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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

The Controlled Crying Support Thread

118 replies

DetentionGrrrl · 15/02/2007 08:02

I am starting CC tonight. It goes against all my instincts, but i'm going back to work next month, and i'm pregnant, so DS has to sleep through. Have tried other ways, but he's almost 8mths, and enough is enough!

I am dreading it, i really am.

Please tell me i'm not alone!

OP posts:

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DimpledThighs · 15/02/2007 08:17

If it goes aganist your instincts you really need to prepare yourself as it is so very hard.

Do you have support (dp?) you may need to talk him through everything and have a schedule (one hour each or something).

Best of luck with it - I only managed for half an hour and then gave up! There are lots of different parenting styles on here, so hopefully someone will come along who has been through it.

I have heard lots of success stories using this method - it just wasn't the one for me.

morningpaper · 15/02/2007 08:20

I wouldn't do anything that goes against my mothering instincts. 8 months is still really, really young.

Good luck.

Mitchell81 · 15/02/2007 08:39

I feel you do want you need to do, if it's cc then go for it. I am also going to be trying from tomorrow night. So we can help each other. I also don't know how I will cope with afew sleepless nights and DS being upset. He is 8 months today. But I feel there is no harm in trying, and both him and myself and DH will have a better nights sleep once it works. Giving you lots of support, hope it works for you.
Wow pregnant already!!! When you due? I have a dd who's 6 and will only start trying for a 3rd after the summer.

Mitchell81 · 15/02/2007 08:40

sorry want is supposed to be what

plipp · 15/02/2007 08:47

My DC are quite grown up now, but I did CC on DS at 6 months, and I have to say that I found it less stressful than the constant battling to settle him at night. I think it's because I had it thought through, had a plan, and was looking forward to a positive outcome. Although you'll be anticipating some difficult nights, just think about the outcome.

IME, it worked brilliantly, so I say go for it. DS cried for 2 hours the first night, then 15 minutes the next, then that was it really - a few short unsettled patches for a couple of weeks, but it worked like magic.

I suppose that because it worked so well for me, you could argue that the stresses weren't there. But I can honestly say that for that one bad night, I didn't feel bad, as I knew where I was heading with it.

As well as the short term benefits, DS is so much better than a lot of my friends' DC at settling, sleeping in strange places, etc. I have a friend who still has to sit up with her DS, who's 9, until he settles.

Good luck.

morningpaper · 15/02/2007 08:53

Plipp: To imply that if you don't use controlled crying you will have trouble getting your 9 year-old to sleep is rubbish

plipp · 15/02/2007 09:08

1 - I hardly said "if you don't use controlled crying you will have trouble getting your 9 year-old to sleep"!

2 - In my albeit limited experience, and comparing mine with friends', the children who are used to settling themselves from an early age tend to cope better with night times in general.

3 - I was trying to be supportive to two mums who are about to embark on a "project" which they're nervous about, and to give them more positive experiences to hang on to.

DetentionGrrrl · 15/02/2007 09:21

thanks Mitchell81 and Plipp (i'm due around October i think- haven't had a dating scan yet)

when i say it goes against my instincts, surely it's against every mother's instincts to not attend to a crying child? He has been very well attended to since birth, and if he wakes he expects to be picked up and have a bottle, despite feeding and eating well in the day.

I can't cope with being pregnant and working, and still be getting up twice a night.

DP is sort of supportive- i've always done the night stuff, but i've explained what i'll be doing, and told him to make himself a bed downstairs tonight as he's working tomorrow. Have also asked him to take care of evening meals for next few days, and i'm going out for a few hours Saturday and leaving DS at home with him.

I've tried NCSS, to no avail. Have implemented some of you-know-whos ideas, which have helped him sleep slightly longer in the morning, but i can't cope with the getting up anymore.

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gingerninja · 15/02/2007 09:21

I don't want to join in any fisty cuffs here but I interpreted it in the same way MP did. Sorry Plipps. Sometimes expression doesn't come accross in the way we had intended in words.

gingerninja · 15/02/2007 09:24

Meant to say Detentiondrrrl, I wish you luck. I'm a wimp but DD is still much younger and I don't have to go back to work yet so who knows in a few months. If you think you're dealing with genuine sleep problem then go for it if it will give you the outcome you need. I'm not sure how it works when you're not sure you're dealing with a 'sleep' problem or them waking for other reasons which is why I'm reluctant to try it but it certainly seems a successful approach for many. Keep us posted

DetentionGrrrl · 15/02/2007 09:26

how are you going to do it Mitchell81?

I'm going to leave him cry for 5mins, then go in and comfort him for a couple of minutes without picking him, leave him for 10 mins, go back in etc etc.

I have some earplugs for when i am leaving the room Don't think i'll stick to it otherwise.

