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Battle of wills lost.

(10 Posts)
ImSoVeryTired Fri 04-Nov-16 00:17:23

I'm so pissed off, with 8mth old and myself. I'm sick of his constant wake ups. Sick of him only sleeping on me in the day.
I was trying to reduce his breastfeeding at night as I know he doesn't need it, he's only doing it for comfort but won't take a dummy. I've tried jiggling him back to sleep for a fucking hour but every time he seemed close to a deep sleep he woke up again. So he's now on the boob and I'm resenting it and feel like crying. Add to this the fact he's already woken up 5 times before 11, since I first put him down and I'm expecting him to wake 1 1/2 hourly for the rest of the night.
I can't do controlled crying as OH doesn't want to. He would come and pick him up if he cried. I tried pupd at nap time but he didn't stop crying when I picked him up. I tried to do it anyway but OH couldn't take him crying and came in and gave him a cuddle.
What the fuck am I supposed to do to make him sleep (well, stay asleep he goes off fairly easily with a boob in his mouth). I start back at work soon (weekends) so won't be able to catch up on sleep in the mornings, while OH has baby, like I have been doing.
Slightly less frustrated now I've vented here and he's gone to sleep but still pissed off. I never used to swear much, I swear more since I had him than before! Love him to bits and he's pretty good in the day. He's just driving me nuts.

rebeccaroskellthomas Fri 04-Nov-16 12:25:34

Urghhhh totally feel your pain. Doesn't it make it feel like you wish you never breastfed? It does to me anyway sometimes! Will DS go to sleep with a cuddle from your OH? If he will maybe get him to go in and give a cuddle instead of boob and DS might get the picture that he's not getting booby?

ImSoVeryTired Fri 04-Nov-16 14:33:29

Thanks Rebecca. I think my OH is going to try doing bedtime till 11 or 12. In the hope that I can get a few hours sleep. We tried it a month ago but the boy wouldn't settle for him then and I ended up taking over and feeding. I think we are going to have to try and be firmer with it. My OH is a softy.
Baby is mixed fed so he has bottles in the day too. Think I've cracked (touch wood) his daytime naps but the middle of the night will be harder. smile
We will get there eventually I hope and maybe he will wake less (seems to be an average of 7-8 times atm) if he isn't getting boob.

ImSoVeryTired Fri 04-Nov-16 14:36:13

Oh and I really appreciate the reply. Just knowing someone read it and understands helps enormously. smile

andonwego Fri 04-Nov-16 17:56:05

Have you tried co-sleeping? I know it's not for everyone, but we're in the same situation (with a baby the same age) and it does help. I wake up when she wants feeding, latch her on, and fall straight back to sleep again. I've no idea if she feeds for 10 minutes or for two hours. I do wake up multiple times in the night, but in a dozy way, and I fall asleep again very quickly.

I also go to bed with her - so at about 8 o'clock. Unsociable, but it will all change in a few months.

Having been through all this with DS, I'm a lot more patient this time - although it feels endless, it really does end, and it seems like their babyhood goes by in a flash.

ImSoVeryTired Fri 04-Nov-16 19:53:28

I go to bed at the same time he does, sleep in his room and he sleeps on me from 4ish to 5-7. I can't co-sleep as the single bed is too small and my other half moves a lot and sleeps too deeply to have him in with both of us. Baby and I would both wake more co-sleeping all night. When he sleeps on me he twitches a lot, so I sleep badly but at least he sleeps for a few hours longer, than if I try to get him back in the cot.
Thanks for your advice though andonwego, it is appreciated.

43percentburnt Fri 04-Nov-16 20:07:41

One of my twins, same age, is very similar. I do co sleep and one feeds all night in bed with us the other is moved in and out of bed but can make 4/5 hours. We don't use any formula.

I have resigned myself to it, I can't see imminent change. I don't think twin 1 is ready to be alone yet, so I see it as a developmental milestone. Having twins makes it obvious that despite your 'routine', personality makes a huge difference.

Why not put dp in the single bed, you and DS take the double? DS would flail his arms and wake up so we used to keep his arms inside his sleeping bag. Also try playing the same music/lullaby every time you feed at night this helped our DS transition to a bed and sleeping alone.

43percentburnt Fri 04-Nov-16 20:12:29

Oh and enjoy him napping on you, smell his little head and read a lovely big novel. A proper thermos keeps tea warm for 24 hours - a good investment! I am re reading ' the Crimson petal and the white' it's very long and very enjoyable.

Bubbinsmakesthree Fri 04-Nov-16 23:52:27

No real specific advice as my DS was very similar and we largely just rode it out (despite being very frustrated with it all and some failed attempts at controlled crying).

He gradually improved in his own time and by about 12-13 months he'd made a lot of progress. He's now a very good sleeper aged 2 and we now have substantially fewer issues with disrupted nights and early waking than friends with DCs the same age who had 'cracked' night weaning and sleeping through much earlier than we did.

So I'm just saying there is hope - I had resigned myself to having a bad sleeper but it was just a case of waiting until he was ready and it fell into place.

ImSoVeryTired Sat 05-Nov-16 00:22:33

Thanks 43percent and Bubbins. I wouldn't worry as much about the whole sleep thing except for going back to work. If I could afford to stay off another 3 months, I would. I know I'm going to be shattered.
I've got through so many free books on my kindle app since he started sleeping this badly. smile
Bubbins, thanks, that gives me some hope. I pray he's like your LO.

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