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Help! Baby won't sleep!

(21 Posts)
Chlandy Mon 19-Dec-16 02:11:19

Hello,

I'm asking for help cos I'm desperate... My baby is 6 weeks old tomorrow and he just will not sleep unless he is asleep on me being held! He is getting worse as days go by, he will not go in a Moses basket at all but he would sleep in bed with us so we bought a next 2 me crib, that worked wonders for a week or so... Now he won't sleep in that either! He has to be in my arms... Me and my partner are starting to crack because my partner is starting to resent us both as he is so exhausted for work and I'm just a walking zombie. Been to doctors and he has very mild reflux but won't prescribe gaviscon because it's so mild and likely to cause constipation and he already doesn't go daily so it's the lesser of 2 evils! Is there anything I can do, night time is becoming a massive anxiety now sad.

Thank you x

SpeakNoWords Mon 19-Dec-16 02:23:28

I would suggest your partner sleeps in a spare room if you have one, or on the sofa so he isn't disturbed. There's no point both of you having your sleep interrupted. Your partner needs to stop with any expressions of resentment though. That really isn't helpful. Are you able to talk to him about this in the daytime when you get a moment of calm?

Some babies do just want to be held. I've had two of them. Can you feed lying down and co-sleep (following safe co-sleeping guidelines)?

For trying to put the baby down, try warming the cot with a hot water bottle before transferring. Swaddling can help, as can white noise. You need to wait longer than you think before transferring too. For the reflux, you can raise the head end of the cot (if possible), there are wedges you can buy for this if you can balance the cot on a couple of books or similar.

AprilShowers16 Mon 19-Dec-16 02:26:23

Can you and your partner sleep in different beds and you and baby cosleep in one bed? I know it seems like they should sleep the same in a next to me type cot but I know that doesn't always work but co sleeping might. It also might mean your partner could get some sleep and then you could do shifts with baby sleeping on you or he'd have more energy to help you.

Having said that I know some people find it really important to have the moral support of their partner being awake with them during difficult nights so that might not work for you.

It won't be like this forever

pipnchops Mon 19-Dec-16 02:42:29

This is so hard and both of mine have been like this. Eventually they have to sleep so I found I really had to persevere with putting them down when they fell asleep on me and eventually they'd give in and sleep in the Moses basket out of sheer exhaustion. It broke me on many occasions though as it would take many hours of breast feeding them to sleep then carefully transferring them to Moses basket, they'd immediately ping awake as soon as they hit the mattress and I'd have to repeat the process many many times but I just kept going. Eventually it got better. It was like a battle of wills but I wasn't prepared to lose.
With first DD I was terrified of co sleeping but with second DD I'm a bit more open to it, so on some nights when I'm too shattered to persevere with repeatedly trying to put her down in the Moses basket, I feed lying down so I can rest my eyes and eventually we both fall asleep in my bed. These are the nights we both get the best sleep. But I only like doing that if my DH is not sleeping in the bed. (Some nights he sleeps in the spare room with our toddler, who still isn't a fan of sleeping in her cot). Can your DP sleep in another room? It's hard but we do what we have to to get some sleep. You cannot fall asleep holding the baby but there are safe ways to co sleep (google the lullaby trust for tips) on the odd night (or every night) if you are too exhausted to persevere with putting your baby down. I hope it gets better soon for you, this won't last forever although it feels like it.

NurseRosie Mon 19-Dec-16 02:55:14

I have this problem too, my baby is 5 weeks old. Even tried the next to me and he hates that. Euan the sleep sheep changed nothing. We are currently co sleeping, DH is in the spare room. Lo has a dummy which helped with the comfort sucking.have you read about the firth trimester? http://m.huffpost.com/uk/entry/9607642

For the reflux and wind I'm using Infacol and doing the colic/wind strokes of baby massage. Noticed some improvement.

Chlandy Mon 19-Dec-16 02:55:59

Thank you, I may try going back to cosleeping for a while. I did think he would think its the same in the next2me crib but maybe that's wishful thinking... We do have another room, but only the 1 and it's our sons nursery so no bed only a cot in there, but he has gone on the sofa tonight, all be it in a strop and a mood so will try talking to him separately tomorrow sad. It is reassuring to hear he's not the only baby to be like this and you've had similar situations, can't help but think it's me failing as a mum sometimes... I'm first time mum so guess I just don't know what's normal and what to expect. Thank you xx

SmallBee Mon 19-Dec-16 02:56:40

With the reflux, go back and ask for gaviscon again but also lactulose for the constipation. My DS has been on this combo for four months and ww came off the lactulose after three weeks as he wasn't constipated anymore.

Can yoyr DP look after the baby from when he comes home until 12am/1am so you can sleep? Then you can switch with him and he'll get a good few hours before work. Try and be in separate rooms with the person sleeping using earplugs if needed?

Could also try white noise machine, a t-shirt or something else that smells like you around the mattress, heating the mattress before transfer, wedging the moses basket so there is a tilt (especially good with reflux babies) or give up and look up safe ways to co-sleep.

firsttimemum15 Mon 19-Dec-16 03:00:56

Sleepyhead?

