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19mo unable to settle himself

(14 Posts)
Frazzled2207 Thu 12-Jan-17 21:03:41

Our 19mo has never been able to settle himself properly. Until recently we would have to cuddle him intermittently for up to an hour to try and get him to sleep, now he won't let us do that so literally just rolls around, sometimes crying sometimes calm, for up to one hour at nap time and up to two hours at bedtime.
We can't leave the room without him screaming.

Tried controlled crying for about a week twice, thought we were making progress but them he just started screaming hysterically for over an hour each night until he passed out. Controlled crying did work for my other son so we do think it generally works just not for him.
We've tried disappearing chair too and he just starts wailing as soon as he can't see us.

Tonight he has been rolling around in his cot since 7.30, exhausted but too tired to sleep and is just screaming.

He usually naps for 1-1.5 hours at lunchtime so I don't think he is napping too much.

Situation is completely breaking me, husband is supportive but has no ideas. One of us has to sit with him for at least an hour every single night.

Any ideas on how to move forward?

Ellieboolou27 Thu 12-Jan-17 21:12:20

I'm in the same boat sad
My first dc I had to lay with in our bed until she fell asleep, for 3 loooooooong years, when dd2 came along I vowed I'd never do it again, however she's in our bed after me laying with her to get her to sleep tonight blush

She's 16 months, prior to that was an excellent sleeper 7-8 from 9 weeks, do u think it could be an age / stage thing?

We tried cio / gradual withdrawal / controlled crying, me sitting next to bed, bloody everything but I've given in and will co sleep for the next 2 years if my first is anything to go by

Ellieboolou27 Thu 12-Jan-17 21:15:15

Oh and It does break you, it's so draining, it's like I've become to dread bedtime.

How old is your other son? Could they sleep in the same room? I think my 16 month old too young to share with her sister who's 4.5, but I might let them room share in a few more months.

Frazzled2207 Thu 12-Jan-17 22:26:37

Hello! My older son is 3.6. I don't think sharing is a good idea at this stage they would just keep each other awake😔. They wind each other up enough during the day.
I'm at the point of just wanting to pay someone to sort it out but it's not that simple is it.
He's always been a rubbish sleeper, mostly co-slept when he was smaller and we still do when he wakes in the night (most nights). I'm just adamant that for the first part of the night he should sleep in his bloody cot!
Do you lie next to your dd until asleep then get up then and get on with your evening? Or go to bed early?

Ellieboolou27 Thu 12-Jan-17 23:15:06

He sounds like my first dd who never slept well unless it was in my bed, it started when she was around 18 months too.

well tonight was the first night in weeks that she was asleep by 7pm, mainly due to her being exhausted from being up till midnight last night! --and the last six week of failed sleep training-
I laid her in my bed and I lay beside her, it took 15 mins for her to drop off.
I'm in heaven as I've had a whole 4 hours evening to myself smile
Her room and our room is interjoining so it should be easy for her to sleep in her bed, but no, she screams constantly until she's in our bed, hence tonight I didn't even bother to take her in her room, last week we even got a toddler bed to encourage her to sleep, not working sad

I'm the same as you with the thinking in putting them together, and them keeping each other awake, I did actually try one night, but she still screamed for me, I've tried everything smile

I know everyone says you should not let them in your bed, I know it's a bad habit, but I need my evenings back.

Maybe try taking him into your bed, give him his feed, lights out so room all dark and see how he goes, you may find he falls asleep quicker as your bed is the place he ends up so he will feel safer maybe and less likely to wake / refuse to sleep...

Sorry I'm rambling on, i just know how bloody awful it is, let me know how you get on. Off to bed myself now, I feel so much better for not having a bedtime battle and having time for wine and Netflix

Ellieboolou27 Thu 12-Jan-17 23:19:50

Ooooh and I looked into a sleep specialist in my darkest moments

All I know is, I broke the rules, I put her in our bed, I stayed with her until she was asleep and I've saved myself a few hundred quid and my sanity grin

Frazzled2207 Fri 13-Jan-17 08:18:10

I think I may have to try just putting him in bed next to me and see how it goes- he settles well with us when he wakes in the night and I think we could transfer him to the cot once asleep. He was always a bit rubbish but never this bad, it's as if every step we take to sort it out sends him in the other direction and makes things worse.

Frazzled2207 Fri 13-Jan-17 08:21:06

How did you finally sort it with your older child, was it once she was old enough to be reasoned with?

Ellieboolou27 Fri 13-Jan-17 10:39:58

Morning, dd1 was the worst sleeper you could imagine, we were in 1 bed flat so harder to get her into her own bed, even though she had one in our room, everyone told me I'd never get her out, I too worried she'd never sleep in her own bed, let alone room. We moved to a house before dd2 and I was amazed at how easy it was, all those years stressing about what people told me about her not ever going to her own bedroom wasted, she was 3 and she just went in and loved it, she's very good at sleeping now on the whole. I seriously couldn't believe it was so easy. We decorated room, told her it was her special place just for her blah blah blah and that was it!

My method is frowned upon as everyone seems to think kids should sleep on their own, in reality we need to do what gets us through smile it really doesn't last forever I keep repeating this to myself

If you can transfer him into cot once he is in deep sleep then even better.

Is your older son a good sleeper? What did you do when he was this age?

munchkinmable Fri 13-Jan-17 10:52:04

I'm in the same boat. Some nights reading a really long story (mr men books are quite good) and then turning off the lights and telling her a story while rubbing her back helps, but other nights she won't be put down and it all goes horribly wrong.

I'm very tempted to get a CD player for her and stick an audiobook on for her because I think she's soothed by voices

Frazzled2207 Fri 13-Jan-17 10:59:06

Hi munchkin sorry you also have this I might try the audiobook thing too. Or possibly a recording of our own voices.

Frazzled2207 Fri 13-Jan-17 11:09:04

We did controlled crying with older son when he was 2, 4 nights of hell and it was sorted. Has been broadly ok since. Hence our disappointment that same approach has not worked with ds2!

Ellieboolou27 Fri 13-Jan-17 12:46:16

I'm going to give cc a try again in a few months as I've been battling bedtimes since November and I'm done in by it all now, I'm upset dd2 has gone like this as she was amazing sleeper before, no nought feeds or waking from 9 weeks, guess my smugness about her sleep is now paying me back!

Good luck all on whatever method works, just promise me if you find any alternatives that do work, please pass them on grin

munchkinmable Fri 13-Jan-17 19:43:24

I don't think I could ever do cc, but each to their own. I have a cloud b projector that sometimes calms her - gives her something to stare at to focus her a little

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