Controlled crying...what was the longest your LO screamed the place down?

[Tinks15]

1.5 here...she just dont give up!

[TeaBelle]

One and a half hours?

[FATEdestiny]

Your baby was crying from 10.15am to past 11.45?

How old is your little one?

[Whatabloodyidiot1]

That's not controlled crying, it's cry it out, completely different thing, totally cruel and unnecessary.

[WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup]

Sorry you let your baby cry for an hour and a half?

[angryangryyoungwoman]

How old is your baby?

[PotteringAlong]

I agree, an hour and a half is not controlled crying, it's verging on neglectful.

[smarterthanhim]

Don't intentionally leave a baby to cry. Fair enough, give it 5 mins if you have to, but it's not healthy or normal.

[gunting]

1.5 what?

[DorotheaHomeAlone]

It took us three nights to crack it. The longest she went was 40m with me going in and settling her every 5-6 minutes. She'd then start up again as I left. That was the first night, second night same but only 20m and only a couple of times in the night. Third night she grizzled but never cried and didn't wake until morning. I'm assuming you were in and out during that 1.5h? If so that sounds fine. If you just left her then I agree with the pps. That's not good.

[Tinks15]

No i didnt leave her to cry for an hour & half continously i was going in every 5 minutes to her, laying her back down saying sleepy time, ssssh then when i walked out she got back up & started crying again. Its not like i'm totally ignoring her. Believe me i couldnt do that! She is 15 months i am trying to encourage self settling. I didnt want to do this believe me but she is getting worse with her napping/sleeping so i have to try something. If there is another successful way then please let me know.

[Tinks15]

Thanks for helpful post doro

[Meadows76]

There Is another way. It's called a cuddle.

[BabyGanoush]

Is this nap time or bed time?

[QuilliamCakespeare]

OP I'd recommend you read up on CIO/CC and the studies involving cortisol (stress hormone). They appear to show that you're teaching your baby that no one comes when they're upset and to mute their natural response (I.e) crying whilst still remaining stressed. My DS was rocked, cuddled and sung to sleep for bloody ages but now completely self settles. They get it in their own time like any other aspect of development.

[smarterthanhim]

Yeah, she's crying because she needs you. Just cuddle her. I destroyed my first one's mental health by leaving him to cry. Didn't make the same mistake twice. Seriously, leaving her to gobto the toilet or answer the door is fine, but deliberately and regularly leaving her distressed is really bad for her.

[BabyGanoush]

Really? Destroyed her mental health? How awful, really?

I left mine to cry for a bit (30 mins ) if it was half hearted "fake" crying/whining, which would often slowly stop.

But real screaming/crying I'd go in.

[FATEdestiny]

She is 15 months

Could be an issue with her nap routine. When does she sleep? Was the screaming this morning?

[cathaka15]

I followed the Ferber method( progressive waiting /checks / controlled crying )
I have 4 dc all well balanced and happy might I add.
Op hour and half is long. But well done for getting through it. I know how difficult it can be.
This method is usually when all else fails and the dc and you need to have some routine and sleep.
Good luck.

[FATEdestiny]

Quilliam - have you read up on the cortisol studies with babies? Or are you just paraphrasing stuff you've read written by others on the subject?

The actual studies you refer to relate to the children in orphanages in eastern Europe and the lack if comfort was in a completely different level to that of a loving family home trying to help baby sleep.

It's actually quite obscene to compare the two. It utterly disregards the true level of neglect the children in the study suffered.

All that said I am most definately not a fan of COO of CC and would not advokste either. But I also wouldn't perpetuate judgemental out of context psudoscience babble.

[QuilliamCakespeare]

Yes I have thanks. Admittedly it was an article about them rather than the original stuff itself but it was a reputable enough source.

[pizzapop]

An hour and a half is ridiculous.

[FATEdestiny]

QuilliamCakespeare - Sarah Ockwell-Smith and/or Elisabeth Pantly? Both have paraphrased the reaseach out of context as a means to sell their own books on baby sleep.

This does not make it any less psudoscience babble.

The annoying thing I find with this us that there are many reasonable arguments to use gentler sleeping methods than CIO/CC. But instead people (not just you Quilliam, lots do it) trot out this unhelpful and judgemental non-relivent research. It makes the discussion far too emotive to be helpful in any way.

[Thirtyrock39]

I have done controlled crying with all my 3. Usually around 9 months to 1 yr when the lack of sleep was affecting me my baby and my marriage. First night was about an hour going in every few mins to say shhh then going out second night half that time (30-40 mins£ and third night half again (15-20 mins) then it was sorted and baby would settle themselves with no crying. Lots of people don't agree with this I know but quality of life for all of us was so much better once we were all getting sleep. I think it takes longer when they're older. I have friends who disagree with this and their school age children still take hours to get to bed and sleep. Yes it seems harsh and no one enjoys having to do it but I also know how important good sleep is to a young child's health and to the parents health as well. I actually think it's unfair not to teach a child to settle themselves to sleep .

[Heloise1982]

The evidence for controlled crying being harmful is very dodgy (in the 'gradual extinction' sense - I don't think any sane parent actually leaves their child to cry alone for 1.5 hours!). A lot of recent studies have suggested it makes no difference to babies' long term stress levels and is very likely to improve sleep. And of course good sleep in itself is incredibly important. Children particularly need it for healthy growth, emotional stability, intellectual development, strong immune systems and more besides. And it is absolutely fundamental to adults' health too. If parents are willing and able to sacrifice it that's fine, but the desire for a good night's sleep shouldn't be seen as self indulgent on the part of parents; it's crucial to physical and mental health, and children need their parents to be healthy.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving your child a cuddle to get back to sleep if that is what you judge best. There are also other methods of 'sleep training' which can be used too, although they do tend to take longer. But done properly there is no convincing evidence that controlled crying does any harm, and there is plenty of evidence of how important good sleep is. Like so much in life it's a cost / benefit analysis, and if the cost is the child crying, the benefit is glorious sleep, which is as good (better, even), for the child as it is for the parent.

Personal taste, personal choice. And absolutely no reason to feel bad about your particular choice OP!

[timelytess]

I didn't leave my baby to cry at all. I would have felt cruel and she would have felt it was cruel, too. When she grew up, she had her own baby, and that baby wasn't left to cry either.

Giving it a name ('controlled crying' in this case) doesn't make it right. Meet the needs of your baby, don't teach your child that people don't care.