My almost 4 year old daughter wont stay in her bed!! Our fault really as we started putting her in our bed to go off to sleep each night as she would kick off and scream in her room and wake up her baby brother. We move her into her bed just before we go to bed and come 12/1am she's climbing back into our bed or crying for us from her room again waking the baby. She has awful sleep patterns and can be put to bed at 7:30 and still be up and screaming at gone 10pm. She has constant bags under her eyes and is always tired for nursery due to her lack of sleep...what do I do?!?! Thanks in advance
I would bring baby's cot into your bedroom. Not forever just for now while you sort 4 year old.
Then with 4 year old, I'd start off with a mattress on her floor just to get her used to going to sleep in her room and staying in her room all night. Either you or her dad settles in and sleeps in there all night, to establish this.
Once sorted, I'd then move the adult back into the parental bed and do rapid return with 4 year old. So get to get the instant she gets up and return her calmly back to bed, tuck her in, leave. Repeat with obsessive consistancy at all times.
Once 4 year old is sorted, move cot back into their room
My ds1 was the same he wasn't unable to fall asleep without us being there and then when he woke during the night he would only fall asleep again in our bed, it went on for months so I feel your pain! I was pregnant with ds2 so needed to sort it out and so we did some sleep training - it wasn't easy. We did the put back method so every time he got up we picked him up and put him back to bed with no talking etc. The first night took 2.5 hours and it was bloody hard as it felt like he would never give up but eventually he did and each night we did the same thing and the time it took decreased each night until he accepted that he was to stay there. The first night he slept through without needing us so it was a breakthrough for us. It's similar to what Fate says but we didn't sleep in his room initially as we just wanted to get it done plus we didn't have the space for a mattress on he floor. They say that if they can't fall asleep without you initially then when they wake during the night they need you again. Can you move the baby back to your room temporarily so it's not disturbing him?
Alongside addressing the sleeping, could you try decorating her bedroom how she likes it? Then it becomes a special place for her. Include bedding etc. Slightly dangerous if she wants something awful though.