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I thought we were done with the sleep regression...

(109 Posts)
Nousername2015 Mon 13-Jun-16 05:34:02

On my knees here. Ds is 5 months old and has never been a great sleeper but I'm running out of ideas and patience now. He cannot/will not sleep for more than 3 hours at a time. Before the 4 month sleep regression hit we could get a 4/5 hour stretch and then another 3 hours which I was more than happy with. We were at a christening yesterday with most of our nct group who were talking about the 8/9/12 (!) hour stretches they get at night which has convinced dh that there is something 'wrong' with our baby. I'm just tired, he's bf so the night wakings fall to me to deal with.

Bedtime is 7pm, room is dark, white noise is playing. Change into bed clothes then big breastfeed. Sometimes he will fall asleep when feeding and I can put him down, sometimes it's a couple of rounds of twinkle twinkle with rocking. Where I can I try to put him down slightly awake.

He has a dummy and sometimes also holds a comforter as his hands can be busy if he isn't properly asleep. He never gets into a deep enough sleep where the dummy falls out. We usually end up cosleeping from 4/5 onwards as he won't settle.

If he's been asleep less than 3 hours he usually gets rocked to sleep if he wakes, otherwise it's a feed. He's a great napper and goes down about every 90 mins in the day.

Any suggestions/advice would be very welcome. I do get annoyed and frustrated at still being up 4+ times a night and I know that dh wants to try leaving him to cry which I'm not sure about. I think we'd be handling this better if every other baby at any groups I go to wasn't some kind of magic sleeping machine! Sorry for the rant.

Casablanca78 Mon 13-Jun-16 07:12:21

Sorry nothing useful to say other than that my DS is exactly the same. He's 4 months old and also the only other non sleeper of my NCT group. I could have written your post word for word! So will follow to see if any useful advice.

We tried 6 nights of following baby whisperer method - not leaving to cry but doing pick up/put down rather than feeding. But generally he'd be crying on and off for 1.5 hours which was even more exhausting than before and we saw no improvement so I've gone back to feeding him back to sleep. Sometimes on a bad night this can be every 1-2 hours. 3+ hour stretches are a win! He's pretty good in that he feeds quickly and goes straight back down during the night but once it gets to early hours he's hard to resettle so as you do, he ends up in with me. It's exhausting I agree!

MYA2016 Mon 13-Jun-16 08:11:29

I'm the exact same and also could have written word for word! DS is now 21 weeks and went from sleeping 7/8 hour stretches to between 45 mins - 3 hours max at around 14 weeks .
I actually thought we'd come out the other side as about 10 days ago he started sleeping better, going down at 7 and waking at 1am, 4am and then 6.30.
However this has now stopped and he is back to waking hourly, sometimes taking 1-2 hours to go back down (and this is with feeding him to sleep)
it's so rubbish when everyone says it's normal... but then everyone from nct has babies sleeping through as I am also in that exact same position.
and last night at 1am DH told me "leave him to cry, this is ridiculous obviously picking him up all the time is doing nothing" but after 30 seconds I caved which then caused a row between me and him!
so I have no advice but I want you to know you're not alone!

lemonny Mon 13-Jun-16 08:47:59

There's nothing wrong with your baby, some babies are just better sleepers than others unfortunately. It won't last forever, I think he's too young for sleep training personally and it will probably just stress you out more than anything! And I definitely wouldn't leave him to cry.

Sorry I can't offer much more advice, my 7m old is still not a great sleeper so I do have sympathy, I think people prepare you for the newborn sleepless nights but don't warn you that they can go on for months! And months and months...the other mums you spoke to are just lucky imo.

CobsAhoy Mon 13-Jun-16 10:20:40

Hi OP,

My DDs sleep went to pot too at the 4month sleep regression, now at 8mo she tends to have 1/2 night feeds with a solid block of around 5/6 hours sleep from about 10.00ish. This probably sounds terrible to those people who's miricle babies have slept through from the day they were born, but like you I was someone who counted myself lucky to get a three hour stretch, so 5/6 hours feels like heaven!

Like a PP said, some babies are just better sleepers than others, but I do remember my DDs sleep was at its worst from 3.5-5.5months, things have got much better since she dropped to 2 naps and fell into a more predictable routine (234 routine), and learning to crawl as helped things too. I think your LO is too young to drop to 2 naps yet, but just wanted to give a bit of hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that it will get better flowers

Coconut0il Mon 13-Jun-16 10:42:23

There is nothing wrong with your baby. Waking every 3 hours is perfectly normal. DS2 did this until about 8 months. Then it dropped to one wake up. He's 9 months now and generally sleeps from 9 till 7ish.

