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newborn and toddler

(13 Posts)
lovelilies Thu 30-Jun-16 21:02:35

Those of you with a toddler and newborn... How do you manage?! dS is 2.5.
Bed time is the hardest. I bed share with DS and now the baby too but DS is being f a royal PITA. Won't let his dad put him to bed, wails and cries for mummy.
But newborn DD wants feeding all the time so DP can't take her while I put DS to sleep.. And if I have baby with me, DS gaffs about stroking her, kissing her, general messing about and won't bloody sleep.
I generally do the whole 'gentle/ attachment ' parenting thing, but am tempted to shove him in his own bed and leave him to CIO (I won't- I just feel like it!)
Any tips? Before I lose my shit with him. Oh, and all this adds to the mum guilt so I'm feeling pretty crap right now. 

brimfullofasha Thu 30-Jun-16 21:13:51

I feel for you. DS was similar when his brother came along. It's a bit different because we don't bed share but we do try and be 'gentle' with him.

In the end we felt we had no choice and although he was not at all happy with Daddy putting him to bed we persevered through the crying and screaming and he has eventually accepted it. He calls out for Daddy in the night now when he wakes. Someone I trusted said to me it is very different leaving a child crying with a parent or adult who is responsive and cares for him than leaving him on his own to cry it out.

Icecappedpinetrees Thu 30-Jun-16 21:20:23

Word for word - I could have written your post. DS is two and five months. Other DS is seven weeks. DS was being a nightmare after bath, charging around, roaring with laughter, kicking the laundry. I warned him and warned him and was patient then I lost my shit. Picked him up and dumped him naked in bed. He, of course, cried and cried and desperately wanted me to put him to bed but I'm just so tired of doing it. I'm with him all day and I love him so so dearly but he's such hard work! Meanwhile ds2 wants to cluster feed. The guilt is awful, for both my little boys. No advice, just a comrade smile

lovelilies Thu 30-Jun-16 21:27:38

Thank you for the solidarity!
Helps even just to know you're not alone... He dropped off to sleep eventually.

lovelilies Thu 30-Jun-16 22:46:02


AbbeyRoadCrossing Thu 30-Jun-16 22:50:24

It is really difficult OP you have my sympathies. I have 2 under 2 and the first few newborn months were so hard.
It's difficult emotionally for the older child and confusing depending on how much they understand.
It took us a while but eventually it all comes together. Saying that I still dread doing bedtime solo though!

Trinpy Thu 30-Jun-16 23:10:42

That photo is so sweet smile.

I have a 2 year age gap. We didn't co sleep when ds2 came along because dh used to sleep in ds1's room with him , but ds1 needed someone in the room with him to fall asleep and dh wasn't home from work in time to help out. Ds2 was very screamy in the evenings so the whole thing was a nightmare! I ended up doing the gradual retreat thing of sitting on a chair at the end of his bed for a few bedtimes, then by the door, then just outside the door, then finally I got to the point where I could go straight to my room and mn feed the baby in peace. It took about a month to get from sitting by his bed every bedtime to being able to turn off the light and walk straight out of his room, and he didn't cry once during the whole process. If you did want to try him in his own room it doesn't have to be horribly traumatic!

Icecappedpinetrees Fri 01-Jul-16 02:39:05

We even have those bed covers!!! Lovely photo. When you see them like that it melts your heart, they're only tiny and so very precious. But by bedtime I'm so exhausted and so are they which makes for stormy weather. Never mind - another chance with both tomorrow. DS will be through at 6am and the wee one's just enjoying some milk and cuddles. I think we are doing fine OP.

I try to feed the baby into a milk stupor as toddler plays making cappuccinos with his tea set gets washed in the bath so DH can rock him happily for ten minutes while I do bedtime routine after bath with the elder but eventually he will have to let his dad put him to bed.

Hey ho, Friday tomorrow....

DorotheaHomeAlone Fri 01-Jul-16 03:12:22

We don't co sleep but I'm also balancing a 2 month old and a toddler (not yet 2). She really wants me to do bedtime, more so since he was born and he cluster feeds/is colicky in the evenings. I feed him up and hand him over to DH before bath time. If he really cries DH takes him out walking in his sling. It's just not practical for me to do both at bed time.

GothicRainbow Tue 05-Jul-16 09:02:52

My not so newborn anymore DS2 is 3.5 months and my 3 year old DS1 has finally excepted Daddy putting him to bed. My DH was working late last night and my mum was luckily on hand to help and DS1 let her do bedtime was brill!

Eventually when DS1 decides he doesn't want his evening bottle anymore I'm going to attempt doing bedtime on my own so my DH doesn't have to be crazy rushed getting home.

lovelilies Tue 05-Jul-16 22:51:20

We've found a way! For now anyway
I just take them both up together and BF baby while reading to DS then lie down in the bed, still BF and an hour later DS falls asleep.
I get to lie down and rest and everyone 's happy!
Will see how long it lasts...
Here's a pic from tonight grin

BumWad Tue 05-Jul-16 23:42:37

Your babies are just absolutely gorgeous I can't stop looking at the pics blush

lovelilies Wed 06-Jul-16 05:36:20

Thank you Bum, I think so too grinblush

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