gradual withdrawal q - fate?(7 Posts)
Was wondering if fatedestiny or someone equally knowledgeable could advise on v gentle gradual withdrawal.
At the moment I feed my 12 month old to sleep on a chair in her room and once she's asleep I transfer her into her cot. If I try to put her in her cot in any state apart from fully asleep she screams automatically, it's immediate and no amount of patting/rubbing/shushing helps, I just have to pick her up again and sit back on the chair until she's asleep.
So if I do GW how do I get over that barrier of the cot bars? I'm almost tempted to take the sides off but she's not walking and I'd worry she'd fall out of bed in the night.
In your case GW needs to start with feeding to sleep. Getting baby into the cot to go to sleep is for much later.
You are aiming for something not dissimilar to the Pantly Pulloff (google will explain more). You aim is so that baby is being cuddled to sleep, not fed to sleep.
Assuming you start off at the point whereby you feed baby to sleep, then keep baby in your arms until fully unconscious and floppy, then place baby into cot. So the first step is unlatching baby from nipple about a minute or two than you normally would. Then still cuddle to sleep. The ultimate aim here is that you can breastfeed until baby has stopped feeding, unlatch and cuddle to sleep.
Then the aim would be to just cuddle to sleep. So maybe feed baby at start of bedtime routine, not at the end. At the point of going to sleep, breastfeed just to settle then aim that the falling asleep bit happens in your arms, not being fed.
At that point you can look back at the progress you have made and realise that you no longer need to breastfeed to sleep, you are cuddling to sleep instead.
Then the aim is to make being cuddled to sleep less vital. So you might start cuddling baby to sleep in the breastfeeding position initially. Change the hold slightly so that you are cuddling to sleep in a cradle hold but not being BF. Then try cuddling to sleep with you standing up - this is an important stage since you'll need to be standing to put baby in the cot ultimately.
Then aim for a mix-and-match approach to the cuddling to sleep. Sometimes in a cradle hold, sometimes over your shoulder cuddle, sometimes Dad doing it, sometimes on the chair. Key is to make baby less relianet on a specific thing happening to go to sleep, just that baby needs your presence and comfort (or Daddy's), not a specific 'thing'.
So all this ^ has happened before you start the process of getting baby to go to sleep in the cot.
So at some point during this cuddling to sleep, start putting baby into the cot a couple of minutes before you normally would. Instead of unconscious and floppy, just before this stage. Baby will still be asleep, but not so asleep.
Over time put sleeping/drowsy baby into the cot sooner. It might be you have nights were you put baby down in the cot and its too much, baby wont settle in the cot. Not to worry, just pick up and cuddle again (at this time baby will only need a cuddle to sleep now). Once settled try again.
Get baby used to being put into the cot when they are asleep, so they know its happening. But if ever any distress is created, just pick up and cuddle then try again.
Its all about trust.
Baby needs to know that while there will be changes towards indendant sleeping, that they will not be in any distress and if ever they need more comfort, it will be there. However whilst the comfort is ever present, so is the drive towards ever more independent sleeping.
After all of this ^ you are aiming for the point where baby will tolerate you putting her down in the cot when it is sleep time, and comforting her in the cot. With you staying and comforting until she is asleep.
The next stages are with the aim of reducing the amount of reassurance needed to go to sleep, until you can just wait by the bed untils she's asleep.
The final stages, once she'll tolerate falling asleep in the cot herself with you waiting next to the cot, is the process of tiny changes to get you out of the room.
Oh brilliant, thank you so much this is very very useful! (You really should start a sleep business!)
Some nights she does pull off and then gets cuddled to sleep but I'll work on doing it more consistently.
She has a cue book just before feeding/sleeping (goodnight moon) which she's now learnt = feed so we can hardly get through the book without her screaming and pulling at my top so I wonder if I ditch that at the same time as moving her feed to earlier in the routine?
That is super advice! I e asked so many people this and got blank looks...
Fate has given you so much wonderful advice but just wanted to add something from my own experience which is of bf lying down not in a chair. We found it a useful halfway house to do the pantley pull off and encourage her to fall asleep lying down between us on our bed. Then the next step was to put her sleepy in the cot next to the bed with the side down with me lying right up next to the cot so it wasn't a million miles away from lying next to us on the bed.
Well it's going ok, I've introduced a projector and some nights she's happy to stop feeding and stare at that but then we went away and she got a cold and she's demanding to be fed again. I've just come on today to decide to properly start this again this week. She's got a cough though that has resulted her being sick for the last two nights, but there's always something!
I've so tempted to introduce a floor bed and lie next to her and slowly move away, I think she'll feel less like she's being dumped away from me then. When we were away we put the sleepyhead in the middle of the big bed in the hotel room and she was happy to be popped in there so thinking it could work.
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