8 week old only sleeping on me(16 Posts)
This is my first post on here and am looking for some advice/support on a sleep issue. I'm a first time mum and have an 8 week old little girl. For the past week and a half she has taken to only sleeping on me. Every time I put her down in her basket or crib after spending ages getting her to sleep she either wakes up straight away or she wakes up after one sleep cycle of 30 minutes and can't get her self of to sleep again. I know she wants more sleep because if I pick her up she falls asleep again on me. I've been holding her during her naps just so she gets some sleep as I'm scared of her becoming overtired but I'm feeling very stressed about the situation and really don't know what to do for the best. I've read so many things about the fourth trimester and to go with it until she learns to self settle, that's she is too young to sleep train and learn how to fall asleep on her own. However loads of other sites advise you to put them down drowsy but awake and that sleep props are bad even at this age.
I am so confused,is anyone else in the same situation or been there? Any advice or support is very gratefully received!
Hm not sure how helpful this is but I'm at 20 weeks and most naps are on me (he's having one right now!). I put him on my chest tummy down lying up me and watch a few hours of TV! I'm actually really loving these times. He's very recently also started sleeping in the pram and I can bring the pram into the house and sometimes he'll stay asleep in it stationary (today for 2 hours!)
I've so given up on what you're supposed to do with sleep.
For bed time I switch between co sleeping and the crib with a move towards more crib time now. But I only put him down when he's asleep, and he will fall asleep in my arms only.
I know there are all these things you're supposed to do but this way he sleeps ok (as best he can I think anyway since he sometimes gets a bit gassy and uncomfortable over night) and I am more chilled now I've stopped trying to make him sleep alone.
With the nights it's getting better gradually. He was probably 12 weeks when I could put him down in the cot, switch the monitor on and have a few hours having dinner / a bath before I joined him in bedroom. That was a major break through.
My little man is the very same, he always napped in either my arms or Dh's, I love it, we still let him do it, he's 7 months now but from about 12 weeks we'd put him in the crib from time to time after he'd nodded off and he stayed asleep, I recently started giving him a little tigger to cuddle at night time and I find it helps him to settle himself if we put him down awake. One great tip we got from the nurses was to leave him in the crib and pat his tummy til he fell asleep, it works so well!! Always settles him to sleep, in fact it worked so well that he pats his own tummy now when he can't sleep, so cute!! That actually worked from about 7 weeks, it takes a little time but it's amazing!! I know some people will say you shouldn't let them fall asleep in your arms but it works for us!!
I should add we do the patting his tummy thing if he wakes after we've put him to bed, after letting him fall asleep in our arms, sometimes the moving disturbs him, he also sleeps better since we started using a grobag
For some babies 'drowsy but awake' is a myth, sorry. Check she's not showing signs of silent reflux; is she happy on her back during awake or play times? As long as she's healthy do what you need to do to get some sleep and don't feel guilty about it. My ds stopped doing this at about 6m, but that's probably no comfort to you. (He had cmpa so generally not a happy baby)
My 8 week old is napping in a swing, swaddled and with a dummy. Before he hit 8 weeks he was taking fairly good naps in it. Sometimes he sleeps for twenty minutes before he spits out the dummy and I keep giving it back to him till he's had a decent stretch of sleep. I put him in it after I've fed him, awake and with the dummy. Have you tried white noise? Is she warm enough when you transfer her? I too am scared about having an over tired baby so I let DS sleep on me in a baby carrier if he needs to catch up on naps. While this is not ideal it does allow me to get things done if I need to and he usually sleeps well like this. It makes me feel less anxious, I know my last resort is the carrier and he will sleep.
8 weeks is young to insist on separation unless you are in desperate need of it. My ds slept on me for the first 6 months and then I put him in his own room/bed and started solids all at once and it went just fine and he was sleeping through the night without me within days. I kicked my dd out of my bed at 10 weeks because she was driving me crazy and she never quite managed a good sleep on her own (or with me either). She is now 14 (years not months) and still sleeps in my bed all the time. Really depends on the child AND you and your limits.
This is what newborn babies do. The stuff in the books about "drowsy but awake" is absolute bullshit. As soon as you put them down they go from drowsy to extremely angry. I have had two bad sleepers and I have lived to tell the tale, without any form of sleep training being needed. The stuff about sleep props is also bollocks. I found the best sleep prop was my nipple, but often I could poke it out once they dozed off and pop a dummy in instead. Do not stress about sleep where possible. Get as much as you can whenever your baby is sleeping. Make sure your other half is doing a fair share of evening/early morning shifts - babies often settle for a while skin to skin on daddy's chest while mummy gets a good nap. Consider bedsharing with your baby, especially if you are breastfeeding. It is NOT forever. It gets better. Not right away, of course, the first year for a lot of us is about shit sleep and drinking lots of coffee.
I will add that in the day and the evening, we had reasonable success with a baby swing.
Both my babies would only nap
In my arms til they were about six months old. As for night time have you tried co sleeping? There are lots of tips to do it safely. Chuck your oh out of the bed, wear a cosy top yourself and wrap the duvet round your lower half with no bedding anywhere near the baby who should have their head level with yours. I got most sleep at this stage by co-sleeping then was gently able to transfer to crib.
It is tough but didn't last forever
Everything that passing said. And I couldn't agree more that once I finally stopped stressing about her sleeping on her own, what she "should" be doing and what I'm supposedly doing wrong I felt SO much better! She's 13 months now and I wish I'd followed my instincts sooner rather than obsess over books and people telling me I'm creating a rod for my own back.
Your doing great. Let your baby guide you... And your instincts. You're the mum and you know best.
Yup. Sounds familiar! It's worth being persistent with trying to put her down before she falls asleep and sitting with her until she does sleep. We didn't with dd1, because she was our first and so darn cute but it did mean more pain further down the line. We did with Ds and reaped the rewards. Not advocating leaving her crying, we always picked up then tried again. Nothing wrong with carrying on having her sleep on you of you are happy though.
Enjoy those cuddles and don't worry about what you "should" be doing. Unless it's a problem for you, just go with whatever works. Plenty of time to instill other habits.
Honestly, as frustrating as it might be just treasure those snuggles knowing that you are the comfiest bed of choice
For daytime you could get a stretchy wrap, or baby carrier and she might sleep on you in that so you can walk/move around.
Drowsy but awake definitely did not work for DD, although interestingly napping on her front did. Generally though she slept on me for months - read up on safe co-sleeping . We still often co-sleep and she's two now.
Thanks so much for the advice and support, it helps to know I'm not alone! My oh is adamant he wants me to keep trying her in her cot and to put her down sleepy but awake but it just doesn't feel the right time to me and fair on lo. He doesn't worry as much as I do about the overtiredness and it's hard when your not on the same page about what to do for the best.
Have made an appointment with the Gp today oatybiscuits as I have thought it could be reflux and she was clearly in discomfort for all of last night resulting in very little sleep for her. Going to try and relax a bit, am such a worrier but know you are all right in saying these lovely cuddles won't last forever so enjoy them! Xx
I promise you will look back and it will seem so fleeting. I am now on my third and think fondly of baby snuggles. Even though at the time I was sooooo tired.
All the sleepy but awake stuff never worked for my two. I stopped trying as it was stressful... And just fed them to sleep instead! They sleep
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