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Thoughts on sleeping arrangements - wwyd?

(23 Posts)
Nottalotta Mon 30-Jan-17 08:22:23

2 bed house, bedrooms are huge. King-size bed and cot bed in our room, with ds 18 months. He was supposed to move to the second room.before Dc2 arrives, but my husband is a semi hoarder and has not sorted his shit out of the second room. In there is a single bed. Dc2 due anyday.

Ds sleeps through but wakes,early but appears to sleep longer without me there. Last night I was awake downstairs, husband put bed with him when he woke (usually around 4.30 and often stays awake) and he went back to sleep til 7. He also does this when he stays at mums.

So I was thinking about leaving H and ds in the main room, me and baby in second room. Theres no way the second room will be cleared fully for ds to go in before baby arrives and I don't want to rush it. It have a moses basket and a cot to put up to the bed so a single should be OK.

My one worry is what to do in the future? Will it be more hassle to move them around later?

oleoleoleole Mon 30-Jan-17 08:24:49

Start as you mean to go on. Get 2nd bedroom ready for oldest child ASAP. I'd sleep all in one room and make a big thing out of new bedroom for eldest.

Nottalotta Mon 30-Jan-17 08:28:37

Thanks, that was my initial plan but then I remembered ds screaming through night time nappy changes, and don't want to mess his sleep up. I'm really annoyed about the room tbh and more so I can't really do much about it heavily pregnant with a toddler.

Sunshinegirl82 Mon 30-Jan-17 11:09:19

Perhaps set up a place you can change baby in the next room so you can do the night time changes without waking ds1?

FATEdestiny Mon 30-Jan-17 12:53:15

Your 18 month old really should have his own room. In the next 6 months or so (certainly the coming year, by the time he's 2 and a half), he will be old enough to start playing in his room, taking ownership of his space and his toys.

IMO it's not ok to have two children and for neither of them to have a bedroom, when you have room.

If your DH can't sort the clutter now, he will be less able in 6 months or 12 months time - when you have a baby and a Terrible Two year old. Life will be much, much busier then.

I think if you dont do this now, it just won't get done.

Frouby Mon 30-Jan-17 12:58:30

I would book a man with a van. Tell DH man with a van is coming in 2 weeks. He therefore has 2 weeks to shift his shite out of the room or it will be moved without his input.

Your 18 month old needs his own room. Can you fit 2 x single beds in there? I would do that and when new baby arrives your dh can always go in with your toddler if necessary.

But your dh needs to get that room.emptied and cleared ready to become a bedroom not a dumping ground. 2 dcs and 2 adults need both bedrooms fully usable.

Nottalotta Mon 30-Jan-17 15:55:37

I know, I know. The problem has got to the stage where I literally can't deal with it. I should have done it sooner, but silly me, expected that he would take notice when I said I wanted ds in his own room before Xmas.

My problem is, he isn't and isn't going to be before new baby. So what is the best options in others opinions?

FATEdestiny Mon 30-Jan-17 16:17:14

What would I do? I'd clear the room myself if he won't.

I wouldn't look for alternates and make-do's. I'd hire a skip, like tomorrow (given your due date). And everything goes in it, put that nesting instinct to good use. Anything you want to keep is piled in front of TV in DHs space for him to put away.

Then DSs cot in his own room, add some toys and drawers so it feels like his own room. DH can then sleep on the bed in DSs room if needed.

Sunshinegirl82 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:17:55

I think all you can do in that case is stick with your original plan (although I'm tempted to think that won't put much pressure on your DH to deal with the room issue and you could end up camped out next door for some time as hubby gets to stay comfy in the main room!) or take baby out of the bedroom on waking and then bring them back once changed, settled etc. Perhaps as your DH hasn't pulled his finger out to sort the room he could be responsible for getting up to deal with baby next door? Might push sorting out the room up his list of priorities?

FATEdestiny Mon 30-Jan-17 16:21:31

If you physically can't do the moving stuff and can't afford to employ a labourer for a days work to do it (I'd guess at around Β£100 cash in hand for a days work), then I'd the room will fit you and baby in, surely it will also for DS and DH in?

I'd move DS into his room.

And make sorting it into a high level priority for your DH.

In my view that iss better option than you and baby going into clutter room.

Nottalotta Mon 30-Jan-17 16:22:34

I should have done that sooner Fate but I just can't now, I'm really struggling with spd, and have got a stinking cold, and ds. I can't actually believe we've got to this stage and it's not been done.

