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So annoyed with DH - sleep training

(32 Posts)
Youcantscaremeihavechildren Fri 30-Dec-16 07:00:03

For over a week now over the xmas holidays we've been using a sleep consultant to sort 21 month old ds sleep. He was taking hours to go to sleep and wouldn't without being cuddled or fed, was feeding several times a day and night and waking sometimes hourly then in bed early hours with us, feeding. I am exhausted and just couldn't carry on with it. So it's been a week of really hard wOrkney, 5am waking where I've had to sit with him screaming and try to convince him it's still night time for 2 hrs, waking for hours in the middle of the night, 2 hour bed times. I've done all of it, as ds just gets more distressed if dh puts him to bed and we figured it was best to just get the worst (ds going to sleep without me feeding him) over with whilst we are both on holidays. DH had read the plan and knew the routine we had to follow and I'd told him each night what I'd done. We were finally making progress as ds was waking later and hadn't fed more than morning and evening for a few days.
He finally promises me, after I have got up with ds every morning of the holidays, usually before 6, that I can have a lie in this morning. Fab, because I am totally exhausted and we sat up a bit too late last night watching TV and I might have polished off a bottle of red.
Except ds wakes at 5am. And instead of doing it the hard way, what I've been doing every fucking morning for over a week, he gets him up and puts him in our bed. Where of course he wakes me up and tries to feed. I put up with him laying down on me wide awake for an hour then told dh to take him back to bed, where he screamed the place down for 30 mins. I've just stated the day early by feeding him and sending him down with DH and come back to bed. I'm wide awake and won't get back to sleep now. This will still volunteers as my bastard lie in though. Fucker.

I am so angry when I don't get sleep!

Why is is so fucking difficult to stick to a plan?! 2 weeks I had to try and get us all better sleep. We are desperate, all of us. It was starting to work. If I don't cave whilst he's screaming and clawing at my top to get a boob out at 3 am first 2 hrs how can he not just do what I've been doing and go into him, close the fucking door and let me sleep?

This is so hard and we're going to have yet another evening whee I'm putting him to bed with him screeching at me for over an hour and I don't even have the hope he might now sleep past 5 tomorrow morning as we're probably back where we started regarding early mornings.

Rant over. Just needed to get that off my chest!

WellErrr Fri 30-Dec-16 07:02:18

I'd have gone apeshit at the lazy fucker. Sorry OP.

Capricornandproud Fri 30-Dec-16 07:03:04

Oh love -i've been there. Fucking men!!!!!

nuttyknitter Fri 30-Dec-16 07:06:15

Your poor baby.

nuttyknitter Fri 30-Dec-16 07:07:03

Your poor poor baby.

lorelairoryemily Fri 30-Dec-16 07:07:27

Poor little baba

LapinR0se Fri 30-Dec-16 07:08:24

What does the sleep consultant say about the early morning waking?

starsinyourpies Fri 30-Dec-16 07:09:33

'Poor baby' posters, the parent is right by the child and reassuring them, a nearly 2 year old does not need to feed through the night!!!

OP your DH gets a major bollocking today, good luck with the plan, it sounds like you will all be benefitting from more sleep soon!

fessmess Fri 30-Dec-16 07:10:23

I feel your pain. On a smaller scale my dh has let out puppy sleep on bed when I got up early for work. Then when sleeping in lounge with her, next step in the plan, he let her sleep on him. It's laziness. My dh will be first to moan soon about dog hmm

confusedandemployed Fri 30-Dec-16 07:11:25

My DH would have done this. He seems to think NOTHING is more important than his own sleep.

I'd have gone apeshit too. He did it cos he didn't want to get up or deal with your DS.

drinkyourmilk Fri 30-Dec-16 07:12:19

I'd say you get an early night and your husband sorts your son out tonight. He needs to learn just as your son does.

Fairylea Fri 30-Dec-16 07:14:38

What happens if you just get up with him at 5am? Would he then be more tired by bedtime and sleep better? I know you'll probably hate me saying this but 5am is a "normal" wake up time for lots of smaller children, it's how their body clocks are wired. Rather than fight against it I would accept any time from 5am onwards as Morning and get up. Both my children (ten year age gap) always woke up for the day at 5am ish when they were between 1 and about 3. Eventually they do sleep longer. The night wakings are very difficult to cope with though and I really do get the feeling of anger at lack of sleep!

blueistheonlycolourwefeel Fri 30-Dec-16 07:15:14

Yeah, get some ear plugs and let your h sort him out. A 2 year old does not need feeding through the night and all those people saying poor baby aren't helping!!!!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 30-Dec-16 07:15:37

Poor baby' posters, the parent is right by the child and reassuring them, a nearly 2 year old does not need to feed through the night!!!

This! How fucking patronising nutty, get over yourself!

