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I'm ready to throw myself out of the window, please help!

(5 Posts)
MrMenAndLittleMiss Sun 26-Jun-16 13:08:39

Dd2 is 21 weeks old and her night time sleep is terrible. Bedtime is a dream: boob, dummy, into cot wide awake, asleep. Then the fun starts.
Sometimes she will manage a couple of hours or more without waking again, sometimes not. However, from 11pm onwards she is consistently waking every 45-90 minutes; with these times getting closer together from 3/4am. Then she is up for the day at around 6am, sometimes earlier.
I usually feed her at around 11pm and then at least once again between 2 and 4am.
I'm pretty sure it's not hunger waking her as she will happily fall back to sleep if we replace her dummy. She's also not too fussed about her morning feed any more.
The problem is I think she has become reliant on the dummy for getting to sleep and can't get through a sleep cycle without it.

I have been quite optimistic until now, assuming that Wonder Weeks would be right and it would all magically improve at around 19 weeks. Well, it hasn't and I am officially at the end of my rope.
I had very bad insomnia whilst pregnant so I haven't slept for more than a couple of hours in a row for about a year now. I am surviving on caffeine and sugar and I am cranky with everyone, including dd1 (3.7), who no longer naps so I cannot catch up on my sleep during the day. I just want to shut myself in a room and never come back out. Right now Dh is looking after both girls and I have no desire whatsoever to join them.

I think I know that the answer is to get rid dummy but I don't know how. I am not prepared to let her CIO as I feel this would be unfair on both her and Dd1. Also, we originally introduced the dummy to help her nap while we were out so i am worried about removing it. (Dd1 refused to nap while out from around 10 weeks and I almost lost my mind with cabin fever. This cannot happen again as dd1 needs a life outside of these four walls as much as I do! )

Sorry that was long. Tia for any advice.

HappyInL0nd0n Sun 26-Jun-16 14:07:54

Hmmm, well, I know it's hard, but you can use the dummy to get your baby almost asleep (v. drowsy) and then remove as you place in the cot. We do this with our little lady. At the beginning, there was a lot of picking her back up if she woke too much or yelled, but eventually, she got used to it. We still use the dummy to get her off to sleep when we're out and about. Consistency is key, so maybe try to clear a week of plans and just work on getting a proper nap routine working. Once she's ok at getting off to sleep without it, hopefully it'll be easier for her during the night. It's easier to fix that stuff during the day than working on it when you're knackered at 3am. Not easy.

Good luck.

Oooh, and maybe you could also try introducing a comforter of some sort. We don't use one, but my sister swears by it for her little one.

unbelievable1 Sun 26-Jun-16 16:10:57

Hi. I'm a lurker and I joined just to post my bit of advice! I could have written your message and in fact debated about doing it at the time.

My one at that age nearly did me in too. She was waking every hour to hour and a half. I also had the pregnancy insomnia. I broke and spent two days solid crying so something had to give.

She had a dummy. I got rid of it and it was the best thing I ever did. She was waking up for it and couldn't put it back. So I know you said in your op that you didn't want to cio but what I did was this.

I waited until Friday when my dh would be home. I went cold turkey and put her down without it. Previous attempts to put her asleep with it and pop it out at the last minute as advised by health nurse were also driving me insane. I sat beside her until she fell asleep without it. I susshed her, patted her, sang to her. At one stage she did start to cry hard and my dh came into lend a hand but when she saw him she started to laugh! So this gave me a bit of reassurance that she actually was ok and not in pain or discomfort. So after 2 hours she nodded off! The next night it took 45 mins and 3rd night I think 10. I was with her the whole time. it worked! She only woke for a feed about 2 and then that was it till morning.

Oh the relief of some sleep. I was a new woman. I still shudder at the feeling of sleep deprivation. Eventually we dropped the night feed. She was still sleeping in our room in her cot so we used to sing to her to get her back to sleep and she now sleeps through.

I had to post as I really feel for you. I felt I was a danger driving and no use. I was seriously cracking up. I know it was a version of cc/cio which I thought I wouldn't do as it was cruel but I honestly think babies need unbroken sleep too to help with their development and growth. They need to processes what they learn and rest too. It's as necessary as food as it is for you too. I can hear her laughing and giggling downstairs and hand on heart that Friday night getting rid of the dummy was the best thing I have done! I also felt that letting her cry that bit longer that night has meant she was upset far far less and cried far far less in the long run as she was no longer waking roaring crying every hour every night.

I hope it works out for you! flowers

Zaurak Sun 26-Jun-16 19:30:54

Oh you poor thing. flowers you are not alone!

Mine is waking every 20-60 mins right now and he's nearly nine months. We have tried everything - absolutely everything. We've even had the sleep specialist from the hospital out because it's so bad. Nothing has worked.

So, three things:

Firstly, it may be 'just' a phase and there may be nothing you can do about it. We tried everything we were advised and nothing worked. Do try any advice that seems sensible- it may work for you!
Secondly, try to shift your focus from making her sleep (not under your control) to survival (sort of under your control.) do whatever you can to get more sleep. Co sleep if you can. Get your partner or someone to take her out for a long walk in the day while you go to bed. My dh gets up at 5 with him and I get an hour or so sleep before he goes to work. That's often the only sleep I get and its a big help.
Thirdly, I wonder if she's teething? Ours sprouted an alarming number of teeth at six months (several at once) and his sleep worsened dramatically at that time.

In summary - it's very hard to have a non sleeper. It's may just be how they are. Treat it as a survival situation and rope in all the help you can get!

MrMenAndLittleMiss Mon 27-Jun-16 13:08:01

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

Unbelievable I managed to get her to sleep without the dummy at bedtime last night. It was surprisingly tear free too! She had quite a good night, although I did succumb and dummy her at 5am (I take the easiest route at that time in the morning!)
She's also napped today without it, but woke after half an hour and didn't look like resettling herself so I popped in the dummy (I know , I know! wink) BUT I followed your trick happy and removed it as soon as she settled. She stirred but continued to fall asleep- result!

Zaurak thank you for posting. I really hope things improve for you soon. It's a killer isn't it?

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