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Surely I'm not the only one?

(17 Posts)
CluelessMummy Thu 09-Feb-17 06:33:20

Hi all, I'm a long time lurker, first time poster needing some reassurance here.

Today I went to a parenting group with 14 week old DD and once again it was a soul-destroying experience. I'm sure my fellow mums were all lovely, the issue being that I am always THAT parent whose baby screams non-stop and they spend virtually the whole time peeping around the door hoping to follow what's going on while other babies seem to drop asleep on their mothers' laps. I never get to enjoy an adult conversation at these things and am at my wits' end.

Apart from the first couple of weeks of DD's life, she has never gone to sleep without at least a 15-minute screaming battle and will scarcely sleep 'on the go' at all. It breaks my heart that she spends a good deal of her day miserable and always ends the day screaming. And selfishly, I hate that I miss out on having a life too.

Please say I'm not the only parent going through this? I know it's needy but I just need a hand-hold. Living abroad with no family and DH is sympathetic but has no idea really. Thanks in advance.

FATEdestiny Thu 09-Feb-17 10:06:31

Prep-work is vital when attending some thing like this, I find. And having so.e predictability to your baby's needs helps, so some degree of routine.

I don't mean a strict, ridged routine. Just a predictable cycle of events through your day. For example, if you follow repeated cycles of:

Awake time

Then you can work your day around a feed just before you leave, awake time on journey and upon just arriving at the event. Then you know baby is ready for a sleep not long after arriving.

A dummy, some cuddling, some rocking or feeding to sleep may also help this along.

Don't worry though- we've all been there.

CluelessMummy Thu 09-Feb-17 14:19:58

Thanks for the reply - this is exactly what I do do, it's just that DD will not fall asleep without a fight and each time it winds up with me pacing outside in a baby carrier desperate to get her off for a nap while she howls. I don't understand how other babies just 'fall' asleep. Mine just will not and I feel so alone.

Orangedaisy Thu 09-Feb-17 14:26:29

Not just you. Baby yoga was me feeding or jiggling a screamer while all the other mummies tickled the toes of their gorgeous, clean, non-red-faced giggly ones. I recall wrestling a damp screaming baby into clothes after swimming while other mums lovingly dried between each toe of their baby. DD2 is due in 10 days. This time the first six months will be spent on the sofa grin

CluelessMummy Thu 09-Feb-17 14:37:49

Thanks Orange, so it's not just me then. Last week I missed out on a lovely baby toy-making session and I had to explain to DH why I was crying over what was essentially a few pretty beads. Comments by the group organiser that I looked 'frazzled' didn't help. I keep persevering with these things hoping to make friends but it literally always ends in tears (sometimes in both sides wink).

iwasagirlinavillage Thu 09-Feb-17 14:45:42

It's likely that your baby doesn't want to go to sleep with so much stimulation going on around them because it's all too interesting. Have you tried getting her to sleep before you get there so you can enjoy the first bit with a sleeping baby and then when she wakes up she'll be well rested and you won't be having the "getting to sleep" battle. So maybe arrive half an hour early and get her to sleep in the carrier in the car/car park.

And no, it's not just you and it does get easier. flowers

CluelessMummy Thu 09-Feb-17 14:50:19

Hi, thanks, no I haven't tried this so will have a go tomorrow. I guess I always just try and feed her after waking before we leave as she's a nosy miss and gets very distracted if I feed her 'in public', hence why feeding her at these things doesn't help to calm her down. But I'll take your advice and see if this helps.

iwasagirlinavillage Thu 09-Feb-17 14:53:45

My DD is like that - so nosy and constantly wants to see what's going on when she's feeding, sometimes before letting go! You could try using a cover to see if that will keep her focussed or alternatively take her out of the room for a quick feed, just enough to keep her going so she's happy and you're not having to miss out.

CluelessMummy Thu 09-Feb-17 15:02:57

OK, will do, feeling a bit more positive about this now. Will go with the cover as even a quiet sofa hasn't done the trick (she was very interested in the noticeboard behind it confused)!

iwasagirlinavillage Thu 09-Feb-17 16:19:02

I'm going against what was said upthread but if she's interested in the notice board then let her be, don't try to force her to have a feed if it's just stressing her just because it's your usual routine, you'll get back on track after you leave the group. If she's desperately hungry she'll feed, if she wants to look at the notice board or play with a toy instead, let her while you have a chat.

mimiholls Thu 09-Feb-17 17:54:44

Definitely not the only one. I found it got a lot easier as she got older and didn't need to sleep so frequently and would also resist sleep less. I wouldn't try to get her to sleep at a group or class. I would make sure she has a nice nap before so she's happy to be awake while she's there- get to the location early and go for a pushchair walk or walk with the sling so she gets a nap in immediately before you go. It won't last forever.

CluelessMummy Thu 09-Feb-17 18:17:57

Thanks everyone, I'll have a go at this today!

namechangehairchange Mon 13-Feb-17 19:06:36

How did it go OP?

CluelessMummy Mon 13-Feb-17 23:03:55

Unfortunately I woke up that morning with a nasty cold - run down I guess - so I gave the group a miss. DD has it too now and has woken up every hour through the night since, taking 30 mins to settle back to sleep, so it hasn't been the greatest week tbh! But I haven't given up hope of a baby group win, we'll be up and out as soon as DD isn't a potential health risk to the other bubs wink Feeling a bit low still but it's cheered me up knowing someone is thinking of me, so thanks flowers

MiddleClassProblem Mon 13-Feb-17 23:10:39

Have you tried white noise? I used the Sound sleeper app which helped DD from a young age. I tried other apps but they weren't loud enough or great noises. She napped on me so it was tricky doing the Hoover on and off. We still use the app now as it covers any noise we make going to bed. DD is 2 now.

Bellaposy Mon 13-Feb-17 23:26:32

Honestly it does get better. My DD was like this a lot when she was that age but by 4 months she was much, much easier to take out the house. Once she graduated to the pushchair, she would sleep in her pram instead of scream and that made a massive difference.

CluelessMummy Tue 14-Feb-17 09:07:00

Thanks both! Yes I've been using white noise from week 1, she really seems to respond to it but I think it might be also that she's hit the four-month sleep regression and it looks like she might be teething too. So it's a trifecta of misery for the poor DD. I'm going to try and walk her around in a front pack for her naps tomorrow to help her catch up on a bit of sleep and her head control is pretty good now so we'll be using the stroller soon I hope! X

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