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Advice needed re own room/sleep training

(9 Posts)
QueenRefusenik Wed 19-Oct-16 13:12:29

Long time lurker, first time poster here - I desperately need some advice from you wise MNers on helping my 9.5month old DS sleep! At the moment he wakes up anything up to 5 or 6 times between midnight and 6am and I'm on my knees. The one saving grace is that he falls asleep again quite quickly if fed (BF) and allowed to fall asleep in our bed before being transferred back to his cot but quite possibly I'm making a rod for my own back here! I'd strongly prefer to avoid co-sleeping as although he does OK on it, I end up lying awake listening to he and DP snore in perfect harmony...

We tried the 'no cry sleep solution' when he was 6 months and it was a total disaster and made things much worse. Once we dropped that he actually improved to the point where he was only waking once or twice between 12pm and 6am but now things have slid again (the dreaded 9 month sleep regression?) and we're facing up to the awful possibility of trying gentle sleep training again. We've been putting it off until his own room was ready - lots of friends have told us how much it helped -but now we're all ready to move him and I'm not sure how to tackle things. My questions are:

1. Should we move him and leave any attempt at sleep training for a little while till he's settled in the new room, or go all 'new room, new rules' on him?

2. Obviously I'm hoping he'll suddenly start magically sleeping through the night, but in the off-chance he doesn't (ha ha!) how should I feed him? At the moment he's fed lying down in our bed, should I spread out a duvet on the floor and replicate that or make things a little less cosy with a chair or beanbag?

3. Finally, if we do push ahead with sleep training (I'm thinking PUPD or a variant thereof, NOT CC or CIO, both of us are far too wussy for that!), do we do it for every waking? I feel he's a bit young to night wean, I just want fewer wake-ups! If we PUPD when he wakes soon after a feed but feed him after longer intervals, will that just confuse him with the inconsistency?

Thanks for any advice - sorry for the long rambling post!

2014newme Wed 19-Oct-16 13:17:19

New room new rules surely could not apply to a 9 month old? How would they understand rules?
Yes I would nightwean. But not assume time as room move. He doesn't physically need 6 x bf between midnight and 6am, it's a habit

Luckystar1 Wed 19-Oct-16 13:22:33

I know lots of people advocate PUPD, but I absolutely hated it. It pissed off DS even more. We used shush pat, which worked well. As you could keep baby in situ, I think the constantly being moved is very unsettling.

I also agree with the feeding 'habit', that's probably the first thing to get over.

How are day time naps?

QueenRefusenik Wed 19-Oct-16 13:32:37

2014newme, that concerned me too! It is definitely a habit so I'm guessing although being in his new room could improve things it won't solve everything.

Luckystar1, it's interesting to hear you opinion on PUPD - we've tried it literally 2x before and both times he's only really gone to sleep after exhuatsing himself yelling for 90minutes almost solid. It's just that so many people recommended it! Shush pat could be worth a try, or I could try the dreaded Pantley pull-off again now he's a little older? Naps are shall we say mixed - he usually has a decent mid-morning one 11.30-1ish, then a shorter one around 4pm which I worry is too short and too close to bedtime at 7pm (I wake him at 5pm for tea if he's still asleep then), but he won't go down any earlier! I should add, naps also happen in our bed with me next to him lurking on mumsnet after feeding him to sleep. This was the only way of getting him more than 20minutes at a time a few months back and getting him to sleep in a cot without the boob is next on the hitlist. Should I tackle this first, before night-time sleep maybe?

Luckystar1 Wed 19-Oct-16 13:38:23

Hmm, I might be wrong, but I'd try naps first. You'll have more patience/time during the day. The goal being to get him to sleep beyond one sleep cycle in the cot. I'd try white noise/womb noise, and patting. It may be that you have to go in just before he wakes (if he can only do 1 sleep cycle alone) to pat him etc to get him back over for the next one.

It's bloody hard work, but you will get there. I know we're meant to be all 'gentle' and 'attachment' which I try to do, but I parent much better when I'm not exhausted!

QueenRefusenik Wed 19-Oct-16 13:43:27

Luckystar1, I'll give it a go! He did nap fine for DP when I had to be away for the day last week, so he can do it... Maybe i'll sod off out for coffee and leave them to it every day until it's a habit!

Honestly, I love him dearly but it's so bloody hard isn't it? How difficult is sleep?! Lucky he's so damn adorable the rest of the time...!

Luckystar1 Wed 19-Oct-16 13:54:26

You can do it. What did DP do? I find that often the father's ability to be not quite as responsive as is mothers works very well wink

QueenRefusenik Wed 19-Oct-16 14:07:54

You are not going to believe this but DP has some amazing voodoo trick involving - no really! - post-it notes. DS loves to ruffle them, it calms him down and eventually if no boobs are on offer (and i agree DP is a lot less responsive on top!) DS just drifts off. Needless to say, although he'll happily rip a pad of post-its to shreds when I'm there the magic just doesn't work for me! I've just got one of those star projector thingies in the hope that will have a similar calming effect for me, so fingers crossed!

Right, time to move the cot... The plan is, shift to a new cot nap regime with DP doing the honours whenever possible, and let him settle down in the new room with no sleep training at nigjt for a while, see how it all goes. TBH even just going back to 2 wake-ups 12-6am would be fine at this point. How my standards have fallen! Thanks!

Luckystar1 Wed 19-Oct-16 16:39:48

The move to the 'big' room may be a little unsettling so don't despair if that happens.

We have a star projector thingy, works a treat. Is it a slumber buddy? If so, put it on continuous red stars.

Good luck. It will come together!!

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