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Am I doing something wrong?

(11 Posts)
user1473278728 Thu 19-Jan-17 18:52:33


My son is 8 weeks and my daughter is 5 years. I've completely forgotten how to do any of the young baby things esp sleep.

At the moment I wear my son for all naps - mainly because it allows me to do the school run with relative ease (he sleeps for 1.5-2hrs around school run time). I would ideally like him to take a nap in the middle of the day in his crib but im not sure how I go about doing that. We haven't got a proper routine yet but a good day looks like this :

Wake somewhere between 7-8am
School run at 8.30 (walking there and back at 9.30)
Wakes around 10.30/11
Afternoon nap in carrier around 12-1/1.30
School run from 2,45-3,45. Wakes around 4/4.30
Short nap at 5.30/6 for 20-40 mins
Bedtime around 8-9pm(falls asleep at breast but doesn't go to bed earlier - likes to cluster feed and fuss

I would like for him to learn to settle in the crib on his own for the middle nap and bedtime. But when i put him down full fed, drowsy but awake, swaddled with white noise he cries and cries. Is this normal? I stay with him and try to comfort him by patting and shushing but he doesn't respond to anything except being picked up by me. My hubby has also tried and he doesn't even want to be picked up by hubby, just me! I give up after 20 mins but my hubby has tried up to an hour and with no luck. He also cries if he is sleepy and you try to walk him in the pram..!

Is this normal at this age. If I'm with him is that the same as crying it out? (I don't want him to cry it out) any suggestions?

MummaGiles Thu 19-Jan-17 18:56:33

I think it's very normal at that age. DS (now 2) wouldn't settle for naps without being held during the day until he was probably 5 months old I think. And only then because it was the middle of summer and he found it too hot being held. It must be tough when you have an older DC to think about and you can't just go by the baby's every whim but I would carry on baby wearing for naps if you can, at least you have your hands free!

MummaGiles Thu 19-Jan-17 18:58:24

But if you do want to try putting him down can you try putting him on something that smells of you, like a tshirt?

user1473278728 Thu 19-Jan-17 19:13:13

I've tried the t shirt thing it doesn't work...

user1473278728 Thu 19-Jan-17 19:15:14

I've also done something wrong today as despite wearing him he didn't nap from 12-5. Not fussy but must be exhausted and overtired as only managed 20min nap

FATEdestiny Thu 19-Jan-17 20:52:04

How about a bouncy chair for naps? It allows for gentle movement to lull to sleep, like the sling.

user1484220086 Fri 20-Jan-17 19:50:59

I am pretty much exactly in the same situation. My DD is 9 weeks old. She is really fussy with the daytime naps. And I've actually been really worried and down for the past few days as i feel my parenting is not good for the baby. So basically all the books etc I've read say that if your baby is falling asleep by swinging or rocking or on you, these are all bad sleep habits and somethings is wrong! Now i thought i had a good bedtime routine at least, i start by massage, bath then breastfeed her and then we go upstairs and i give her a bit of formula top up (2 oz) usually and she falls asleep on my shoulder while I'm burping her. Once shes asleep i lay her in her cot which us next to my bed and she usually sleeps for 3-4 hours at a stretch. Mind you this is the only long sleep stretch i get the whole day. During day time she used to only sleep on me but recently i started swaddling her AFTER shes asleep and its helped. Now she sleeps by herself in the cot at least once a day when i carefully swaddle her and lay jer down without waking her up. The problem however is that i cant seem to get her to fall asleep by herself. Ive trued putting her down when she shows signs of fatigue but she starts playing first in the cot and then starts crying to be picked up. What do i need to do make her fall asleep on her own???

I'm actually really stressed out over this as i feep incompetent as a mother that I'm making her reliant on me and not teaching her the right way.

Somebody please share some advice. Any similar experiences and what you did to get tye baby to sleep by herself will be highly appreciated.

Looking forward to some feedback!

FATEdestiny Fri 20-Jan-17 21:56:45

What do i need to do make her fall asleep on her own?

A dummy is the easiest way.

user1484220086 Mon 23-Jan-17 14:34:35

I am not really a fan of the dummy for purely hygiene reasons

FATEdestiny Mon 23-Jan-17 14:55:03

OK - so the second simplest would be lying down feeding to sleep and leaving baby there (ie cosleep).

If you dont want to do that - rocking, pushchair walks, bouncy chair. All more effective than nothing being used to help baby sleep. But movement combined with sucking is most soothing for baby. I favour dummy and bouncy chair for daytime naps.

The problem however is that i cant seem to get her to fall asleep by herself.

With all due respect, that's because she was a baby. I think your expectations are way off. Are you expecting that baby can be put down and left and go to sleep without anything? You're about 4 years too early in your expectations there, give or take a year.

Babies need active comfort to get to sleep. That can either be parental comfort (feeding to sleep, rocking, cosleeping) or independant comfort (dummy, snuggle you, self-movements like stroking, patting, tickling self). However even with independant comforting mechanisms, babies don't have the manual dexterity skills to physically coordinate their movements to access that comfort until about 7-10months. So until then, baby is going to need help to get to sleep even if the long term plan is independant settling.

Children don't have the emotional capacity to routinely sleep like an adult would (tired > close eyes > relax > sleep) until about school age. Until then they will need something to help get to sleep.

user1484220086 Mon 23-Jan-17 18:22:30

Omg! Thank you so much for saying that! Thats exactly what I've been thinking but its just these people around me who keep telling me that if shes well fed, burped and comfortable and i pit her down in the crib, she should just fall asleep and i suddenly started to question my parenting. I have been stressing over this like crazy that what am i doing wrong , why is she not falling asleep by herself etc etc but my heart kept telling me that shes literally 2 months old! How can i expect her to do that. I must not let this social pressure get to me. Also, in the long run, how many adults need rocking to sleep, so I'm sure she'll grow out of it in due time!
Gosh everyone i see these days tells me to just her let "fall" asleep by herself and when she obviously cant do it i feel incompetent as a mother!
But yea thanks for giving me a reality check about my expectations!
On a slightly different topic, how much sleep should she be getting at this age caz i cant seem to get her for longer than 2.5-3 hoirs during the entire day. She wakes up at 7 in the morning and goes to bed at 9 ish amd wakes up twice during the night roughly. But the awake times are around an hour of feeding and changing. Is she getting enough sleep?
Also, she falls asleep while feeding. I try to keep her awake but does that also count as her sleep?

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