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Every night feels likes a lifetime

(342 Posts)
ThursdayLastWeek Sun 25-Sep-16 04:09:21

DS is nearly 7mo and his lack of sleep is getting me down.

I feel like I have troubleshot everything, but nothing works.

Dummy worked for a while - no longer.
In cot/co sleeps - still wakes frequently.
BF or FF - wakes frequently.
In the last week I started to put him down on his front which worked for two nights (well he still woke twice for feeds, but that's good for him) but now that's stopped working too.

I'm really at the end of my tether. He's currently rolling around my bed, chewing the dummy and squealing. And I keep thinking 'I hate him' - and then of course I hate myself sad

I know people will say it will get better he won't be like this forever, but every single night feels like a lifetime right now. And I can't cope.

LifeBeginsNow Sun 25-Sep-16 04:14:03

There's a company called sanity nanny (not sure if they're national or you'll have something similar by you). They basically come in, watch what you do and then go away and write up an alternative. This includes the type of foods you feed during the day, naps and wind down time.

It might be worth the money and could solve the problem quickly. I know someone who used them and after a couple of days they had success and never looked back!

MyBalletShoes Sun 25-Sep-16 04:14:38

It doesn't matter how many people say it won't last, you just can't see it when you're in the middle of it. Sleep deprivation is the worst. Do you have any help? A DP who can let you get some rest?

ThursdayLastWeek Sun 25-Sep-16 04:24:24

Oh thank you both for replying - it's good to see some sensible words. I'm letting myself get a bit worked up here.

I do have a DH, and since DS turned 6mo or so we've been doing alternate nights so I have been getting more rest recently - he's out tonight which is probably why I'm going bonkers, he usually talks me down.

I expect we're doing everything wrong. We got it right with DS1 (or did we?perhaps he is just a better sleeper?) but I'm struggling to fit in a proper bedtime routine for DS2.

I'm just so over getting my hopes up to have them come crashing down sad

Packergator Sun 25-Sep-16 04:47:52

I know you said you tried the dummy, but often they lose them in the night and can't find them again because they're small; we bought a Sleepytot dummy holder and it made SUCH a big difference! It's something larger for them to grab and you can attach up to 4 dummies to it. As soon as we started using it DS started sleeping through the night. It's helped him to learn to self-settle. I'll hear him stir in the night and watch him on the monitor rummage around, grab 'dummy bunny' and shove his dummy back in and go back to sleep. It might not be a miracle solution but if you're desperate it's something to try?

ThursdayLastWeek Sun 25-Sep-16 07:30:55

Thank you Packer but at this stage the dummy doesn't really seem to bring him comfort anymore so we are past that bring useful unfortunately.

What he wants to use is my nipple, but even that isn't full proof.

HonkHonkNose Sun 25-Sep-16 07:41:13

Lots of sympathy, we went through exactly the same. It was awful and if I wasn't in tears I'd be on the verge of them all the time.

I remember posting on the sleep boards as well and people said it would get better but I didn't believe it.

Anyway at about 20 months old, dd started sleeping through for some nights. We couldn't believe it.

It was her teeth giving her pain and I knew that on the nights I'd given her nurafen she slept for a few hours uninterrupted.

I'd maybe try giving some nurafen at bedtime and seeing if that works. It was the same for us though, up every hour or two wanting boob.

They use sleep deprivation as torture for a reason, it breaks you. Try the nurafen first before you think about sleep training as I think lots of babies have teething pain, just like us when we get toothache.


user1471421772 Sun 25-Sep-16 07:43:59

Oh I feel for you Thursday. My 5 month old is getting me down with his sleep - for 6 weeks he slept 7-5:30 straight through, only ever had 3x30 min naps, but never cared as he slept so well at night...
The last 3-4 weeks have been a nightmare - up 2/3 times a night and still short naps. Although 2/3 get ups sounds great - what that looks like in reality is this (last night for eg):
7pm bed
10-11 awake
2-4:30 awake
Up at 5:15
So although only 2 wake ups, he was up for over 3 hours in the night. I'm exhausted and he's now refusing to nap even though he needs it (and quite frankly needed one since half 5!)
I really hope it ends soon. I'm back to work in 2 months in a stressful job - this would kill me.

ThursdayLastWeek Sun 25-Sep-16 07:47:19

Thanks Honk he is for sure at the the dribbling toothy stage so that make sense - I just worry I'd end up giving him calpol all night every night grin doesn't account for the last 6months wink

I fed him to sleep downstairs after writing my OP last night, and was able to put him in his cot until my WRETCHED 3YO started shouting that his thumb was getting small (???????) at 6.30am.

StarSpotter Sun 25-Sep-16 07:47:38

I second pp who said teething can be a frequent waking issue. My baby will want to be permanently latched on when teething and wakes very frequently. But, as you said sometimes the latching on doesn't even work. Think the sucking must relieve the discomfort but then they get frustrated when they can't catch sleep. Have you ruled out temperature of room/them and light? Here, we've had better sleep when I switched off the night light I was keeping on so I could see properly for feeding. And, I've realised my first child was a very hot baby and still is but second feels the cold and needs togging up! Co-sleeping here too. So tough. Sending lots of hope for decent sleep.

ThursdayLastWeek Sun 25-Sep-16 07:50:44

X-post there User that sounds rotten you poor thing. By god I'm glad I'm a SAHM on mornings like these because if I had to function in the real world I'd crumble I think.

As usual I'm regaining my equilibrium with daylight and's that middle of the the night despair that things will never change that gets me...

ThursdayLastWeek Sun 25-Sep-16 07:52:25

Funny you should say that star I turned his heater on last night!