Introvertedbuthappy Fri 30-Dec-16 07:22:22

5 is a natural wake up time, sorry. My DS1 has always been an early riser (now 6am) but likes to read in bed for an hour. He can't sleep later any more naturally than I could go to bed at 6:30pm. My DS2 gets up between half 4 and half 5 most days...I could be with him while he screams and gets upset that he's ready for the day but I'm trying to force him back to sleep but I don't think that's particularly fair.
He should have taken baby straight downstairs though - this should definitely not count as your lie in.

waitingforsomething Fri 30-Dec-16 07:26:32

Poor baby?! He's 21 months he doesn't need breast feeding at night. Your DH has been really lazy not to stick with your plan I would also go ape shit.

Dreamstosell Fri 30-Dec-16 07:31:41

Obviously he doesn't need fed during the night at that age. However I imagine the poor baby comments were more to do with the op saying she is sitting with him screaming for 2 hours trying to convince him it's still night.

Gallavich Fri 30-Dec-16 07:34:38

I'm with those wondering why you're trying to get him back to sleep at 5am
For some children that's their natural wake up time. Parents need to go to bed earlier to adjust. It's shit but it's just how it is.

Fairylea Fri 30-Dec-16 07:35:15

Dh should have got him up at 5am when he was awake and taken him downstairs to occupy him / start the day so you could have a lie in.

AmberEars Fri 30-Dec-16 07:35:21

This does NOT count as your lie in, OP. You need to make it clear to your DH that, because of HIS failure to follow through, you are owed another one tomorrow morning.

bittapitta Fri 30-Dec-16 07:57:49

5am is normal wake up time. DH and I take it in turns to get up (take baby downstairs, give milk/breakfast/play) to allow the other to sleep. That's what you need to do.

Youcantscaremeihavechildren Fri 30-Dec-16 09:08:53

OK. poor baby? Really? He has everything he wants. I'm just not prepared to be up every hour bf a 2 year old and then having that 2 year old in bed with me when I get no sleep and my already terrible back pain gets worse as I haven't slept for more than 3 hrs in 2 years and canot lay down properly to rest even at night. I also get no evening as it takes hours to put him to bed and then I have work to do. I also drive to full time work so I'm scared most days I'll have an accident. His 6 yr old sister is so tired it's been commented on in school as he wakes up crying every hour. So no, not poor baby, he needs to sleep and so do we all.

He is being given put back to bed currently anytime before 7. I have moved this earlier to about 6.30 as that's when we get ready for childminder and work, when he wakes at 3am/4am/5am every morning it is exhausting. 6 I can deal with, I don't agree that 5 is OK. Yes he's been screaming but I'm there with him and I cuddle him, hold him, lay him down, rub his back, tell him it's night time. He gets a little drink out of a cup but we stay in the dark. After 5 days of him protesting hes started waking loads later. I'm with him, I'm gradually moving from me being practically laid in his toddler bed, with me cuddling him and his hand firmly down the front of my top holding a boob tightly hmm last night, in a chair next to his bed with him laying down and my hand on his back. He woke the other night just once and then at 6.45am. He was happy all day, had a good nap and it was great. Normally I'd have an overtired boy whingeing and crying all day, droping off to sleep as soon as he could and asking for boob all day through tiredness. Weve had 7.30 waking since then too. He needs to sleep. So I'm 100% this is the right thing but there's been tears on both sides yes. Which is even more why I don't want to confuse him and go back!

Dh struggles as ds will not settle for him, as he only wants boob. Hoping this will change things as I do feel trapped every night. I know he's tired, we all are but the difference is I've had a couple of early nights when I've needed to and he's sat up drinking ale and watching crappy films till Midnight.

I will give him the sleep plan again to read but it's not as if he hasn't read it, it fucks me off that he can read and write full protocols at work but can't or won't stick to a bloody plan at home. He asks me all the frigging time about everything, he walked in with him this morning at 5 and started to put him in bed, I said he needed to know it was still night. Oh will I get him up then? No for fucks sake!

I have had an hour of dozing so I will tell him I'm sleeping in tomorrow as I'm coming down with some thing anyway, he can have Sunday and Monday. Fingers crossed he won't be up at 5 again tomorrow...joke is when he has a lie in its till gone 10, I get up put washing on, dress kids and put dishwasher on, tidy up kitchen etc...I'll get up in a mo and he'll have done nothing except lie on sofa and watch kids play.

Beansprout30 Fri 30-Dec-16 09:30:42

Christ op he needs a rocket up his ass. Sounds a selfish bastard who knows exactly what he's playing at because he thinks you will just take over and deal with ds. Men can be so frustrating, my dh works away Monday to Friday and is on Xmas leave at the minute, dd has been a nightmare at night lately and after night two of him 'helping' he said he couldn't cope and dreads coming home! Oh helpful dh, welcome to my world where I've been doing this for 8 weeks now on my own! Grr

Beansprout30 Fri 30-Dec-16 09:30:59

Ops paragraph fail

BantyCustards Fri 30-Dec-16 09:39:56

I have yet to meet a man who is perfectly able to carry out instructions at work, read plans and execute them and generally show initiative and can do the same at home even if his partner is present.

He needs a rocket up his arse.

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