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Am I total failure?

(14 Posts)
NutsForWalnuts Tue 15-Nov-16 20:29:24

Long story short. I posted on FB one page of a book giving advice on how to get baby sleep all night. As I've been desperate for good advice I just wanted to put information out there for new mothers. The advice didn't involve anything radical like letting cry it all out or anything like that. I was really surprised and very much saddened by response I got. The message between lines was that I should be ashamed to want my baby to sleep at night and that instead of teaching baby to sleep at night I should be enjoying time with her. I do enjoy time with my baby but I'm totally desperate for sleep. I feel like I'm the only mother in the world lacking sleep and being tired and forgetful all the time and that I should learn from other mothers how to be happy when sleep deprived. sad

Wolfiefan Tue 15-Nov-16 20:31:08

How old is your baby? You can't rush them sleeping through but obviously want to have them more awake during the day and more sleeping at night. As for having quality time in the middle of the night when LO is awake fucking again/still? Bahaha! confused

NutsForWalnuts Tue 15-Nov-16 20:33:17

She is 4 months and 3 weeks.

peaceloveandbiscuits Tue 15-Nov-16 20:36:45

It's tough. At four months you can't really expect them to sleep through, but you are not wrong for wanting them to. Sleep training isn't recommended until after six months because before then babies still need milk in the night.
Have you got any supportive family? Is your partner taking half the night shift so you can get a break?
Sleep deprivation is the fucking pits, do whatever works to get everyone the most sleep possible flowers

NutsForWalnuts Tue 15-Nov-16 20:43:32

My hubby is does a lot to make my life easier but he cannot do the nights as he must get a proper sleep. If he'd be drowsy at work it could potentially put people's lives at risk.

ShallNotBeNamed Tue 15-Nov-16 20:46:40

You do what's right for you!! I can't cope with no sleep, and surely that's not fair to a baby!!

Magicpaintbrush Tue 15-Nov-16 20:49:29

Goodness, there is nothing wrong with wanting to get a bit of sleep, you sound exhausted. And encouraging your baby to sleep through the night certainly doesn't mean you don't want to spend time with her. I would ignore the responses you got on facebook, they sound very judgemental and unhelpful. I'm sure you cherish the time you spend with your baby, and you will probably enjoy it even more if you aren't falling asleep into your cornflakes first thing in the morning. I'm sure your baby's sleep pattern will even out over time, this phase will gradually get better. Hang on in there, and don't let others make you feel bad about something that is actually perfectly reasonable. I genuinely find their response very odd.

AlexandraEiffel Tue 15-Nov-16 21:05:10

Depends on where you posted it really. If you post unsolicited advice, surely that means other people get to post their own advice back? Unsolicited advice can often feel like you're judging other people's choices, so perhaps they feel the need to then justify those choices. Or they feel you're inviting them to engage in a discussion about approaches. If on the other hand someone asked for advice, you posted it, then others are surely at liberty to disagree and post their advice? I tend to think if you post such stuff you need to either be happy to receive advice back, or be sure of your convictions that people disagreeing doesn't bother you.

Sandsnake Tue 15-Nov-16 21:09:22

Facebook parenting groups can be really weird. People can get very entrenched in the self-defined 'values' of the group and react very negatively towards anyone who they perceive to be diverging from these. I actually think that these people can be quite insecure about their own parenting, which is why they react so strongly.

In real life there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting your four month old to sleep better, although she may be too young to expect to sleep through. I was sleep-deprived during my son's early months and I really wanted to change it! You are definitely not abnormal.

I have no real words of wisdom other than not being afraid to look into sleep training methods when you get to six months. They don't all have to be awful and I think they work better / quicker around that age than later on. And have wine from me - lack of sleep is really shit. It will get better.

FATEdestiny Tue 15-Nov-16 21:14:32

You are expecting you baby to sleep all night at 4 months and 3 weeks?


I don't mean to be flippant, but is your exoectayion genuinely that your 4-5 months old should be sleeping all night?

What needs to happen is you need to readjust your expectations.

peaceloveandbiscuits Tue 15-Nov-16 21:20:49

Your DH needs to do some nights, because you are also in charge of a life, and you need a proper sleep too.

Deadsouls Tue 15-Nov-16 21:24:57

Every baby is different and I know some babies who slept through seemingly straight away and others like my DS who took 18 months to sleep through.
Some parents use sleep schedules or training and others don't.
It is fairly normal to be exhausted, tired and feeling fed up at this stage.

Out of interest, which parenting book was it? Can we know? Was it the Ford person?

Lookinatu Tue 15-Nov-16 21:28:34

Hi op my dd is 12 weeks and sleeps through from 7-5am. My ds was the same I honestly don't know how I did it and i know i am lucky or it might be a phase but I am very much routine orientated and when it comes to bedtime and naps I keep it all the same. What is your little ones bedtime like?

NutsForWalnuts Sun 04-Dec-16 12:10:14

Thank you all for your thoughts. I really appreciate your opinions.
Things have changed since I've posted this. I had to put some effort in it of course but now my baby is sleeping a lot better, in fact some nights she may sleep all through.
That book is The baby sleep guide by Stephanie Modell.

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