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I don't know what to do!

(23 Posts)
BlankSpace1 Wed 08-Feb-17 22:25:08

I've posted before, my baby is a challenge to say the least! But she went through a phase of being well at night, only waking once for a feed. Now she's 4 months old and I knew that it wouldn't last, but she's worse than ever!
She sleeps swaddled in the bouncer beside my bed with a white noise on, we did co sleep but due to earlier difficulties this was the only thing that worked.
Anyway as of late, she just won't sleep, not even a little bit! Her routine is in bed and asleep between half 8-9, but now she wakes for a feed around 11:30 (if we make it that long), sometimes she'll feed, sometimes she won't, she will then wake say every hour which is what happened last night, until 3:30 when she wouldn't settle down again, I had to bounce her on stop and the cycle was the same, bounce for around half an hour til I knew she was in a proper sleep, wake, cry, refuse bottle etc but refuse to go back to sleep, doze off, up again half an hour later, sometimes only 15 mins. This is a regular occurrence and it's honestly just pushing me to breaking point! I feel so helpless yet so exhausted, nothing works, she is teething and I understand how bad that can be (I have a 2 year old) but this is extreme. Once again she has just woke up crying 30 mins after I left her be, and because of how badly she was chomping and dribbling before bed I've given her some medicine and a teething powder in the hope of relieving her gums a little, but I don't expect it to make s difference at all. I have tried not bouncing her, relieving the swaddle, turning off the noise, changing bums, stroking her head, whatever I could think of! She had a tongue tie cut already, gains weight healthily and is a happy baby when she's not upset, so there are no underlying issues, I just don't know what to do!

tiredybear Wed 08-Feb-17 22:56:47

4 month sleep regression, combined with teething - you have my greatest sympathy! It's a normal but awful awful phase. Is there anyone who can take over the bouncing/soothing for a bit to let you get a bit of sleep?

Have you tried anbesol for her gums?

Justmuddlingalong Wed 08-Feb-17 23:01:33

Am I reading this right? She sleeps swaddled in the bouncer beside my bed.

BlankSpace1 Wed 08-Feb-17 23:05:24

My partner offers to help, but he gets up with the other one and has uni in the daytime, plus he has then Friday-Sunday when I work 12 hour shifts!

And yes she sleeps in her bouncer, it's s fisher price that sort of hugs your figure, but please don't criticise me if you don't approve, I have been through tongue tie,reflux, colic, teething from 2 months and bottle problems, and I have tried every way of sleeping known! She's slept in my arms, in my bed, in her crib sort flat, hugged by one of those body surround things (forgot the name), propped upright a little with a pillow, this was a last resort and all that works

Justmuddlingalong Wed 08-Feb-17 23:18:35

But you're saying it's not working. Please for the health, safety and comfort of your child, stop allowing her to sleep in a bouncy seat for extended periods. Please.

BlankSpace1 Wed 08-Feb-17 23:22:20

Only as of late, she has been sleeping fine in there, the HV is aware of this, I explained it to her when I told her about all of the constant issues and if it works for us then it's alright, it's not going to be forever and if she really is going through sleep regression then now would be the time for me to start sleep training her anyway which I will do in her crib, but for the time being I have to keep with what has been working up until now

Ilovecaindingle Wed 08-Feb-17 23:24:26

Surely a sids risk sleeping in a bouncer,?

Justmuddlingalong Wed 08-Feb-17 23:27:55

You seem to have tried many ways to get her to sleep in only 4 months. That seems a lot of different ways in a very short time. She's still only little.

RNBrie Wed 08-Feb-17 23:38:16

How do you feel about sleep training? It always involves some crying, even the more gentle methods, so it depends if you can bear to do it.

If you can, I'd invest in a side cot, a machine that plays a nice tune and has a light show and a baby friendly soft toy.

I'd do the bed time routine and lay her in the cot, lie next to her and turn on the light/music thing. Lay the soft toy near her (you need to remove this once she is asleep until she's 6 months but you are aiming to establish it as something she associates with sleep)

She will cry. Rub her tummy, sing to her, don't pick her up. Eventually she'll fall asleep. Do this every time she goes to bed for 5 days. It will be hard but the time it takes for her to go to sleep should improve over the 5 days and she'll stop waking up so much as she's fallen asleep in her bed and not in your arms or being bounced.

Then start a gradual retreat. Lie with her but no tummy rubbing. Then lie a bit further away. Then try leaving the room. The routine, the light show and the soft toy will signal it's bed time.

This has worked with all three of my dc (5, 2 and 7mo) and they all sleep through the night 7-7, the baby still has a dream feed. They all had a 4 month sleep regression where we needed to start over but getting them back in the routine took a couple of weeks.

I'd probably ditch the swaddle too. 4 months is a bit early but getting them out of it is a pain whenever you do it. And she might find a thumb or her fingers to suck which will help a lot.