Chlandy Mon 19-Dec-16 03:03:54

Thank you, I will try the tshirt and heating the mattress up, his crib is on a tilt for the reflux and we have a white noise app we play for him but willing to try anything and everything for us all to get some sleep. We have a sleepyhead and he hates it! Family keep making comments that it's my fault and that I've spoilt him, but I didn't think that was possible for 5 weeks old and he's been like this since he was about a week old, maybe younger!

firsttimemum15 Mon 19-Dec-16 03:06:10

You cant spoil a baby

SmallBee Mon 19-Dec-16 03:07:00

You cannot spoil a tiny baby. They are too tiny!
You are doing your best but some babies are difficult sleepers and you do whatever works so that the most people get the most sleep.

SpeakNoWords Mon 19-Dec-16 03:07:32

Tell your family to sod off with comments like that. It's no ones fault, you haven't spoilt him, and it's very normal and common.

I hope your partner apologises to you for being unsupportive. He needs to be backing you up not making you feel worse.

DuckWaddle Mon 19-Dec-16 03:23:39

I'm in exactly the same place with my 5 week old- hence tge post at this hour! If you find the answer let me know.
I'm at a loss of how to get him to sleep other than on me. The severe sleep deprivation means I'm finding it impossible to persevere with transferring to sleepyhead.
Ewan, sleepyhead etc aren't working! Agh!

Stumbleine Mon 19-Dec-16 08:14:27

Op you have not failed in the slightest!

Babies are biologically primed to want to be held! This is completely normal, human behaviour! And fwiw - all of your holding, stroking and contact is helping your baby to grow an amazing, sociable and clever brain smile

That said, I know from experience of my own dc that this doesn't mean that you don't need/want space and your arms free from time to time! Unfortunately, we are rarely in situations where we can sit around whilst being waited on/fed/cared for by others (more's the pity). Just try to remember - it won't last forever.

I would highly recommend a book called 'Why Love Matters'.

Orangebird69 Mon 19-Dec-16 08:17:21

My 14mo still won't sleep without me at night. Co sleeping is the only thing that's saved my sanity. Your family need to STFU and your dh needs to get over it. It's not forever.

Stumbleine Mon 19-Dec-16 08:17:48

Btw - I'm not trying to minimise the hell that is sleep deprivation due to a Velcro baby! (I've had three of the monkeys!). It's only dc number 4 who appears to not mind being put down to sleep.

I guess my point is that sometimes, acceptance is your best bet! And that it really isn't wrong/abnormal for babies to be this way smile

AmbridgeGirl Mon 19-Dec-16 08:36:49

Oh poor you. Isn't you failing as a Mum at all, you are doing a great job. Babies this tiny want to be close to you all the time, it's biology. So please ignore your family, you can't spoil a baby this young. Also DP needs to support you more, you are a team.

I'd suggest co-sleeping as well. I have an 8 week old DS who is the same and we co-sleep at the moment with DH in spare room. We go to bed around 9.30 with water, snacks and kindle. (DH gets this all ready for us). We wake up few times in the night to feed but we then fall back to sleep afterwards. Normally get up around 7.30 with DH making me breakfast and taking DS for a cuddle and play before he goes to work. So we are getting so much more sleep than if we were co-sleeping and everyone feels a bit more sane!

Also don't know how the day naps are for you, but I've had some success with taking DS for a walk in his baby carrier, where he falls asleep and then coming home and then transferring him to his snoozpod when he's in a deep sleep. I keep his outdoor suit on and just unzip the zipper a little so he doesn't over heat. Keeping him in the suit means he's less sensitive and doesn't realise he's been moved. I had two hours 'hands free' yesterday and it was great! Good luck and I know it's not easy.

mimiholls Mon 19-Dec-16 13:23:26

I co slept for first 8 weeks. Do what you need to do to both get some sleep and don't worry at this age as they are still tiny. I gradually transitioned to the next to me crib- first of all practically half lying in there with her, with my head resting by hers and arm over her. Now she settles herself to sleep in it with the side up (4 months). You will get there but don't worry at this stage, it's entirely normal for him not to want to sleep alone.

user1482420029 Thu 22-Dec-16 15:34:08

My daughter was the same and I bought a next to me cot. I tired swaddling but she didn't like that either. I'd feed and then wait until she was in a deep sleep before slowly lowering her into her bed. I warmed the blanket first too (no one likes a cold bed).

I made a rod for my own back with the Next to Me cot. I kept her in it for too long and she started rolling into my bed and now she doesn't sleep in her cot. Personally, I would try the cot instead now. I've also heard that snuggle head is really good?

I have an issue where my 13 month wakes every 1.5 hours and will only settle for boobie. It's a real struggle trying to wean her off.

It's all trial and error. Your baby loves your warm body and they feel so safe being with you.

Keep trying out different methods. If you haven't already been told - you're doing a great job x

sunshineon Sun 09-Apr-17 17:55:39

My baby is 14 weeks old now, as a new mum I didn't know how or if she would sleep in her crib, she wouldn't for longer than half an hour so she co slept in my bed until she was 5 weeks until a friend recommended a swaddle me blanket. Swaddling was like magic and she went from not sleeping at all in her own bed next to mine to doing 4 hour stretches (she's EBF). She's had a bit of a period of waking recently we think due to a growth spurt but is only waking twice in 12 hours now until she hits another regression! She's moved onto a zip up swaddle now which we are gradually weaning her off. Good luck I hope you get some sleep soon!

FATEdestiny Mon 10-Apr-17 09:33:08

Swaddles and dummys are the nearest you'll get to magic wands, in terms of independant baby sleep.

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