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cosleeping help please

(12 Posts)
suzi2 Tue 27-Feb-07 21:15:59

DD is 2 weeks old and won't settle unless she's within a few inches of me. She's been very wakeful at night and has eben feeding loads. And I've been getting just a few hours sleep. So I'm resigned to letting her sleep next to me. DH is sleeping in the spare room so he ccan be fresh for dealing with 18 month old DS.

My mum is giving me a seriously hard time about cosleeping (the "she'll die" type comments!) and that is niggling at me.

What can I do to keep it safe? She is in a newborn sleeing bag, sleeps on DHs side holding/leaning on my hand, duvet/pillows well out of the way. Biggest concern is we have a memory foam mattress and she rolls slightly to her side and gets quite comfy in that position. Is the memory foam safe?

Any ideas for either A) getting her to sleep in her hammock or B) getting my head around cosleeping being OK.

massagemum Tue 27-Feb-07 21:19:23

I have never co slept with any of my 3 children - mainly because dh wouldn't allow it.

My main suggestions would be to place your pillowcase on top of her matress so that she can smell you still as this will comfort her. Other than that perhaps controlled crying?? not sure how young you can use that.

Also try baby massage to calm and relax her before bedtime.

Olihan Tue 27-Feb-07 21:24:07

I'm co sleeping with ds2 who's 8 weeks. Co sleeping is fine as long as you do it safely, whih it sounds as though you are doing. If you search 'safe co sleeping' on here you will find loads of advice and links to other sites.

lorie Tue 27-Feb-07 21:26:52

sounds like you are doing everything ok to make it safe, although I'm no expert at co sleeping.

2 weeks old is much too young for controled crying, they need to be near you and know you are there for them!

Good luck, I understand what you are going through.... this was me 8 wks ago, you just do whatever you can to get through those first few wks don't you!

hope you start getting more sleep asap xx

procrastimater Tue 27-Feb-07 21:27:03

Sympathise with your situ Su as my dd has been co-sleeping with us from the start (now 10m)bedside cot is never used. There is plenty of good advice available for safe co-sleeping. I never drink or smoke and I generally kept her in her own covers and away from pillows etc. main thing is to ensure she won't roll off bed. I know that you should only do this if you are completely comfortable with it a good compromise is the bedside cot with a side that drops down to form a ext to your own bed - you have to be able to firmly wedge them together but it does allow you to keep baby close but on their own mattress. We used ours for ds very successfully - but dd generally is right next to me all night and ds (now 2) ends up in our bed in the morning just before we get up which is nice... good luck

PinkTulips Tue 27-Feb-07 21:31:47

curl your body around her.

your lower arm above her head, your upper leg bent upwards to just under her feet and your upper arm over her.

this position protect baby from you, from rolling away from you and from dh rolling on her.

i've co-slept with both mine since they were days old and it's truly a wonderful way to sleep. dd was like your dd, wouldn't settle on her own so i was told by nurses in hospital to sleep with her, i resisted for the first night home because i was nervous but after spending the whole night slumped into her crib with my finger in her mouth to suck as she couldn't sleep without being in physical contact with me i decided on night 2 to bring her to bed... it went so well that i never considered anything else with ds.

dd is 2 now and sleeps all night in her own cot, is a great nighttime sleeper and goes down in the evening easier than any other child i've ever met... she asks to go to bed

Fooey Tue 27-Feb-07 21:32:04

You should be ok as long as you and dp are not:

smokers
drunk
taking medication that makes you drowsy
seriously overweight
severely exhausted, from working shifts or similar

I recommend 3 in a bed or Dr Sears for reassuring reading. We started co-sleeping for the same reasons as you and decided it was a very happy way to continue. It makes it very easy for you to breastfeed and will help you get more sleep.

Controlled crying for a newborn baby is a completely inappropriate suggestion.

EmsTomot Tue 27-Feb-07 21:36:23

We have mixed co-sleeping with having the cot next to us. Our baby is now 8 months old and very active, it scares me half to death, so I have banned him from the bed for now, unless it is early morning and I am awake to give him a cuddle.
I found when he was a tiny baby, it didn't frighten me at all. I used to put him on my pillow slightly higher than me, so if he rolled, his face wouldn't get squished in my neck/shoulder. I used to sleep on my side towards him and curl my legs underneath his toes so that I looked like a L-shape around him so he couldn't move down.
As it happened, he hardly moved as a tiny baby and I hardly slept deeply enough to forget he was there!
Recently, he has moved to his nursery - I give him a t-shirt with my smell on it and he snuggles into it which helps him settle.

TLV Tue 27-Feb-07 21:48:49

we sort of co sleep with dd who is 20mths, she starts off in her cot but always ends up in our bed, we didn't start co sleeping till she was over one, I wish i'd had one of those bed cots, agree tho sounds as if you are doing everything right.

EmsTomot Tue 27-Feb-07 22:08:56

Thinking about it, the reason I stopped letting ours come into the bed in the middle of the night is because I have my friends mom's comments resounding in my head about him getting trapped, suffocated etc.
The worst thing for me now is convincing my mom not to take him into her bed, he stays there every Friday so I can work on Saturdays and has always enjoyed cuddles there too.
When he is poorly and won't settle, I didn't hesitate to bring him into bed, I used to worry about my husband hurting him so used to make sure my husband was awake when our boy came in to aknowledge the move.
I really miss him sleeping next to me actually, its a lovely close feeling and there is nothing more relaxing than a sleeping baby. My confidence in it has gone since our baby is rolling and moving. When he is older, I might consider it again though.

kiskidee Wed 28-Feb-07 08:31:14

here

and

here

on safe co-sleeping

suzi2 Wed 28-Feb-07 19:57:45

Thanks everyone. Once again I tried to persevere with getting her in her own bed last night... and failed! I've given in a lot today and have ordered myself a copy of Three in a Bed to try and reassure myself.

Thanks for all the links - very useful.

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