3 month old won't settle

[Fleura]

Hoping someone can offer some advice as I'm really starting to struggle.

This is our second DS - our first was a nightmare sleeper, always fought his naps, slept through a handful of times and only got better when we relented at 11 months, got a sleep trainer in and set a routine and let him cry it out. He then started sleeping through 12hrs every night and napping reliably.

Our second is 12 weeks and seems to be worse. He will only now settle on me, either in the sling or my arms, and won't be put down. I'm trying to anticipate when he's tired but seem to miss it the majority of the time at which point it can take a good hour to get him off. Needless to say my back and arms are absolutely killing me. He won't really sleep in the pram or car seat - if he does he wakes up pretty quickly if we stop moving. I was hoping to start getting him to self settle which, to be fair to him, he has done a handful of times quite peacefully. However, most of the time culminates in me slumping down on the sofa in agony and letting him scream on me until he conks out from exhaustion.

So, my question really is I am expecting too much? His awake time, or at least the point at which I think he now needs to start being wound down for a nap/bedtime has gone down to 35mins which seems very low. I'm trying to give him as much opportunity as possible to nap during the day but I seem to spend all my time walking and rocking him. Thankfully I have a nanny - for the time being - who helps with my first but it's not going to be long before I'm alone with both of them. I just had to do bedtime on my own with them and needless to say, the baby screamed the whole way through and is now back feeding in desperation nearly 2hrs later.

Any ideas? Thanks in advance

[zombiemum123]

Sound like over tiredness maybe? Can be tricky picking up the cues.. the baby whisper book really helped me and in my case it got a worse before it got better but I can now say I understand every little cry and whimper and what he's telling me.. I'm not keen on letting them cry it out tbh but I definitely understand why desperate parents do it, also have you thought about reflux, sounds like a combination of a few things.. you'll get there x

[zombiemum123]

Also write things down! Naps bottles .. thus helps sooo much

[Fleura]

Thanks, have been trying to monitor over tiredness so that has helped slightly! He is still only really napping consistently in the sling during the day although I am trying to get a few in the pram too....he tends to stay asleep if we stop moving after an hour so that gives me some playtime with the toddler and a chance to relax my back!

Bedtime seems to have got slightly better although the last nap is always a battle. I have to supervise the toddler's dinnertime at 6 so not much I can do but I've got the rocking down to about 20mins before he goes off and then another 10mins before he goes in the cot. Hoping to try some gentle sleep training soon so that he can go down reliably and be left when I have to do bedtime for both on my own!