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Back to cosleeping at a year - how to do it

(14 Posts)
Miffyandme Thu 16-Jun-16 20:12:38

In a bit of a pickle with sleep at one year old. I'm feeling ill with tiredness, have ended up bedding down on the baby's floor next to her as if I feed her sitting up, or just give cuddles (as I was trying to night wean in a desperate measure to improve sleep) I am at risk of falling asleep.
I feel like we've gone back to square one - we coslept at the beginning with a bedside crib to shuffle her into. It worked. Then it stopped working after a few months as she became too lively and I struggled with her constant need for attachment. She has always refused a dummy despite best efforts.

Now I'm lying on a thin mattress on her floor, starving, DH not happy at all at my inability to stop BFing (more out of concern for what it's doing to me) and I am just struggling to see a way forward. She seems to be having huge separation anxiety. Not yet walking but nearly. Been in nursery a couple of months. I go back to work in a month. I won't be home till when she needs to go to sleep.

How do folk who cosleep still at this age manage the practicalities of feeding themselves, getting some house stuff and work done in the evening, and feel safe with a mobile baby? Let alone working out how to get any sort of good sleep when she wants to be attached all night.....

I'm feeling quite desperate.

Miffyandme Thu 16-Jun-16 21:06:51

The only advice I've had from people in real life is "well obviously it's time to stop breastfeeding"!

FATEdestiny Fri 17-Jun-16 10:11:21

The safest answer to co sleeping a mobile baby would be a floor bed. Do away with your bed and put your mattress directly on the floor instead. Then just embrace family sleeping all together on one big comfy mattress.

Miffyandme Fri 17-Jun-16 10:24:03

We've no room to store the divan and DH won't accept sleeping in same bed as baby - he needs to at some point as I feel this may be how I stop the constant latching on all night!- so for now I am getting a small double mattress for me to share on the floor of baby's room and am working out how to rearrange furniture!
I feel better now I've just accepted this is how it will be for a while....

FATEdestiny Fri 17-Jun-16 10:28:24

That would be my next suggest. Get yourself a good quality double mattress and some decent bedding. Not 'make do' stuff, have a longer term, good quality setup sorted in baby's room if cosleeping is the way you are going.

Beat in mind it isn't the only answer. You could instead pass responsibility to the nights to your DH. At least in the short term to night wean. Or there are other ways to go if cosleeping isn't for you.

Miffyandme Fri 17-Jun-16 10:35:09

Yes, I do need to think about night weaning. I looked back on a log (yes, what an obsessive first time mum I was!) of my eldest's sleep and actually at this age she was frequently coming into bed with me, I accepted it as the best way to get as much sleep as possible for all. She wasn't breastfed at this age though so that aspect is new. Will just see how we go cosleeping just me and her for a while, I wonder if she's less anxious about me leaving she will maybe sleep for longer (fingers crossed!!) and I'll suggest that DH may swap places with me if it comes to that to stop night feeds.
He was more successful than me at getting her back to sleep when he did takeover for a few nights - it wasn't sustainable for him though (!! - welcome to my life DH) so now I'm trying to find a solution that as you suggest is not just "make-do".
I've seen you suggest sensibly to put the cot against the parents bed Fate, but we just don't have room in our bedroom and can't move rooms as toddler is well-settled in her room.

UmbongoUnchained Fri 17-Jun-16 10:36:19

Can't you eat when she eats? I co slept till my daughter was 18 months. We ate dinner together at 6, then I'd bath her and put her pyjamas on and put her on my back in the carrier. I could get any house work done and she would usually fall asleep on my back. I'd then put her up in the middle of my bed wher she would sleep until I came up a few hours later.

Nan0second Fri 17-Jun-16 10:41:54

Jay Gordon night weaning? Doesn't mean you have to stop cosleeping but not unreasonable to want your body back for a part of the night!

Miffyandme Fri 17-Jun-16 10:48:41

I can't eat when she eats when I'm back at work very soon - basically I'll be in to help with end of bath and then bedtime! And my commute is a long drive so it's not like I can eat dinner on a train or anything.
Also I've got a two year old so it's a long time since I've had any quality me/adult time in the evening....
I'm hoping that by sleeping next to her on a comfier set-up than the last two nights - just on a very very thin and old futon mattress on the floor - I will feel a bit better rested and more "robust" to tackle night-weaning if that still seems thing to do. I've book marked the Jay Gordon night weaning to come back to when we feel ready, thanks.

UmbongoUnchained Fri 17-Jun-16 10:52:47

Does she wake up if you get up?

Miffyandme Fri 17-Jun-16 11:13:17

No, I can at times leave her in a deep sleep so if I can be sure her room is safe I could leave her. I have transferred her into the cot asleep but I worry that feels confusing for her when she wakes! So I guess that is how I will get my evenings back....

UmbongoUnchained Fri 17-Jun-16 11:14:41

Can't you just leave her on the bed with a guard up or something? If she doesn't wake up I don't really see what the problem is?

Artandco Fri 17-Jun-16 11:19:34

I night weaned by 6 months. They don't need it overnight imo. But still fed morning and evening. They co slept in our main bed in between Dh and I for years

FrameyMcFrame Fri 17-Jun-16 12:17:58

Lie with her until she's asleep then go downstairs. I've been doing this for years with various babies and children and it works ok for us. Bedtime takes an hour with story then going off to sleep. Then as they get older you can move gradually further away.., I always folded washing in the hallway outside their bedroom or did some work on the laptop in the doorway. Take it slowly as you withdraw bit by bit. Then illnesses or emotional upsets can set you back sometimes too, when they need more comfort and you end up back at square one...

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