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7 month old, night weaning and conflict with DP

(10 Posts)
1sttimemama1986 Thu 29-Dec-16 02:53:06

I made the decision to stop breastfeeding and gradually over last few weeks have replaced 3 feeds starting with bedtime with a bottle.

This has been very difficult. My breasts become full every couple hours so have to express for comfort but despite this have become engorged and have painful lumpy blocked ducts. My lb has been most unsettled for me during the night then he ever has been. And will not often settle with DP.

My DP and usually good at being supportive of one another. Tonight started with conversation acknowledging the difficulties we are all having with this transition all getting very little sleep.

We have co- slept majority of LB life but trying to promote cot sleep. Every night starts in cot and sometimes he has remained in cot all night despite waking up to 8 times normally 3/4 of these were breast feeds now say 2 bottles.

I have just come to sleep on sofa after DP lost it and shouted at me, in front of my distraught lb whose been crying for an hour since I fed him passed him to DP as needed to express for comfort. On my return I offered to take lb to settle him. DP wanted to carry on trying. His method leave him in cot to cry. Whilst standing close, reassuring etc. He had been crying for an hour. I laid there in bed hiding g my tears. My heart is hurting for my lb who is wondering why I am not comforting him. My DP asked why I wasn't sleeping. I explained that I couldn't as found lb crying distressing. He said to go downstairs. I tried to creep out door. Lb saw/ heard me. DP proceeded to shout for fucks sake in a very angry voice after I left room. I went in and said don't you shout at him like that he responded I'm shouting at you.

Feel shit, unsupported, disappointed and desperately sad my lb is crying and I am not comforting him. I am trying to bit undermine my DP. But I have so much anger toward him now. He has shown no concern for the impact on me during this process and carried on with his way despite us always saying cry it out isn't for us.

Sad and sobbing, sleeping on sofa mama.

lovelyleftrubbishright Thu 29-Dec-16 03:01:50

Go and give your baby a cuddle! Your husband will have to get over it seeing as he's a grown man and your baby is, well, a baby!

I don't think any couples are best friends at 3am with a crying baby, we've all been there. flowers

CakesRUs Thu 29-Dec-16 03:08:23

Agree with the previous poster, it's hard when you're both knackered. I'd take the baby too. Discuss it tomorrow.

MoreThanUs Thu 29-Dec-16 03:12:50

Stop expressing for comfort - your body registers the milk being used and just makes more. It is painful, but you just need to leave it and your body will acclimatise to the new amounts of milk needed.

1sttimemama1986 Thu 29-Dec-16 04:46:15

Thank you for replies. About 15 mins after I read your post Lovely DP cane down apologised and admitted defeat. We are both tired and defo best talk about it tomorrow.

Re: not pumping for comfort, I've read up and because of my experience of mastitis and blocked ducts before now I don't want to risk it or end up with an Abscess! I read that expressing a teeny bit for comfort is ok and recommended?

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay Thu 29-Dec-16 05:35:22

Yes - pump but only to relieve pain.

FATEdestiny Thu 29-Dec-16 09:16:47

1sttimemama1986 - your lovely DP is only trying to help. He's doing all he can for your baby and you, just as you are.

He is not keavibg baby to cry. He is staying and reassuring baby and is trying to help baby learn to go to sleep in the cot. If you don't wAnt want to embrace cosleeping, getting baby to go to sleep in the cot is the single most important thing to do. So please don't berate him for trying.

Sounds like you are both feeling list at sea with regards to sleep.

You seem to have had the "Something Must Be Done" talk, but not worked out how you will tackle the Sleep issue together. Without a clear plan, you are going to find it difficult to support each other.

We have co- slept majority of LB...

Why stop? Can you not make cosleeping work?

If you want or need to stop cosleeping, that's fine and nothing wrong in that. But it will involve some dustress. To get baby sleeping happily and well in the cot after 7 months of cosleeping, he needs to learn to go to sleep in the cot.

If you can't cope with reassuring with baby in the cot, don't beat yourself up about it. Just pick baby up and get to sleep ib your arms. No big deal. But adjust your expectations. This will mean baby will probably cry for you more frequently during the night.

How about a side car cot? Remove one side off your full sized cot and butt it up to your bed. It makes for a gentle interim between cosleeping and cot sleeping, whereby you can still lie down and cuddle into the cot. But then extract yourself into your bed afterwards.

1sttimemama1986 Thu 29-Dec-16 15:28:41

FATEdestiny- I get what your saying about the cry it out, your right lb was not left alone and was reassured etc. You are completely right with regards agreeing the sleep situation needs changing but not being 100% clear.

For me transitioning from boob to bottle is a massive step for us all with DP now having a role during the night!! We have had a talk and agreed boob to bottle and co-sleep to cot is too much at once. Probably an understatement!

So our focus is to get lb taking bottle during night and going to sleep not too long after whether this be in the cot or bed. Later on we'll tackle co sleeping!!

Last night I was making a point of not undermining DP but leaving him too it, feeling guilty and awful the whole time. And I think it was probably because we hadn't talked about 'he must sleep in cot from now' I agree this does need to happen. One step at a time. Thank you for advice xx

FATEdestiny Thu 29-Dec-16 17:05:39

I'd have the cot in my room and swap sides of the bed with DH, so he is in the side of the bed with the cot.

He can then have a good go at resetting in the cot with a dummy, but all done with him being able to stay in bed and not having to get up. Then if he can't settle after 20 minutes or so warm and give a bottle, try cot settlibg after feed and if that's not happening, into your bed.

All of that can be done without getting out of bed (if you have a bottle warmer)

FATEdestiny Thu 29-Dec-16 17:06:36

That should have said 10 minutes or so...

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