StarSpotter Sun 25-Sep-16 07:58:01

Yes, the middle of the night hell. I wake up then an worrying about it, but it all feels less desperate once you get up and are in the world. Console yourself with the fact that there's others doing the same in the wee hours. It won't last forever. So I keep telling myself.....

HonkHonkNose Sun 25-Sep-16 07:59:37

OMG grin at what your 3 year old said! My dd is 2.2 now, they're so funny when they're talking! However not when you've just got the other one to sleep angry

Try nurafen instead of calpol, the calpol didn't touch it for my dd.

Just hang in there you're doing great. And remember the famous mn saying 'it'll pass' smile

I always used to joke about waking dd up when she's a lazy teenager and getting my own back on her. Made me feel better at the time!

ocelot41 Sun 25-Sep-16 08:00:05

Just sending you flowers. Sleep deprivation is appalling. I remember how desperate I felt and it was 7 years ago now. Hold on sister, hold on. Find RL support. Health Visitors if you have a good one, family, friends. Babyhood can be a long relentless trudge

thenewaveragebear1983 Sun 25-Sep-16 08:02:13

What is your daytime routine like op? It sounds strange but with my 2 who have both been pretty poor sleepers/ frequent wakers/ early risers, getting the daytime routine cracked has helped massively. My current baby ds is 11 months, but he will sleep much more soundly if he has had a decent sleep at lunchtime, he then eats better, is less likely to nap too late (was having a 5pm sleep for a while!) and then is ready at 7.30 for the night. Don't get me wrong, he still wakes and sometimes is awake for an hour or so in the night, but on the whole he seems more settled when he has a firm daytime routine. You might find that a 6mo needs a short nap and a longer sleep and will still be tired at bedtime, but that could take a bit of adjustment to achieve. Maybe 'quiet time' such as a walk at the same time each day. I will add as well, if your baby has a clear routine, you get the much needed time to just sit, have a coffee, take a few minutes breather, which will benefit you too.
flowersop, it can be a miserable desperate time can't it
And everyone knows some smug fucker whose baby sleeps through from 4 weeks when they do nothing different to you

ThursdayLastWeek Sun 25-Sep-16 08:15:31

You're all so kind, thank you for your support!

Our daytime routine is actually alright averagebear - he has two pretty decent naps (they vary but are rarely less than an hour now) and is awake 2.5/3 hours in between times. He also seems to be enjoying weaning. The front sleep experiment has at least made nap times even easier than they were - both DH &I can settle him in under 10mins with a bit of shush patting which I find acceptable.

For two nights that worked over night too - the first night we tried he slept SIX HOURS shock but it seems to have worn off already.

It's just so bloody frustrating isn't it?

ThursdayLastWeek Sun 25-Sep-16 08:16:25

And the most annoying thing is that DS1 slept through from 10 fucking weeks!
This is karma at its most vindictive grin

ThursdayLastWeek Sun 25-Sep-16 20:17:32

Well after taking on board all your advice DS went to bed at 6.30pm (earlier than I'd hoped thanks to an unexpectedly short afternoon nap).

I gave him ibuprofen, he's got his heater on, he had some quiet time and stories before I put him down...and so far he's woken up twice already.


StarSpotter Sun 25-Sep-16 21:33:56

I've got the same here - awake twice since 7.30pm. I've given up and got in bed!

HonkHonkNose Sun 25-Sep-16 22:25:39

Oh no I'm sorry sad it's really shit isn't it when you do everything you can think of and they still wake up.

I used to co-sleep with dd and at one point had to go up to bed with her at 7pm and stay there all bloody night or she'd cry. I was like 'fucks sake life's gonna be like this forever'.

flowers and lots of brew for tomorrow, I know how hard it is.

ThursdayLastWeek Mon 26-Sep-16 20:02:50

I just wanted to thank you all again for your sane kind words.
In the end DS had a bottle at 8.30pm, midnight and a BF at 4am - which sounds like a lot but there was just pure sleeping in between which makes all the difference! (Also DH did the midnight one hurrah!)

Fingers crossed for all the shitty sleepers tonight!

StarSpotter Mon 26-Sep-16 21:05:24

Does anyone else feel totally trapped by it? A slave to the frequent wakings? It is definitely making me want to wind down the b/f...

thenewaveragebear1983 Mon 26-Sep-16 21:11:48

God yes, you flit between absolute desperation and relative calm don't you?
Ds woke at 12 last night, I hadn't even gone to sleep (I am a terrible insomniac which doesn't help) so I gave him milk, gripe water and teething gel and he then slept on his own cot until 4.30, came in for a cuddle and was awake so I brought him down at 5. He then fell back to sleep at 7 but my other 2 were up for school, so I've basically been up since 4.30. I find it makes me heavily reliant on coffee and carbs to get through the days, so I can feel myself getting fat and stressed and it dramatically affects my mood at times. It can be a very lonely time unless you have good support (and even if you do have) .

ThursdayLastWeek Mon 26-Sep-16 21:28:04

Yes yes & yes to both your posts.
My DH works from home and we're v much a team...and yet I still get lonely and feel trapped sometimes. Having small babies has twice rocked my mental health now.

I had a Perspex name necklace made recently - 'coffee&calpol'. I should have added carbs.

I wonder about giving up BFing sometimes too, but we do give formula and DS still wakes up so I'm not convinced it would make any sleep difference here - and the bottles are such a faff. There's an irrational part of me that would feel guilty for not BFing as long as I did with his brother.

Please keep posting through the bad times - maybe we can all support each other on this thread?

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