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Do I leave her to scream?

(24 Posts)
enchantmentandlove Mon 30-Jan-17 00:00:30

...I know I don't, I just don't know what else to do.

DD is 7 1/2 months, and has never been the best sleeper but recently it's been awful, especially today and tonight.

She went to sleep at about 7:30pm, but started stirring at around 8:30pm. Dh or I would pop in to put het dummy back in and quickly comfort her before leaving again. By 9:30pm she was starting to winge, and as she didn't drink much of her evening bottle I changed her nappy and gave her some more milk, before trying to get her to sleep again. She wouldn't go to sleep so at about 10:30 I brought her downstairs for a while, as sometimes after a change of scene for a while when I try again she will go to sleep. Nope.

She was just fussing at first, but after a while started screaming her little head off. I've tried adjusting her temperature, giving her teething gel and am now pacing in the living room with dd in the carrier.

I don't think there's anything wrong with her, other than she wants to be up. Every time we've left the bedroom (for teething gel and now carrier), she stops screaming and just smiles at me. I know she's so overtired but she just won't sleep! Dh has gone to sleep on the spare room (dd sleeps in our room either in cot or our bed) as he's up really early for work

I just don't know what to do! She's starting to relax in the carrier, but won't sleep on it she never does. Does anyone please have some advice? Nap times and bed times seem to be getting worse, I can't even seem to comfort her. I really don't want to leave her upset but nothing I do seems to be helping. Thank you

HeCantBeSerious Mon 30-Jan-17 00:05:37

No, you shouldn't leave her to scream. It's most likely a development leap. She's not doing it to annoy you.

enchantmentandlove Mon 30-Jan-17 00:07:01

I know I don't think I could really leave her, I never have. Just don't know what to do she's been screaming and crying for hours. Usually comforting her seems to help but it isn't.

cuddlebug Mon 30-Jan-17 00:07:46

It could be a leap like the PP said. I would not leave her to scream though because it can be detrimental on their development later on in life xx

enchantmentandlove Mon 30-Jan-17 00:10:25

Thank you. I know and I don't think I would, I just wrote it in a moment of desperation. It would be easier if dh could help to give me a break but he's up at 4:30am.

IrregularCommentary Mon 30-Jan-17 00:11:24

Will she sleep with you, i.e. bedsharing? I sometimes need to start off like this with dd so she'll relax and sleep, before transferring her to her crib.

Doesn't sound like you're really intending to, but don't leave her to cry.

Manumission Mon 30-Jan-17 00:12:14

Have you considered coalescing or a bedside cot?

Manumission Mon 30-Jan-17 00:12:27


ScarletSienna Mon 30-Jan-17 00:12:48

flowers I couldn't leave her to cry either-I'd be doing what you are; pacing and soothing. Maybe she has trapped wind or a bit of reflux and being upright eases it?

tooclosetocall Mon 30-Jan-17 00:16:41

I don't know if this will be any help and it's been a few years since I had a young baby in the house.
Have you tried not engaging - no words, no eye contact? Being in the room with her but at a distance? Basically so she can sense you are there but without the interaction.

Babies are soothed by sounds (singing humming yes) but they are stimulated by sounds/your voice and eye contact as well. Sounds as if she's over-stimulated to me.
Call me batshit if you like.

I won't leave babies to scream but picking up your DD and taking her to another room could be just heighting her senses. She might be missing you just want to know you are 'there'.
I would first get her comfy in her cot and then sit on a chair in her room - in the dark - then if needed gradually move the chair further from the cot each time.
Like I said, call me batshit crazy but it definitely worked for me.

enchantmentandlove Mon 30-Jan-17 00:17:16

I have been trying bed sharing which usually works (I tend to bed share then transfer her into cot), but tonight it isn't working. We used to have a co sleeper cribs but got a cot a week or two ago. I have asked dh if he can make it a co sleeper cot for a while, but he thinks it would be taking a step backwards.