Lots of people won't sleep train their babies and I completely understand its not for everyone. The No Cry Sleep Solution book is a good place to start if you really can't stand the idea of any crying but none of it worked on my babies

BlankSpace1 Thu 09-Feb-17 00:46:11

When I mentioned this to HV, she didn't mention an increased risk in SID's, of course I wouldn't knowingly do something they would endanger my baby!

And yeah I agree she is still young, which is why this has been temporary and since it's stopped working now I think it's time to change tactics!

Honestly I don't feel great about sleep training because as you said, it does involve some crying for the first few days, when I did it with my other one she was 11 months! That was because she still got up 4 times a night and I knew it was out of habit, so I put my foot down and within a couple of days she was sleeping through! But with this one being so young it's very daunting, I thought at 4 months she'd still need a night time feed so would have to be waking at least once!
You're advice sounds very helpful though, and once my eyes aren't burning I'll re read it all thoroughly ha, I can't start it tomorrow as my weekend of work is about to begin! I think I need to take some time off for this..

MrsLayland Thu 09-Feb-17 17:10:36

Oh dear, it does sound exactly like my little demon at the moment grin sleep training is about to start next week if he doesn't approve!! Although I can't deal with the crying either, it always breaks my heart...I guess I'm a bit of a wuss. If I find anything that helps or works (besides a glass of wine..for me of course!) I'll let you know.

Regarding the bouncer, do what works for you and ignore the negativity. They don't fully know your situation and if your HV is aware and has given the ok, you're doing what's right for you and baby! My sisters 3 boys all slept in a swing religiously, but Americans seem to have extremely different views about baby H&S than over here which is a big reason I'm struggling as well.

Good luck and I hope you get a break soon!!!! X

Hatemylifenow Thu 09-Feb-17 17:13:20

RN I'm a huge fan of sleep training but 4 months is too young even for gentle methods.

It's classic 4 month sleep regression I'm afraid op. Ours was awful too - many sympathies.

BlankSpace1 Thu 09-Feb-17 18:06:11

Layland thanks for the support! I do get a bit anxious about posting on here sometimes cus someone always disagrees, but I really have tried everything!

Hatemylife I think it's too young too! But according to google, this doesn't go away! Says this becomes their new permanent pattern until you reach them otherwise 😫

mimiholls Thu 09-Feb-17 18:50:03

I would agree with RN. You are not leaving her to cry, you're comforting her the whole time and she knows she hasn't been abandoned. Personally I don't think this is cruel and it is kinder to help her to get the sleep she needs. It doesnt mean she wont wake in the night if shes genuinely hungry but it will stop the persistent waking needing more comfort. It sounds like you've tried a lot and in my opinion you need to decide on one thing and stick to it consistently so she learns what is expected of her and how to get to sleep.

Scrumptiouscrumpets Thu 09-Feb-17 19:43:47

I agree with RNBrie too, she has given very good advice.

BabyHamster Thu 09-Feb-17 20:44:23

I too would agree with RN. I would never advocate controlled crying or similar at four months but if you're staying with the baby the whole time it's a very gentle form of sleep training.

You can't carry on as you are, your baby needs sleep for her own development and well-being and sleeping swaddled in a bouncer is hardly ideal. I think a very gentle form of sleep training is the lesser of two evils personally.

BlankSpace1 Fri 10-Feb-17 00:45:47

Yeah I think I'll have to try, it's almost 1am and I haven't got to sleep yet, she's been stirring and waking, just now she woke for a proper feed so I'm hoping this will buy me a couple of hours rest, if I can get up early enough before work I'll set up her crib next to my bed and try the advice given, it can't be much worse than the lack of sleep we're getting anyway

StrawberryShortcake32 Fri 10-Feb-17 00:55:26

I'm suffering with the same thing you are at the moment. I have a nursing chair and for the last week nights have come slept in his room with him on me. Because he's teething he only wants to be held. I hope it gets better for you. I have nothing I can add advice wise but wanted you to know you aren't alone xx

BlankSpace1 Fri 10-Feb-17 01:32:21

Bless you strawberry, thank you! My getting through the night went out the window, just spent half an hour trying arranging/tidying the room so I could have the crib next to me, it's a swinging one which I've locked so luckily it's bed level!
She's now settled down with me rubbing her tummy trying to get her to sleep! Will have to invest in a light projector tomorrow, but for now I just hope she doesn't keep my toddler up all night who's asleep in the room next door! Best of luck to us both xx

BlankSpace1 Fri 10-Feb-17 02:02:53

So, all that was fun, after about half an hour of solid crying and screaming, she choked on her sick so obviously I grabbed her out and lent her forward, she projectile vomited everywhere and is exhausted. She's back in her bouncer

teaandbiscuitsforme Fri 10-Feb-17 17:16:48

Have you tried safe co-sleeping? It's safer than her being sick or being in a bouncer.

BlankSpace1 Fri 10-Feb-17 17:47:34

She did used to co sleep with me, and I have tried snuggling her down the way I used to but eventually she starts to cry just the same, it's worth another try though!

teaandbiscuitsforme Fri 10-Feb-17 17:49:41

I'd say after last night, it's definitely worth a try. She's still tiny!

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