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bakedpotato · 15/02/2007 09:28

DG, I did cc a few weeks ago with DS, and it isn't fun, but it worked very quickly for us.
Two things though: one, if DS is used to having a bottle in the night, cut it down over the next week or so, so his appetite adjusts. Don't just cold turkey it.
Second thing: you say DP is 'sort of supportive'. That's not enough. The two of you need to be absolutely dead set on it and, as Plipp said, you have to focus on the outcome.
If either of you wobbles at 3am, and you end up dishing up a bottle and cuddles, you will be in a worse position than if you hadn't tried.
So, you have to sort of pledge that if you embark on it, you stick with it.

DetentionGrrrl · 15/02/2007 09:31

thanks bakedpotato- i don't mean DP isn't supportive, it's just i'll be the one doing the getting up i'd imagine, i will tonight anyway. he's agreed on us doing it. I've already reduced his bottle over the last couple of weeks- he's down to 8ozs water with 4 scoops powder.

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bakedpotato · 15/02/2007 09:33

I would shrink the volume he's taking in first

Have you read Ferber, he's so good and reassuring on this

DetentionGrrrl · 15/02/2007 09:34

not read Ferber, no.

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bakedpotato · 15/02/2007 09:49

can't find the book, but AFAICR Ferber says that if your child is used to milk during night wakings, it's only kind to reduce intake over a period of nights before you start cc. Shrink the bottle by an ounce or two a night. When you're down to 2 oz, you're pretty safe to start.
Otherwise, he may well be crying bcs he's hungry/thirsty.
If you do this it's possible the night wakings will stop anyway. Outside chance, but still.

Mitchell81 · 15/02/2007 09:49

DG same sort of idea leaving 5 minutes and gradually increasing the time inbetween going back. Only problem is he has most of his milk intake between 7pm and 7am (3 bottles) So maybe I need to change that first before I try this, coz he will have a bottle at 1am and then 4am. I will try the watered down bottle and try get him to have more milk during the day. maybe if he is hungry he will drink more during the day. Also has 3 meals. For this CC to work, do they need to not having any milk in the night?
Thanks for those that are being supportive.

Mitchell81 · 15/02/2007 09:51

Thanks BP will try get hold of that book. Another problem is from 1am DS won't go back to sleep in his cot, he sleeps in our bed.

DetentionGrrrl · 15/02/2007 10:12

i think for CC to work you have to not pick them up or feed them, so not what to advise you Mitchell81. How old is yours?

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SaucyMoo · 15/02/2007 10:58

My ds is also 8 months and i have tried cc for some of his day time naps and he usually drops of within 10 mins but i havent done it in the night. he wakes up several times but i only feed him once..problem is sometimes he wakes up and he just needs to pass wind which he does by me feeding him so im scared to try cc just incase he is in pain...Also last 3 nights hes woken up about 11ish and stayed awake for an hour, but i always pick him up cos he needs a burp! so i dont know when i can leave him to cry and when not to!! going crazy at the moment! but good luck to you both..i may give it a go..but no way can i leave him for 2 hours like someone else mentioned.

DetentionGrrrl · 15/02/2007 11:07

2 hours! i'm not leaving him cry without comforting him for 2hrs, that's awful

luckily DS isn't an especially windy baby, and i know he's drinking and eating enough in the day.

I'm going to give it 3 nights to make a difference, and if there's no improvement, and we've all survived, stop it.

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dcb · 15/02/2007 13:04

i've done it recently, as has shish.(7month and not settling i think t's called). worked ok for me although still have the odd "rough" night (well not rough when compared to what i was used to). i would say they have to not need milk overnight otherwise they may be genuinely hungry or even if not it will always be there at the back of your mind that they might be and when they are really going for it you will end up feeding them and be in a worse position for it. i knew dd didn't really need feeding as i'd stopped feeding her for a few weeks before we did it. i wholeheartedly agree that you and dp have to be in absolute agreement about what you will do and i think it's best done at a time where you can do it together. i couldn't have done it on my own - i'd have given in. if you both stick to some "groundrules" it's easier. and though you both feel rubbish for a few days i think it was better that way for us. we all sleep much better now and dd is far happier during the day. hth

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oliveoil · 15/02/2007 13:08

hmmmm

I did a thread a while ago about dd2 as she has always been a bad sleeper (would you cc if you thought it was wrong or something the thread was called)

but I couldn't do it, it just felt so wrong

each to their own etc but if you feel that it is wrong, then it usually is

she is now 2.6yrs and can still be a pain, but usually a day or so later, gets a cold.

there is usually a reason imo

under a year is too young tbh I think

Mumpbump · 15/02/2007 13:09

DG - there are, I suspect, different ways of doing cc. I just read Toddler Taming by somebody Green (I think) and he says to pick the baby up, cuddle it until it starts to calm down and then put back down. There is also an Aussie nurse who says that you should never leave a baby of any age to cry for more than 10 minutes uncomforted.

Plus - my own theory - they have no concept of time anyway, so if you go in every 5 minutes, as I normally do, they won't know the difference. Did 10 minute intervals the other morning - one off waking episode thankfully - and it was very, very hard. 5 minutes is easier to get through, ime...

Good luck!!!

DetentionGrrrl · 15/02/2007 13:27

Thanks mumpbump- perhaps i'll try picking him up. I'll feel more humane!

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