Sunshine - Yes, that's also an issue. Whereas (sorry ds) a few nights of both babies being awake might spur him into action?

kel1234 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:26:47

The poster that said IMO it's not okay for children not to have their own room if you have the space. I disagree. We had space for our ds to be in his own room since he was born. But his crib and then cot went in our room. No way would I have put him in his own room just because we had the space.
Children don't have to be in their own rooms so young

FATEdestiny Mon 30-Jan-17 16:33:11

You completely misunderstand me kel1234. I mean a room to call their own. A room for the toddler and young child to play in. Have ownership of, put their stuff in.

Of course room sharing (and bed sharing) are valuable. That is not ar all what I meant.

I mean that a 2 year old, 3 year old, 4 year old, should not be denied having their own room if there is space. Whether or not they sleep in there is a completely seperate issue.

Sunshinegirl82 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:34:25

I'd make things as uncomfortable for DH as possible to be honest. I'd tell him now that until the room is sorted, he will be dealing with taking baby out for nappy changes and with any resettling ds1 requires as a result of being woken. Bottom line is that he should of done it and he hadn't done it so I would avoid "fixing" it for him by removing yourself and baby from the room, you'll still be there this Christmas!

FATEdestiny Mon 30-Jan-17 16:35:37

Is he having his 2 weeks paternity leave Notta? It should only take him a day, two at the most. He could do it while he's off work.

Artandco Mon 30-Jan-17 16:36:29

Fate - my children are 5 and almost 7 years old. They share a bedroom with us. You think this is terrible? Why? They are happy and like it, we are happy, so no issue.

Sunshinegirl82 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:37:08

Has DH come up with any proposed solutions out of interest?

FATEdestiny Mon 30-Jan-17 16:39:59

No I don't Artandco (and you will have seen me posting on the virtues of room and bed sharing many, many, many, many times before).

It's terrible that the OP wants her son in his own room. But her DH is refusing to clear the clutter to allow DS to have his own room. So instead are having to make do, cos he can't be arsed.

That is what is terrible.

girlelephant Mon 30-Jan-17 16:50:35

I think you and your DH need to spit into action making room 2 for your child. Even if that means you sitting/standing over him while he does the physical labour and you tell him what to bin/move/tidy.

Once the new baby arrives life will be even busier and surely your DH will have even more excuses to delay. Having a bedroom (even if not sleeping in it straight away) will also be exciting for DC at a time when a new baby may make them insecure. As for who sleeps where at 2 I would want DC in their own bedroom and ideally yourself, DH & new baby in together. But you can flex that if for example during the night you'll all get a better sleep by moving things about

girlelephant Mon 30-Jan-17 16:51:24

^ sorry "spur" into action not "spit"^ πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ

Nottalotta Mon 30-Jan-17 17:20:26

Sorry, I didn't mean to start a debate about room sharing. Its ridiculous and embarrassing that I'm in this position. I was quite happy for ds to be in with us, but I feel he needs his own room due to new baby. His/my sleep problems are well documented and Fate has given me loads of great advice.

FATEdestiny Mon 30-Jan-17 18:14:01

What sort of volume of stuff are we talking about?

Having 'dumping grounds' for stuff is normal, I reckon. It's just it needs to be in a different room, not your DS's room

Do you have a garage you could move clutter to, if you can't face sorting it? Our garage hasn't ever fitted a car in and we've lived here 11 years. It's full of baby stuff "important stuff".

Or if it's less than that, give over a corner in your bedroom. I have a travel cot up in my room for the odd occassion DD needs to sleep in with us. Over the last year it's gradually filed with "stuff" I just chuck in there.

No one has mentioned decorating. As well as clearing the clutter, DH may need to get the paint out too. Looks like his paternity leave is getting busier...

Nottalotta Mon 30-Jan-17 19:30:06

It's not ceiling height or anything, but the floor space (and bed) is pretty much covered. Theres clean bedding and towels that should be in the airing cupboard which has a dusty hole in it atm. But other than that it's piles of magazines, 'paperwork' clothes, old computer etc. I reckon a good day would see most of it cleared, and he has made a space for some of it (as have I)

Decorating isn't really needed, it had a new ceiling, carpet and fully redecorated about 3 years ago, never used as a bedroom so just a clean (it's neutral colours that I have some nice curtains etc to go with)

No paternity leave sadly as self employed and has to take all the work he can get atm.

It's a problem though, we have 4(!!) sheds also full to the brim.

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