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At my wits end :(

(10 Posts)
APMama Thu 19-Jan-17 10:57:06

My 15 week old wont self soothe at all. I know she is still little and maybe it will come in time but I am so exhausted it's making me feel depressed.

She will only sleep if she is breastfed to sleep or put on our left shoulder and walked around the house - if we sit with her like it or stand still she just screams. My husband is out for work from 7-7 so it's just me during the day and nearest family are an hour and a half away so have nobody to help in that way either.

Same thing with nap times - has to be fed or walked around. I've developed bad repetitive strain in both my wrists from holding her in the position she likes and I find myself just sobbing while carrying her as it hurts so bad.

I feel distraught as I couldn't hold her like it anymore from the pain so I just put her on my lap and let her cry it out til she fell asleep and I feel heartbroken as crying it out is not something I ever ever ever want to do.

I know with nap times she should be put down as soon as she starts looking sleepy but she seems to go from wide awake to overtired with no warning. I've tried putting her in her basket every hour for a little while to try and beat the overtiredness happening but she just screams at me.

The HV came this week and told me she should be self soothing but nothing she told me to do works. So at my wits end, I love her so much but feel like I cant do it anymore.

JaxingJump Thu 19-Jan-17 11:07:12

She's still very little. But easier times are coming as she gets more alert and solid. If the current status is causing you this much distress though you need to make changes. Check out Gina Ford for sleeping schedule, mine (3 different babies) always automatically fell into those times even without me following GF. So I think it's a good basis for a sleep schedule. Then go with the flow if it needs tweaking. I would 15mins before each nap time put her in a sleeping bag, feed a bottle (or bf) and put her down in her cot in a dark room after a bit of winding and walk on out. If she's still crying in 5 mins (try not to pick her up immediately) go in, comfort till she's calm and put down again. If after 5 attempts she's not doing it, take her out for 30mins and then try the routine again. She will learn in a couple of days what is going on and might start settling a lot better for you. But t be consistand and give her a chance.

That's what I would try anyway.

Hellmouth Thu 19-Jan-17 11:14:18

Have you considered a dummy to help her self soothe? I've been very lucky, my DS has self soothed since 3 months but I've heard dummies can be useful for this.

Also, if you haven't already, try swaddling, that really calmed my DS in the early days.

Highlove Thu 19-Jan-17 11:23:01

Your HV is talking rubbish - not many 15 week olds can self settle. Really - don't beat yourself up about that. It'll come in time and maybe if you want to you can try some sleep training (which doesn't necessarily mean cc) when she's a bit bigger.

Have you got a sling? A MN cliche but might help if she likes being walked and would save your wrists/let you get on with stuff. (Though I can't get my 23 week old out if it now...that's another problem..) Or pushchair - does that work? My first DD only napped in her pushchair till about 8 months. At first I had to go out for a walk each nap time but eventually I could pop her in it in the dining room, stick a muslin over and white noise on and she'd sleep in it happily for hours. Again, maybe not ideal but would save your poor wrists.

Have you tried all the usual stuff - swaddle, white noise, etc?

Ebbenmeowgi Thu 19-Jan-17 11:23:31

Sleep deprivation is really really tough. You are doing an amazing job and just try to remember that this phase will pass. Make sure at weekends you rest lots while your partner takes care of her.

Do you use a sling? I find it's the only thing that works when my dd is resisting nap time! She loves it. It would save you hurting your wrists hopefully at least.

Ipdipdo Thu 19-Jan-17 11:24:19

Have you considered a sling?

Ipdipdo Thu 19-Jan-17 11:25:31

Sorry cross post!

APMama Thu 19-Jan-17 12:14:51

Thanks everyone. Felt like we were managing and getting on ok til the HV came and said about her self soothing and now everytime I feed her or rock her to sleep that I feel like I'm failing and will end up having to cuddle her to sleep until she's 18... wish they hadn't come round at all. Keep trying to ignore what they said but it's just niggling me in the back of my head constantly.

I used a sling when she was very first born and to be honest had forgotten about it, will definitely get it out again in a moment as that will help my hands definitely.

Thanks everyone for the support. First time I've posted, felt like I had nowhere to turn as my friends all have 'perfect' easy babies and it makes me feel worse when I talk to them about baby stuff! So appreciate it x

JaxingJump Thu 19-Jan-17 15:30:17

Ultimately OP do what is easiest for you! Don't worry about rods for your own back rubbish. I promise you that any rod can be broken in 2-3 days when you decide things are no longer working. So do what makes life easiest for you.

Timetogrowup2016 Thu 19-Jan-17 15:45:05

A dummy .
Try every sleep time until they get that sucking Is soothing .
Took my dd 3-4 months to accept her dummy and it's been a life saver .

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