Thank you, maybe it is some trapped wind, her tummy did sound a but gurgly earlier. She seems happier in the carrier, but we both need some sleep!

tooclosetocall Mon 30-Jan-17 00:17:47


enchantmentandlove Mon 30-Jan-17 00:20:11

Thanks for your reply. I did start off comforting her without eye contact or saying anything other than "shh" or "sleepy time", but as I have become more desperate I seemed to forget that!

I agree I think I'm over stimulating her by taking her put of the room, I have just felt so desperate and know it's all that stops her from crying. She seems to be getting sleepy in the carrier which is unlike her, I doubt we will get a transfer into the crib though.

enchantmentandlove Mon 30-Jan-17 00:20:32

The cot though*

Littlelostdinosaur Mon 30-Jan-17 00:21:05

My lo is the same age and is currently in a huge leap. He's started crawling and talking in a matter of days. Is she learning anything new? She's likely just hitting some. Ew milestones and finding it hard to switch off
Not much advice but to ride it out, try and keep everything very dull and not Stimulating as it's likely very overwhelming for her right now. Repetitive movement and sound, white noise, more milk etc. Make it easy a do what works

Hope you get peace soon

enchantmentandlove Mon 30-Jan-17 00:24:50

Thank you, I didn't really think about a developmental leap. She is close to crawling and seems to be constantly learning something new, so maybe that's it.

Nap times have also become so random recently, I am trying to keep consistent but dd seems to keep changing what she needs right now.

tooclosetocall Mon 30-Jan-17 00:35:32

OP, you're feeling you're at your wits end and sleep deprived. Goodness knows with children we will all try just about anything to get through the night with some amount of decent sleep.

On holiday once I switched on my hairdryer in the next bedroom (not to drown out the crying, I promise). This was during a uppity-teething-spurt stage and we needed to be up early the next day. The monotonous humming seemed to work that night.

Hopefully tonight your DD will go from carrier to cot for you without much of a hello.

enchantmentandlove Mon 30-Jan-17 00:45:24

Thanks I think you're right, when you're sleep deprived I think it's anything to actually get some sleep sometimes!

Thank you for your replies everyone. She did wake up when I took her out from the carrier, but thankfully fell back off snuggling next to me. DD is currently in with me, but I will probably transfer her into the cot at some point tonight.

I think it's a mixture of being over-stimulated, a developmental leap and maybe some trapped wind too. I just pray that she stays asleep now!

enchantmentandlove Mon 30-Jan-17 00:47:29

And that's why I love these forums actually - people have suggestions which I never even considered!

kel1234 Mon 30-Jan-17 00:49:34

I'm probably not the best to reply because I've always allowed my lo 10 minutes to settle himself to sleep. He's always slept upstairs and settled himself to sleep. We've always put him down awake and left him for 10 minutes. During this time he may moan or cry. But he usually settles himself down within 10 minutes. If not we go back up to him. Certainly when he was younger and we knew it was probably his teeth.
But I've never stood over the crib or cot and got him to sleep, without leaving him to settle himself first.

tooclosetocall Mon 30-Jan-17 00:50:18

Ah good.
Needing sleep especially in the wee hours of a Monday morning isn't at all easy. I hope you can get some rest.

HeCantBeSerious Mon 30-Jan-17 07:08:16

We've always put him down awake and left him for 10 minutes. During this time he may moan or cry.


Blackbird82 Mon 30-Jan-17 08:30:01

I would try her in her own room, assuming you have another bedroom? Mine went into his own room at 6 months as he started to fuss and anticipated us coming to bed. He slept so much better in his own room and started sleeping through the night (12 hrs) shortly after

enchantmentandlove Mon 30-Jan-17 18:56:09

I wish we could put her into her own room sometimes, as I think we often disturb her. Unfortunately we only have a 2 bedroom house right now and Dh doesn't think the cot would fit in the spare room as we already have a computer and desk, sofa bed and chest of drawers which doubles as a changing table. We are looking to buy somewhere bigger, but I think she'll have to wait until then.

We had another awful day for napping, I just hope tonight is better.

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