I've co slept with DS2 since night 1. I did all the night feeds but if I'd had a bad night or it was catching up with me DP would take DS downstairs from 5 till 7 so I could sleep.

I do think sleeping through is developmental just like crawling or walking. Your DS will get there in his own time. Just do what you can to cope with the tiredness.

Coconut0il Mon 13-Jun-16 11:41:00

Have just found this on Kellymom...

Breastfeeding to Sleep and Other Comfort Nursing

Many mothers feel guilty for breastfeeding their baby for comfort or as they drift off to sleep.Breastfeeding your child to sleep and for comfort is not a bad thing to do– in fact, it’s normal, healthy, and developmentally appropriate. Most babies nurse to sleep and wake 1-3 times during the night for the first year or so. Some babies don’t do this, but they are the exception, not the rule. Many children, if given the choice, prefer to nurse to sleep through the second year and beyond. I’ve never seen a convincing reason why mothers shouldn’t use this wonderful tool that we’ve been given.

Nousername2015 Wed 15-Jun-16 07:39:03

And mya, sorry hit post before I'd finished!

Nousername2015 Wed 15-Jun-16 07:40:13

Aargh, totally just lost a post there. We were up every 90 mins last night, today will probably be powered by biscuits. How are you getting on casablanca?

Casablanca78 Wed 15-Jun-16 17:58:28

No improvement here. Had a particularly bad night on Monday, I think I pretty much saw every hour of the night! I was soooo tired the next day. Just one longer stretch would be amazing. I can't remember the last time I had more than 3 straight hours sleep - probably before he was born. It's getting me down a little as the 6 others in my NCT group all do 5-8 hour stretches and I really hoped we'd be seeing an improvement by now. Even 4 hours, I'm not asking for much!! How are you?

LittleElephant123 Wed 15-Jun-16 20:52:56

Can't offer any fixes but we're going through the exact same thing plus throw in our girl is refusing to take a bottle during the day. She's 22 weeks on Friday takes 2 meals a day and roughly 10oz of milk in the 11/12 hours during the day she's awake.

Last night was pretty bad I remember looking at the clock 1.16, 1.27 then she dozed back off again until 2.28 fed her. Then gave in at 3.17 and took her in beside us. Sleep deprivation is the worst so all my sympathy is with you! Just keep powering on its what us mummies do best star.

Currently working on the day time naps of being awake for 90 mins then a nap and attempting to follow the EASY way not as straight on when you have a baby who is very determined

Eeeek686 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:10:12

I hate be the bearer of bad news but my DDs' sleep sorted itself around the 2yr mark I think - basically when she was old enough to be reasoned with and have things explained to her... DS (18m) is still going through his "regression" but we've coped way better with him by just co sleeping pretty much from the start; he is bf still and it's waaay easier to just pop a boob in for a couple minutes then roll over, all still half asleep!

I actually am very sceptical about people who say their babies slept through from early on with no 'encouragement' (ie sleep training).... not saying they don't exist, but I don't know Anyone who breastfed well into and beyond baby's first year who's child didn't wake loads and in many cases still do and we all just accepted it was part and parcel of having kids - you sleep Shit till they get the hang of it then catch up later.

There's a lot of research into sleep patterns and styles that indicates waking up frequently is actually in our genetic make up and is how we would've survived in the past - ie, constantly rousing ourselves to check we were still 'safe' and not about to be gnawed on by a sabre tooth tiger or similar grin so it may help you to understand that teaching your child Not to do that is actually fighting against aeons.... it can be done but takes patience! wink

Eeeek686 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:15:30

And btw, co sleeping Is Natural and you don't have to feel guilty or like a failure for doing what people all over the world have done forever (and in many cases still do)! There's this weird, actually fairly recent mindset that your nearest and dearest most precious and vulnerable family member Must be in its own bed - preferable even in its own room - asap or is going to all go horribly wrong for all concerned... I don't get it, tbh! Get a huge comfy bed and a bed rail and stick OH in the spare room a couple nights a week so everyone gets a bit More sleep breathe a sigh of guilt free relief and chill! grin

Zaurak Wed 15-Jun-16 21:36:10

There's nothing wrong with your baby - but it's awful when people are telling you about their babies sleeping 12 hours straight (obviously gin in the bottle 😜) mine sleeps 20-40 mins and no more. There's a woman on my Facebook who tags me in status updates about her six week old sleeping through the night I could throttle her...

