I've just started sleep training with my 4 month old, I'm trying to do the pick up put down method but confused about when I should go in to her.
She's currently awake and talking grizzle shouting to herself, I went in 10 minutes ago when she first woke up and she was happy and smiling in her cot so not upset or really crying, I've come back out and can hear her doing the same.
Do u just leave her as she's happy, fed and clean nappy and just wants company or shall I go in to her and stay with her until she's asleep?
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Sleep training when to go in to baby?
35 replies
Jemimapuddingduck · 15/12/2016 19:51
OP posts:
fruityb ·
15/12/2016 21:40
Im taking that advice of cuddles! My DS is four months old and I worry about the whole sleep thing! He's a good sleeper (most of the time) and can go off on his own but I do enjoy the snuggles 
If you're anything like me OP and you keep reading about self soothing and settling and how you could be ruining things by cuddling to sleep too much it is worrying!
DS can do it, but I won't refuse him a snuggle.
FuckingHellz ·
15/12/2016 21:46
The way I think of it is they won't need cuddling to sleep when they're a teenager!
I've also resigned myself to the fact that I might have a tidy house again in about 20 years 
Jemimapuddingduck ·
15/12/2016 22:33
Thanks for the replies we've only started this week because she refuses to sleep downstairs with us after 6pm and it's not like we're going to go and lie in bed in the dark with her at that time so intensely monitoring the monitor from downstairs is the only option!
I wasn't sure what to do and no one had replied in time so I just stood outide the door to make sure she was just shouting to herself but not upset and she soon put herself to sleep.
I'd much rather her be down with us but the last few days she screams until I put her to bed so I think she's ready even if we're not! 
OP posts:
WellErrr ·
16/12/2016 00:00
I don't think anyone's trying to make you feel crap. I'm certainly not. We're all just trying our best 
Rockingaround ·
16/12/2016 05:00
Offs,
hi OP from what I can fathom, you're just putting baby to sleep in cot in your bedroom as opposed to downstairs. I had to stay with mine until they fell asleep --still
do, they're 4+6-- but it's great that your DD fell asleep on her own; you were right outside the door - I think that's more than totally fine. She may not do it all the time and I know I never grasped the pick up put down thing, but I think the main message to send to your DD is reassurance, wether you do that in the room with her or by popping back in when you feel she needs you. I know that PND can make you doubt your qualities, but you know when your girl needs you from the sounds she makes, let those be your cues that she needs reassurance. Having confidence as a mother is such an illusive thing, I'm pg with our third and I still second guess many of my decisions every day. Sleep with your first baby is a road untravelled for both of you. Please just be kind to yourself, don't put yourself under any pressure, what works one day may be different the next - as will both of your needs. Putting her down in her own cot upstairs with the baby monitor on, with you there to help her drift off, to pop in and reassure her, to hold her hand when needed is perfectly normal at 16 weeks old. Being downstairs is probably too stimulating for her now, you've made the right decision xx
Pluto30 ·
16/12/2016 05:42
If grizzling, I would just go in and pat on the back. Reassure the baby you're still there, but don't pick them up.
If crying/screaming/hysterical, I'd pick them up, put them to your shoulder, pat and rock a little bit until they're completely calm, then repeat the process.
I have a friend who works at a centre specifically for difficult babies and she deals with a lot of bad sleepers. She's said that babies are capable of sleeping through at 6mo, so if you don't seem to have any luck with sleep training now, I would say just let it go and do what you've got to do to survive for another couple of months and then try again.
I had to do sleep training with DS2. He was a nightmare sleeper. It worked for us. Took about a week of going in every 5-10 minutes for an hour until he'd fall asleep, but he's slept very well ever since (with the exception of teething, ear infections, colds etc - the usual things that stop people from sleeping well).
I truly don't believe for a second that you're doing your baby any harm by putting them down and letting them cry/whinge/grizzle for a while. There's just no logic to that at all. You can be the most loving and attentive parent in the world, but you also need to put your sanity and mental health at the forefront of your priorities. FWIW, my controlled crying/CIO/sleep trained baby is now 5.5 and the most affectionate and loving of all three of my children. I don't think it did him any harm. 
Good luck, OP.
Eminybob ·
16/12/2016 06:07
Hi op.
It doesn't sound like what you are doing is sleep training, as you are not leaving the baby to cry, I think some of the harsh responses you've had are due to the wording you've used rather than what you are actually doing.
At 4 months I was putting DS to sleep upstairs at bed time with the monitor because he slept better that way.
Are you breast feeding? I relied on breastfeeding to sleep at that age, and cuddling and rocking, I honestly don't think it made a rod for my back as DS has self settled at bed time since he was 9/10 months, he just started doing it when I stopped breastfeeding, without any intervention from me, but until than I just did what I needed to do to get him off.
Naps are another matter, and DS still needs cuddling and rocking to go off at nap time (he's 2 ffs 
!) but I do it because it's no skin off my nose, only takes a few minutes and if we are out and about and I can't do that he will fall asleep in the push chair or car. I'm happy to keep doing it until he drops the nap.
My point is, there isn't anything wrong with doing what you need to do to help them off to sleep, and in the long run its actually easier ask less stressful than trying to force self settling before they are ready.
scrumptiouscrumpets ·
16/12/2016 06:40
Sounds like you did the right thing. She went to sleep without crying herself to sleep. I'd try the same thing this evening. If she starts sounding distressed (trust yourself, you will know when she is distressed), you can be in there immediately if you stand outside the door.
Mn is very anti sleep training, usually followed by phrase "mine is 6 now and sleeps all night!" 
Both of mine were ready to sleep in a dark and quiet room by 3 months. It's not unusual.
Take care of yourself and don't doubt yourself as a mum!
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Rockingaround ·
16/12/2016 10:16
O Jesus! All she's doing is putting her DD upstairs as opposed to in the living room with the telly on, lights, talking, smells of food etc etc she's hardly leaving her to scream her lungs out!
There is NOTHING in any of the OP's posts that have indicated any form of difficulty in attachment, are you trying to make her feel terrible? I appreciate your friend may have felt like this but it's not thread worthy here.
As PP has said, its the phrase "seep-training" which has tipped the balance. She's not sleep training, the baby is just in her cot and her mummy is RIGHT THERE! Lay off the OP!
OP - honestly, some people! Shake it off, you know in your heart that every minute of every day, you're doing your absolute best for your angel girl, which is why you were on here at ridiculous-O'clock this morning.
With regards to the PND, it may pass... I take 40mg of citalopram, I have both breastfed and been pregnant whilst taking them. I'm more positive, laugh more and take things less seriously - I'm happy, which used to be my only wish when blowing candles out, throwing a penny in a fountain etc so of it's getting on top of you, (and I am by no means saying you have indicated that at all) go an see your GP
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