Anyone up? Could do with a handhold

(99 Posts)
Zaurak Wed 08-Jun-16 23:23:07

I know I haunt these boards but I'm at a real low tonight. Ds (8mo) is not sleeping. Again. I'm averaging under an hour of sleep a night. I just can't cope.
Sitting in tears next to an inconsolable screaming baby and frankly want to chuck myself out the window at the thought of another day with zero sleep.
Sorry. Just needed a vent.

FortyFacedFuckers Wed 08-Jun-16 23:25:08

I'm so sorry I haven't seen your other threads but do you have anyone who can help with the baby?

Haggisfish Wed 08-Jun-16 23:27:27

Hand holding and hugs. It will pass and it will get better but I know it doesn't feel like it.

Zaurak Wed 08-Jun-16 23:27:52

No. I live abroad. No friends, no family. Won't settle for dh.
I can't cope anymore.

FortyFacedFuckers Wed 08-Jun-16 23:30:10

Even if he won't settle for dp can he take him a walk/out in the car for an hour or two to let you get a sleep?

2boysnamedR Wed 08-Jun-16 23:31:18

Can you leave him and make a cup of tea for some sort of time out?

Sometimes when at wits end I have reasoned that they are safe in the cot, I close the door and walk out.

In another room turn the kettle on and listen to sometime on your headphones for five minutes.

If you can't face doing that you can keep popping a head around the door.

Zaurak Wed 08-Jun-16 23:34:09

He works long hours - he does take him from 5am to before he goes to work and that is the only sleep I get.
Ds wants milk at night. He's always hungry smells of ketones and will scream (not cry, scream) until fed.,
We've tried everything even controlled crying (sorry, I was close to topping myself ...) nothing works. Pupd, wake to sleep, cc, etc, he just screams. For hours and hours.
I feel like such a failure

FortyFacedFuckers Wed 08-Jun-16 23:34:57

I know you have said you live abroad but is there any way you can fly home or have your mum/sister/friend/IL fly out to help you for even a short time? I know if my friend was struggling I would do everything I could to help.

AdelesBeard Wed 08-Jun-16 23:35:15

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this - it's beyond shit not having any sleep. You say that DS wont 'settle for DH' but you also say that you are averaging under an hour of sleep a night so it is clear that DS wont 'settle' for you either. So you need to pull your DH in on this one. It is NOT JUST YOUR PROBLEM. You share a sleepless child and as a couple you need to support each other. You need a break. He needs to help. Why can't you ask him to solve this with you?

FortyFacedFuckers Wed 08-Jun-16 23:36:23

Does he eat solids? Is he bottle fed? Have you spoken to your health visitor/GP?

Zaurak Wed 08-Jun-16 23:36:58

If he's left to scream he starts throwing himself around the cot and clawing at himself until he bleeds. He's scratching me now and has drawn blood.
If I put him down and walked off he'd get so wound up it'd take hours to resettle him.
I feel so claustrophobic- I have this screaming baby stuck to me 24/7. The lack of sleep is killing me. Really, it's killing me. I feel like I'm dying

GraceGrape Wed 08-Jun-16 23:37:17

Sorry, I haven't seen your other threads either. It sounds unmanageable. I assume you've been to the doctor - are there any medical issues? Could it be teething? Is there anything that gets him to sleep, eg if walked around in his buggy, then he could just sleep in that. Longer - term, is seeing a sleep special is an option? Sorry, I know how awful sleep deprivation is.

GraceGrape Wed 08-Jun-16 23:37:43

Sleep specialist, that should say.

BlueUggs Wed 08-Jun-16 23:39:16

You mention that he smells of ketones....what does your GP say about this?

Zaurak Wed 08-Jun-16 23:39:37

Eats solids (reluctantly) but is teething just now. He's got four or five coming through all at once and he's also had a nasty cold this week so he's obviously feeling pretty bad. He's eaten nothing for four days.
No health visitors here. Doctor has been begged for help - told to leave him to cry .
Dh does help. The only way to settle ds is by bf.

YouAreMyRain Wed 08-Jun-16 23:40:16

Could he have reflux? Would he sleep better being propped up or in his car seat or a sling?

Comfortzone Wed 08-Jun-16 23:41:49

Oh you poor thing

Is he bottle-fed? He sounds hungry if ketones are smelt as you mentioned above

I had a similar situation many years ago and it literally saved my life putting my baby onto formula at that age - we lived abroad DH long hours, no family help and 2 kids under 2, the youngest was similar to yours, I was barely surviving on no sleep, very bad PND

I used to put the cranky baby next to me on a pillow after a good snuggly bottle feed then lay down. Usually the sound of my breathing would help them settle too

Or I'd lay them down on a well propped up pillow beside me laying down and feed them that way

It is bloody hard

Comfortzone Wed 08-Jun-16 23:43:09

(And I only say that he sounds hungry as because if someone goes on a diet, then nutritionists always blab about ketones being smelt)

GraceGrape Wed 08-Jun-16 23:45:09

Can you get any sleep if you feed lying down? This was the only way I survived Dd2. She was literally attached to one or other breast all night but at least I slept. Could you afford to put him in childcare a few hours a week so you could get some rest?

hownottofuckup Wed 08-Jun-16 23:45:55

Can you co-sleep so you can feed him lying on your side?

GraceGrape Wed 08-Jun-16 23:46:32

Also, what do you give him for teething? Is Calpol/Ibuprofen available?

Comfortzone Wed 08-Jun-16 23:46:36

Sorry to keep posting - but I honestly wish I had just started co sleeping with my baby until they were ready to sleep without me. That would have solved all my problems as that is all they wanted to do - but I didn't want them clinging to me after a long day of having them cling to me and so I was determined to keep them in the cot

So maybe you could try a safe co sleeping situation where there are no duvets around the baby of course but he is safely positioned in a bed with you?

Do you have bonjela?

Peppa Pig on You Tube for distraction while you fix yourself a snack?

Zaurak Wed 08-Jun-16 23:47:17

GP looks at me like I'm crazy when I mention the smell. He smelled of it at birth and this was confirmed by the hospital paediatrician (it's normal at birth, they move from a glucose supply via placenta to burning fat stores so easily end up in Ketosis.)

I do use the pushchair for naps - I'm falling down with tiredness so I can't use it at night. He wakes as soon as we stop. I can't use a sling (my hips are still falling to bits .)

I've asked repeatedly about reflux. Again, blank looks. I have another docs appt (in three weeks, which shows you how hard it is to see anyone) and I will push. Again.

I feel like I'm falling apart and no one is even seeing it.

TweeBee Wed 08-Jun-16 23:50:01

Is he gaining weight ok? The ketones are a bit of a worry. Does he routinely smell like that?

Iknownuffink Wed 08-Jun-16 23:50:25

Babies need to be near their mum.

They need to be fed, clean, comforted and held.

My babies slept with me and we all slept well.

My GD was put into her own room at six months and kicked up a helluva fuss. She is back in her parents room, she can hear them breathing.

Feeding guides etc for formula are only that a guide.

You could try napping with baby during the day.

There are no hard and fast rules. The housework can wait, you need sleep.

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