Do you think I should chill the f*** out a bit with this?(39 Posts)
First time mum to a 5 month baby.....pretty relaxed about everything, relatively "easy" baby in comparison to friends and family but one thing I do like to do is stick to a relatively strict routine with his sleeps/naps so we can predict (roughly) the times he has his longish afternoon nap and bedtime .
I find a lot of other mums making digs to just bring him along to things when I'm keen for him to go down either for the evening (he's asleep by 7pm) or after lunch (when I know I'll get a bit of me time) . Their kids barely sleep at all during the day unless their pounding the streets or on them and that's ok for them but not what I want
Am I being too strict and boring and should I "chill the fuck out" a bit?!
You should do what suits you and baby and not what suits any third party.
I think if you have a routine where he reliably sleeps for a period after lunch and goes down well in the evening, then YANBU to stick to it!
Sticking to DS' routine when he was little was the only thing that got me through the baby stage - knowing I'd have an hour after lunch, and some time in the evening is what kept me sane!
p.s. they're jealous of your easy sleepy baby.
p.p.s - my easy chilled sleepy baby turned into a maniacal sleep-refusing screech machine at about 11 mo.. so make the most of the sleep time now
I don't understand, you are just being a normal mum?
Millions of mums up and down the country are tired to needing to get the children to bed, needing to be home for nap time.
I am not sure what you are feeling the need to chill out (or not) about?
Children need bedtime. Yes. That will be the case for 10 years plus. There's nothing unique I'd different there. Babies and toddlers nap, yep. They do. New babies are portable, older babies and toddlers less so. This is just normal.
Why is it stressing you out?
I was like you and stuck to my guns. Not having a routine works for some, but I felt for me and my babies routine made us all happier! For special occasions I was more flexible though.
Do what works for you and baby.
I'd say when it starts to get warmer and baby is a little older then I'd definitely go out in the afternoon and enjoy any bright/dry weather. Don't not go out any afternoon because ds needs a nap-his routine will change as he gets older too.
But definitely do what works for you both
I don't believe in this, it's all very well when they're small, but gets a bit wearing after the first couple of years. And don't be surprised I'd your friends eventually give up asking. Personally I think it's better to just go with stuff. Flexibility gives you much more scope for a life!
And perfectly sleeping babies don't always stay that way. It doesn't pay to judge other people's parenting. The karma of kids has a nasty habit of biting you on the arse!
I think it's better to go with the flow but each to their own. Just don't be surprised if they stop inviting you along because, well basically, you're no fun
You may find it harder to stick to a rigid routine as your baby grows, so keep an eye out for changes and be willing to adapt.
One of my siblings had a very rigid routine and still tried to put her toddlers down for bed at their usual time when visiting strange houses - obviously the children were unsettled and cried for ages generally. They have since admitted that they should have been a bit more flexible!
That's really below the belt to say I'm no fun and that I'm judging other parenting skills, quite the opposite actually but anyway I don't need to justify myself to you two.
Thanks to others for posting - I'm really proud of myself for getting us to where we are, it's been hard and I'm going to make the most of it whilst it lasts! X
YANBU it's important to stick to a schedule if it's working for you..
One thing I would say though is that I had a friend who was so strict with her schedule, that wasn't a problem in itself but sometimes she went a bit far... she got annoyed with her sister one day as it was sisters bday and she's so out of order for asking me to come round at 5 for cake, it's PFB nap time then! Which was a bit eye rolly.
Sure, don't go but don't expect everything to be rearranged for you!
Agree with Cotswold, you need to know when your routine needs adapting. Apart from that, it sounds like you're doing a good job, have a baby that sleeps fine and get some me time. No wonder your friends are envious
YANBU do what's best for you and baby. I was very strict with sleep and routines as I liked to know when I could get a break or get things done etc. when little I knew they would sleep in the pram so I knew I could meet friends for lunch and have my lunch in peace if I timed things right.
Thanks guys. I'm going to keep going with it until it starts to not work but I'm lucky that I can adapt it to still do things just not every day!
OP I could of written this post myself and have been thinking the same thing recently. But yesterday after being out the house for a bit longer than I normally would of and DS not napping at his usual time in the early afternoon (won't nap long if at all in pushchair or car seat) he was then an absolute nightmare to get to sleep for his later afternoon nap. He was awake for like 4.5 hours and totally knackered and took me over an hour to get him to sleep.
This reaffirmed my thoughts that I should stick with what I'm doing and just work my life around his naps. I may be boring but I don't care. I use my time to do the housework and watch rubbish tv that DP won't let me watch in the evening!
My sister can't believe DS naps so much and has slept through the night since about 12 weeks, all her friends never put their baby down to nap in the day and are up all night with them too, and are subsequently absolutely exhausted from sleep deprivation!
Hi OP, I wasn't judged as such but like you I felt pressure to relax the schedule to make sure I could join in and I'm trying to do that now with my 1yo but only recently and for my own good as I felt I was missing out sometimes but I still like to be home so DS can nap in his cot and bath time & bedtime is fiercely protected. It works for us so I'm sticking to it and suggest you do too if you're happy then carry on.
I was the same with DS1. He's now an excellent 1.5 hour napper in the middle of the day and (once he chats/sings himself to sleep...could take 40 mins!) he tends to sleep for 10/11 hours. Brilliant.
I chilled the fuck out with DS2. He's 7 months. Won't nap unless he's on me or moving, won't sleep unless I'm in the bed beside him. Awake to feed 3+ times a night. Yeah...I'm preparing to totally unchill with him and get the fuck strict!!
If you have a routine that is working then stick with it. Particularly bedtime. I'm amazed they have theirs out and about in the evening by this age. Can you not work it to your advantage if he has set nap times, as you can reliably organise things around those times? Or invite people round to yours?
Wanting to be home for the main nap and for a reasonable bedtime isn't asking too much. There are plenty of other hours in the day. Morning meet ups or out for tea or have them round to yours during your dss main nap.
Sleep is sacred imo and whatever needs to be done to keep the sleep good should be done.
Your approach sounds perfect op, don't worry about what anyone else is doing, your happy and the baby sounds happy, what more could you ask for
Not too strict at all, we also follow a set routine, obviously we can't force her to sleep but we know roughly when she's due a nap and make her environment suitable for it, she also has set feed times and a set bedtime which works great for all if us. Do what your happy with if its working for you and baby
YANBU. I just turn up late to things esp if organised over lunch cos I get a two hour break then and actually have a shot at making dinner/having a rest!
Organising things so you can't join/making snidey comments...not sure I'd bother with them too much tbh.
And yes there is a chance of jealousy but I wouldn't spend too much time pondering if that's the case, it won't bring you any happiness.
My view is that sleep and food are equally important. The prevailing view seems to be food only. So maybe your friends have all been influenced/taken in by that.
Our routine sounds exactly as your does (albeit nearly 4 years ago). I loved when DD went down for a nap and the fact that I could reliably predict that she'd be outers by 7. If it meant I missed a few baby groups - so what?! DD and I still did plenty when she was awake, with or without other people.
For the record, despite the inevitable few blips DD has always slept well so it doesn't necessarily follow that sleep will go to pot eventually.
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