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I am a horrible mother

(22 Posts)
Whywhyohwhy Wed 23-Nov-16 23:47:53

I have to children aged 3.5 years and 2 years. The 2 year old has never slept more than 2 hours. EVER! I am also 20 weeks pregnant. I am at my witts end. I dont want to co sleep any more. He plays with my boobs and they hurt. He kicks my tummy. Ge has a bed. He has a nice room toys etc. Ut qomt aleep.withput me. I have just spent 3 hours trying to cio. The last hour sleeping in his bed with him. Every time i get up whens hes asleep he starts crying. I feel awful because i just shouted at him so much and he looked shocked turned over and went to sleep. I went to cry and hes just woken up again. Dh is away on business again so he cant help. Am i a horrible mother? I love them so much. We all have colds too which doesnt help. No family or friends that can help...

Whywhyohwhy Wed 23-Nov-16 23:50:38

Im now curled up in his cot with him. We are both shattered. Bed is too small. I cant get him a bigger bed as it would be too big for him. I cant keep letting him cio. He gets anxious and starts scratching then gets an eczema flare up. What will i do when the new baby comes

Whywhyohwhy Wed 23-Nov-16 23:51:19

I told him i love him and im sorry and am giving him hugs and kisses and he said ok mymmy and closed his eyes
But if i get up again it will start all over again.

HateSummer Wed 23-Nov-16 23:54:23

He's still a baby and he must know there's a new baby coming. He's probably anxious poor thing. Let him sleep with you in your bed and maybe both of you will get some rest.

HateSummer Wed 23-Nov-16 23:55:05

Put cushions between yourselves so he doesn't kick or breast fiddle.

TweeBee Wed 23-Nov-16 23:55:29

Yep I agree tbh. Just put him in with you and you'll both feel better. Hope you're ok OP.

SpeakNoWords Wed 23-Nov-16 23:57:22

I wouldn't try doing controlled crying if you've all got colds and you're on your own. Save it for when you're all well and your DH is around to help. For now I'd take him into your bed and have him in with you for now. I know you don't want to co-sleep any more but I don't think now is the right time to be trying to stop it.

TweeBee Wed 23-Nov-16 23:57:48

Oops sorry OP hadn't read that properly. I see you don't want to cosleep anymore.
Would he have a small mattress by your bed as a stepping stone to going in his own room?
One of your clothes that smells of you in with him?
Could Dad do this? He might be different then.
Hope you get some sleep flowers

TweeBee Wed 23-Nov-16 23:58:39

I mean, when DH is home maybe try then.

vichill Thu 24-Nov-16 00:01:42

is your husband away often? when he is around instruct him to do the bedtime and night stuff for the 2yo. ime that was the only way the dependancy on me for sleep could be broken. i was you 18 months ago but things did work out in the end. dd1 is in her own bed sleeping 12 hours a night (was waking 3 times at 2) and i have a slightly smaller intruder in my bed now.

Whywhyohwhy Thu 24-Nov-16 00:02:02

Thank you everyone. I have got into bed with him and he is stil bf. But not really much if that makes sense. He just keeps playing with my nipples and if he cant touch me he sscreams. I just lost it today and had had enough. I will sleep with him in his cot for a few nights. Get him used to it. And thn see if i can gradually wean him off of me. Sorry i know its been stupid. But i havent slept more than 2 hours a night since i was pregnant woth my first. So about 4 years. I know i shouldnt complain because i am so lucky. But i do it all alone. Dh works almost 7 days a week. I help with the business but from home with the kids also and i dont have any family and all friends have their own kids. This will be the last child. I am not in the right drame of mind

SpeakNoWords Thu 24-Nov-16 00:05:22

I know your DH works a lot but he hasn't managed to give you a break in 4 years?! Not once? That's really unfair, they're his children too, he should make time to let you get some sleep.

Rainbowdash88 Thu 24-Nov-16 00:07:03

Op you're not a horrible mother, you're trying to establish a sleeping routine that will in the end benefit you all. About 6 months ago I could have wrote your post as I was having the same issue with my 2yr old. She just would not settle in her own bed and spent nearly every night co-sleeping.
I wish I could say I had a magic solution for you, but for my DD it just suddenly "clicked" for her one night after starting a reward chart and luckily it has continued, but I completely sympathise with you because at the time it just doesn't feel like they'll ever sleep on their own.

MapMyMum Thu 24-Nov-16 00:12:49

I feel for you I really do. Youre knackered and youre achey and bleugh. I think youll need to go slowly slowly getting him into his own bed. Try not to feel too bad about tonight, youve said sorry and he said ok. Maybe for tonight bring him back to your own bed so you can sleep with more space then come up with a plan for getting him in his own bed. Could you explain to him that he needs to sleep in his own bed because youre tired, and that the new baby will wake him if he stays in with you?

Whywhyohwhy Thu 24-Nov-16 00:17:57

Dh will be home but early hours about 3 am. So dont want to take to our bed. Hes not happy about another baby when i explained and kept saying no and shaking his head. Will sleepnin his cot tongight. Thanks everyone i feel better now..amd hes hugging me so i dont seem to have scared him... thank goodness

Whywhyohwhy Thu 24-Nov-16 00:18:32

Sorry for spellings. Eyes hurt xx

Whywhyohwhy Thu 24-Nov-16 09:16:36

So he slept from 1am to 4 am without me! Then i took him to sleep on the sofa bed downstairs. Then dc1 came to join us because his nose is running. But they are still asleep now

Cocolocos Thu 24-Nov-16 09:33:33

I would try to come up with a plan that you are comfortable that you can commit to following 100%, and start when you feel better from your colds. I understand how it feels to try something when you're at your wits end, but if you do that you are more likely to "give in" and take him into bed - this will make him protest longer/harder as he knows he will get to come in with you. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad about co-sleeping but if you're not happy then try to follow through 100% and start when you feel able to. Good luck cake

angryangryyoungwoman Thu 24-Nov-16 09:43:14

If it's any consolation, my dd didn't sleep for more than 1.5 hours at a time until she was 2 years 4 months. She wouldn't resettle without me, I tried everything. Suddenly, she started sleeping through. She was also breastfed like yours. Remember this is just a phase, it will end, grab naps where you can. I feel for you as I know exactly what it is like. flowers

Whywhyohwhy Thu 24-Nov-16 10:37:10

Thank you. I know dc1 was the same. He didnt sleep until 2.5 years after dc2 was born and i really dont want to do that again!

I will speak to dh see if he can think of anything as his family from abroad might come soon so i wont have anywhere to co sleep wih dc! So he needs to sleep in the cot. And no they wont help when they visit...

Whywhyohwhy Fri 25-Nov-16 18:22:01

If anyone is still following. I have managed to get dc to sleep in his own bed and he is coming into us after 3am ish. With me going to settle inbetween. Its a bit better and getting him ised to his bed.

Thanks for the support everyone

MapMyMum Fri 25-Nov-16 20:09:43

That's great! Hopefully it will gradually get better and you'll get more and more sleep

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