Polite ways of disagreeing with CC?(10 Posts)
It feels to me as if everyone I know in RL uses CC (unless they have a really easy baby). All the HVs round here say that's what you should do too, even for really young babies. I'm really not a fan but when it comes up for discussion I never manage to find polite/friendly/non-confrontational ways of saying why I don't like it, so I end up saying nothing and then feeling bad that it never gets challenged. Has anyone got any good ways of gently challenging the idea of CC in everyday conversation?
The best I've managed so far is something like 'obviously babies are different and you have to do what works for you, but I don't believe in leaving DS to cry' but that doesn't actually explain why I don't. It's really hard to talk about without sounding either like I think they're evil (which I don't) or like I'm ridiculously tender-hearted and sentimental (which I don't think I am). I'm not very good at arguments anyway -too scared of confrontation.
It's not the fact that some people use CC that I'm bothered about but the way that everyone I know seems to accept it as just what you have to do. The way nobody questions it. I want it to be more up for debate in RL (I know it is on Mumsnet...)
i remember a guy at baby group basically telling us all that controlled crying was evil. i agreed with him but he was so smug i could have slapped him. do you have to say anything?
Perhaps just stating that there are alot of alternatives around ( such as Baby Whisperer etc) for anyone who, for whatever reason, like yourself, is uncomfortable with CC.
I think that you can only explain why you feel it isn't right for your ds, and hope that people take up the wider implication that it may also be wrong for their child. It will help if you are also a born natural in other areas of parenting. I know one or two women who are such naturals with their own brood that I would seek out their advice (and interestingly enough they are the last people who would offer it without being asked).
Don't most people resort to CC only as a last resort? They did in my circle of friends (other than one mad women who hasn't has a full nights sleep in over 6 years!)
^laughs at both responses^
I do want to be polite about it cos 1) I'm scared of confrontation and 2) I want these people to remain my (sort-of) friends and 3) I already feel like the weird one for other reasons.
And I do want to say something because I feel at the moment CC just gets accepted as what you have to do and I really hate it when something I disagree with is accepted as just the way things are!
in that case don't be polite just say you don't want to leave your child screaming in a darkened room thinking it has been abandoned.
I have done modified CC and have always been nervous to suggest it on a thread in case I get jumped on. I fully believe in people's right to have different parenting philosophies and would never criticise someone for choosing another way of dealing with bad sleeping. I agree that a tactful way of disagreeing is essential. I think you can just say that whilst it's alright for some people, it's not a method which you ascribe to, maybe?
i don't get into conversations about the subject i am very comfortable with the way i parent and my kid does not have to behave in any sort of 'expected' way, less stress for me i think, i prefer going with the flow and it suits us.
i listen when they talk but don't justify myself and i don't say to them ' on but that is awful' it's their child their business
i keep my opinions to myself on that subject
there's no should or shouldn't about it. Everyone is in a unique position and what is right for one family isn't right for all.
In some families, they may have tried everything and still having a lot of sleep deprivation and there may be additional stresses to compound the situation. for them, cc is the answer if it works.
I don't think you need to justify your position either way as just like babies change constantly - we may change our views on it depending on circumstances.
Personally, I want to do it as i'm massively sleep deprived but not been ready due to other stresses. Am not happy about the thought of it but I know it will get to the point where I will need to try anything to get a night's sleep.
I think people become evangilical about it after many months ( maybe years) of sleepless nights and then when something works they think everyone should try it. But one shoe does not fit all!
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