baby's sleeping patterns/baby sleep clinic(18 Posts)
I'm a new mum and really struggling to cope with my DD's lack of regular sleeping. I've tried everything I've found on mums net and information from a few other sites that I've googled.
I'm seriously considering a sleep expert - I notice on here that the baby sleep clinic has had mixed reviews and wondered if anyone had had more recent experience of working with them? If no one has then that's ok I'll do my own research about them - the expert's name is Chireal Shallow?
Sleep training is not recommended before six months, because your baby simply doesn't have the cognitive capacity for it to work. To be honest, I wouldn't expect reputable sleep consultants to take on such a young baby.
Unfortunately it's entirely normal with crap sleep at three months, no matter what other people tell you (some lie, others have genuinely forgot, and some babies do sleep through at six weeks). All you can do is ride it out by, whichever way you can - co-sleeping, white noise, swaddling, going to bed at eight handing the baby to your partner if you have one, anything.
I'm nine months in on bad sleeper #2 and seriously doubt there is a panacea - my personal recommendation would be Elizabeth Pantley's book 'No cry sleep solution', but then I might be the last person you should ask for advice
that's really helpful, thank you. I have seen posts on here though saying that the baby sleep clinic had taken on young babies - I've done a little more reading and Chireal Shallow uses CBT and mindfulness! I doubt that those techniques would be helpful for babies anyway.
Perhaps I'm just not coping well
I second what fate says - anyone promising you they can get a baby sleeping through at 3 months is a charlatan. There's a place for sleep consultants but not at such a young age.
We are blessed with a non sleeper and we have found that the only way we cope is by shifting the focus from 'oh my god we are terrible parents why won't he sleep?' To 'OK, he doesn't sleep, how can we work together to survive?'
So: gentle routines - keep nights quiet and dull and days bright and fun, but don't stress about rigid routines.
Bedtime routine, bath, milk, story etc but don't stress if they don't sleep after.
Coping mechanisms- you each do blocks of time to let the other sleep
We've had so many changes in sleep - they change really fast . Don't beat yourself up or compare to other babies, just work on how you can survive it!
Three months is so young and it could all change in a heartbeat. Sleep training even in older ones can be hit and miss anyeay as it generally changes every time they got a devolopment milestone. Agree with others that the best thing you can do is to understand what healthy infant sleep is nd one of the best books as well as no cry is the gentle sleep book by Sarah Ockwell Smith and just muddle through as best you csn. contrary to what we are told even by well meaning relatives and health visitors little babies are meant to wake frequently as it is protective against SIDS.
CBT for a three month old please don't waste your money!
Three months old is so so little. Your baby is still learning the difference between night and day. Far too small to try and "train".
They change so much. Mine is 4 months and at about 2 1/2 months started sleeping through for anything up to 9 hours, then just as suddenly stopped and reverted back to waking again! It lasted for a blissful 3 wks or so. I am just about to go to sleep and hope I get at least 4 hrs. He was up and down like a yoyo last night. My way of dealing is to try to get him back to sleep in his cot until about 4 or so and then we have a few hrs in bed with him napping on me! I also go to bed at around about the same time as him. If I didn't I'd never sleep as he only naps for 1/2 hr at a time in the day so no chance of catching up then.
I will worry more about how he sleeps when we get to 6mths. Till then, as pp have said, I will just muddle through and pray he sleeps as much as possible.
Good luck OP. I hope you have a supportive partner.
With the best of intentions, you need to adjust your expectations, lovely. Babies don't sleep. They have tiny little tummues that need frequent small amounts of milk. They also need to learn that mummy (and daddy) love them and can be trusted.
Spend your money on a cleaner and a load of microwave meals and have a rethink in 9 months time
YY to working as a team to get through it the best that you can, if you have a partner, if not be even more kind to yourself. You will just feel even more drained if you use precious energy trying to fix the problem. I'm assuming the CBT and mindfulness are coping strategies for the parents?!
Some good advice on here.
OP can you give a little more info? How bad is the sleep? Could you give an example of a typical day/night?
It may be that your baby's sleeping is relatively normal, especially when they are still so young.
Before I was a mum I assumed all babies fell asleep in their moses
baskets or whatever, or at least stayed asleep when you put them down. How wrong I was!
Yes to them changing!
First three days - awake all the time
First month, awake most of the time
1-2 months would nap 2-4 hours (hurrah!)
7 weeks - slept through 8 hours. Once.
8-10 weeks, slept 2-3 hours
10 weeks to 12 weeks - 5 hour stretch at the start of the night. Yay!
12 weeks. Slept nine hours. Once
13 weeks-25 weeks. Woke every hour.
6 months. Refused cot. No longer able to down sleepy but awake. Wakes every 20-50 mins.
We are now at 8 months and pretty much dying of sleep deprivation as lo hasn't slept more than an hour in months.
nothing we did/didn't do changed during that time same bedtime, same routines, nothing particularly noteworthy occurred. He just changed. They do change, overnight sometimes.
Please don't waste your money on cbt for a three month old or sleep train your baby. At three months, if they cry, they need you! Divert your energies to survival tactics.
It's a different sleeping pattern every day - once I think I'm getting my little one to a pattern, it changes. For example, I expected chaotic sleeping to begin with but then I managed to settle the pattern down. then once I get used to that it changes! That's the biggest thing that's affecting me, sometimes a few hours at night and then none at all, then two hours in the day and then none at all and my body clock never gets the chance to adjust.
You've all been really helpful by explaining how unrealistic my expectations were! I just don't want it to continue in this fashion that's all because I'm seriously not coping,
And yeah, I thought CBT for a young baby was strange as well. Just in case I do choose a sleep clinic has anyone got recommendations?
Don't! Seriously what you're describing is completely normal behaviour. Adjust your mindset so that you're grabbing sleep whenever you can - sometimes I've been so tired I've just taken ds upstairs with me, built a wall of rolled duvets around us and passed out. There's really nothing helpful a sleep clinic can do for you. Cio or cc at this age is at best pointless and at worst going to result in a very upset baby.
You can definitely work on a baby's sleep at 3m. Things like a good predictable bedtime routine, a good nap routine (so baby is not overtired) and learning the different methods with which you can settle a baby are all super helpful and will help you to be a confident night mum. There is so much more to sleep training than just crying it out and so many gentle ways in which you can help your baby to sleep.
I wholeheartedly recommend Nicola Watson of child sleep solutions. She does phone consultations. With her help you can get your routines in place before you get hit by the four month sleep regression!
thanks again everyone. Sometimes it's helpful to know that what you're experiencing is just normal!
I've done some more research into Chireal Shallow if anyone's interested? Her of baby sleep clinic and the CBT and mindfulness. I've learned two things - firstly she's not a chartered psychologist! I've looked on the British Psychological Society and she's not on there. Secondly she claims to be "governed" by the nation association of sleep specialist (or something like that), but upon further digging it turns out that she is president of the association and she set it up in the first place. So she's monitoring herself! It all seemed a bit suspect regarding CBT for sleeping. Just doesn't make any logical sense and it's obvious she's a bit of a charlatan imo
Thanks for the recommendation of Nicola Watson. I'll plough on a little more and before I get to the pulling out hair stage (mine!) I'll contact her.
thanks all, Lou
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