I agree with what others say About co sleeping - it's saved what little sanity I have left.

Cornberry Wed 15-Jun-16 22:18:16

some babies sleep better than others. I would say that cosleeping made me able to sleep more. And if you don't want to let the baby cry then don't! Make a list of things and just make sure you've gone through it - is the baby hot, cols, hungry, need a nappy change. We found often it was the last thing we tried... it will get better. Do consider cosleeping. We found we all slept better.

Stellars Thu 16-Jun-16 06:37:23

zaurak What. The. Fuck? What an arsehole hmm

We've just come out of the four month regression but DS is still a crap sleeper. A four hour stretch at night is a massive achievement. He's six months and has 'slept through' (10pm - 5am) one night. Every other night we're up three hourly.

For a good few weeks it was hourly which was just killing me. I think it made me depressed, actually. It's torture.

I've tried everything to get him to go that little bit longer. He naps and feeds well during the day. He's weaning onto solids. We have a good bedtime routine. We have white noise. NOTHING WORKS.

So, for the time being I'm just going to suck it up as normal and fantasise about the day he sleeps from 6pm - 7am (like my older DS).

cakecakecake for everyone.

Stellars Thu 16-Jun-16 06:38:14

Oh and cosleeping does not work for us. He hates it and I hate it. confused

Nousername2015 Thu 16-Jun-16 07:02:40

I don't want ds to sleep through, I think I'd be awake worrying that something was up! I just want to go back to our 2 wake ups a night and to be able to function properly.
Last night he was asleep at 7:30 then awake at 9:30, 12, 2:15 and then again after that but I just brought him into bed and didn't look at the time. Awake for the day at 6:20. Dh can't settle him in the night any more, he always wants to feed. I thought we'd done really well with feeding and baps yesterday so this was a big kick in the proverbial balls.

zaurak As if your friend does that!! Talk about attention seeking.

Nousername2015 Thu 16-Jun-16 07:04:09

stellars I'm with you on the fantasy. It's my birthday soon and I've asked dh for a pack of sleeping pills and 12 hours undisturbed in my own bed grin

MYA2016 Thu 16-Jun-16 08:10:55

Still shit for me too... last night he went to bed at 7.30. Woke at 9.30, 10.30 (for an hour), 12.50 (for half hour), 2.45 ( for half hour and moved to our bed) 4.30 (10 min), 6.30 then 7.30.
He will scream and scream until he's fed but he used to feed then go back to sleep straight away but now he won't.
its exhausting and it's ruining my marriage sad it may be 'normal' but it's still bloody hard.
how many weeks is your ds?

DavidPuddy Thu 16-Jun-16 09:02:06

I like the Kelly Mom paragragh above. I find it reassuring.

My baby is 5.5 months and has been waking more the last weeks. We coslept entirely until 4 months, then started putting her in her cot next to our bed until the early hours, say 5 or 6. This worked really well until two nights ago when she decided she only wants to cosleep again. I don't mind, but she kicks me in the stomach and she wants to hang on to my boob and I am getting a sore back.

I am hoping this is just a phase and she just needs a bit of extra comfort right now.

Approaching it with the expectation that she will wake and need me does make it all much easier.

DavidPuddy Thu 16-Jun-16 09:03:51

That sounds extreme MYA, do you think he could be teething?

MYA2016 Thu 16-Jun-16 09:29:49

Davidpuddy I really don't think he is. He isn't showing any signs at all. He's been like it for 2 months now I can't bear it.
I have asked my hv for help but she just diagnosed me with pnd instead as I am always so tearful, which is purely down to sleep deprivation.
The problem is that during the day he is the happiest little boy you could ever meet so people don't understand how different he is at night sad

Daffodil90 Thu 16-Jun-16 09:35:28

Living this thread here too!
DD is 6 months today and for the last fortnight she's been a nightmare. Usually wakes up once for a feed at around 1am and goes down at 7.30pm, up anywhere between 5am and 7am (with maybe a couple shhhh's/dummy back to sleep throughout). Last night she woke up so many times I lost count, I had to get DH to take over at 4am because I was ready to keel over.
We started tastes of solids about 3 days ago and she's pulled faces at them everyday but hoping she gets the hang of it soon! She may also be teething, I can see on her bottom gum the outline of where they'll pop up and it's looking white.
I'm yawning loads now and she's grinning at Ben&Holly!

Stellars Thu 16-Jun-16 10:04:37

MYA that is shit. How old is your DS? Sorry you didn't get the support from your HV sad

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