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So tired I actually don't think I'm safe to look after my children

(135 Posts)
NoCapes Tue 31-May-16 20:43:09

DS2 turns 7 months this week and his sleeping is just getting worse and worse as time goes on

He gets up around 12 times a night
There are nights when it's every half an hour or less
He is absolutely fine to settle and it doesn't take long to get him back off, he just won't stay asleep!

During the day I'm starting to feel really horrific now, I have a permanent headache, I take probably way too paracetamol/ibuprofens to get through the day
I'm in a permanent state of semi-spaced-out-ness, sometimes I'll drive and can't remember the journey home (I've stopped driving as much as I possibly can with kids in the car now)
The baby climbed out of his chair today and banged his head on the wooden floor, I was nearby but my reflexes just aren't up to it anymore and I wasn't quick enough to catch him

I just don't understand why he won't sleep
We've done everything we did with our other kids, revert thing is dark and quiet half an hour before bedtime, he has a bath every other night and the nights he doesn't have a bath he just gets into his pj's, we have a bottle, he falls asleep very easily
This has been our routine since he was about 8 weeks old
We've moved it earlier and later, tried giving bottle upstairs and downstairs, but nothing changes
He just won't sleep
But he is tired

Sorry for the ramblings, I need help
What else can I do?

NoCapes Tue 31-May-16 20:44:01

Everything is dark* not revert

NotWithoutMyMerkin Tue 31-May-16 20:45:43

Where is he sleeping? Who else could help you?

It sounds awful, huge sympathy, lack of sleep is shitty.

Diddlydokey Tue 31-May-16 20:49:10

Okay. So how does he actually fall asleep. Ideal is:

Pj's
Milk
Teeth
Gro bag
Book
Bed

Putting down to bed awake, on his own, in his room exactly as it will be when he wakes up at night

for you - ear plugs, only respond to night wakings after 5-10 minutes.

When you do respond, don't feed or get out of the cot unless it's time. IMO they only need milk once at night time at 7 months as a maximum.

NoCapes Tue 31-May-16 20:49:16

He's in a cot in our bedroom atm
DP is here and takes him from 6am on a Saturday and Sunday and let's me sleep till 10ish
He doesn't do the nights (he's a whooooollle other thread!)
There's no-one else who could really help, I can hardly ask someone to babysit a baby who literally doesn't sleep can I

NoCapes Tue 31-May-16 20:51:13

Diddly he falls asleep on his bottle, in fact he really really struggles to fall asleep without a bottle in his mouth now
Thing is we've got 2 other children, so I can't really leave him screaming for 10 minutes every half an hour

ChoudeBruxelles Tue 31-May-16 20:52:26

Does he want feeding when he wakes. Ds was a nightmare at that age. Dh slept in spare room most nights as ds was in bed with me as he then only woke once or twice

NoCapes Tue 31-May-16 20:52:34

He gets through 3 bottles a night on average taking an oz/2oz on every waking blush that's really not good is it

PrincessHairyMclary Tue 31-May-16 20:56:33

Have you tried co sleeping as a single parent it saved my sanity.

BirthdayBetty Tue 31-May-16 20:57:26

Can you co-sleep. Seeing as DH won't do night waking, he can be relegated to another room.

ChoudeBruxelles Tue 31-May-16 20:58:22

It's really hard but I'd try to bring him into bed with you and not give him a bottle.

NoCapes Tue 31-May-16 20:58:26

We have tried co sleeping, it didn't help that much, he just thrashes around and screeches, he also kept falling out so I didn't feel he was safe enough

NapQueen Tue 31-May-16 21:00:46

Ok firstly you need to get do to do the night waking whenever he is off work the next day if he doesn't do it then conserve your enegery by doing fuck all for him

Secondly you need to tackle the little milk every wake. You are up anyways so now you need to give a little bowl of porridge before bed, so you are content he isn't hungry, then every single waking offer water only.

It will be awful, but let's face it, it already is. A few days of this and he will wake a hell of a lot less.

NoCapes Tue 31-May-16 21:10:53

DP won't do night feeds, just won't, has done 2/3 since he was born and it's really not worth the argument at 2am, he sleeps on the couch most nights now anyway so he's not an option
The 6am deal is our compromise (he's only been doing this for 4/5 weeks!)

I don't think DS is hungry when he wakes, I think the bottle has become a horrible habit we've gotten into that I'm struggling to break, will water help that do you think? If the drinking is just a habit, will drinking water become his new habit?

Mumandmama Tue 31-May-16 21:14:00

Water really helped wean my DD off night bottles. She would take them to begin with then lost interest and stopped wanting a bottle in the night at all. flowers for you, bad sleep is awful.

Artistic Tue 31-May-16 21:14:08

You have my sympathies! DD1 slept beautifully, DD2 was awful...especially between 4 to 12 months. I tried these which together made a difference..
- co-sleeping (put baby's cot with 1 side taken out next to me, so no worry of baby falling, she can just roll into her bed when she wants)
- late evening snack/ porridge/yogurt to fill up tummy (mine is dairy intolerant so can't take a milk bottle!)
- outdoor time in the morning and evenings
- good uninterrupted sleep of 2 hours in the day (dark room, house silent & put her back to bed if she wakes half way) but up from her nap at least 5 hours before night bed time
- no night feeds of milk of any kind, only water and that too only little sips
- blackout blinds in the bedroom
- no grobag, just thick pajamas & a light sheet
- keeping the house silent while she sleeps (if possible)
- never deviate from night sleep times (haven't had dinner in a restaurant since 20 months!!)

Some of this might help, you will need to try them all to know what makes a difference. The thing that worked MOST was when she started walking..just letting her walk enough to get really tired. At 18 months she is so much better. Definitely sleeps better on days when she is at childminders than on weekends.

Good luck & try to find a solution rather than giving up & living with no sleep. Don't worry if your solution is unconventional (for the first 6 months my DD slept 11pm to 11am) just do whatever it takes.

WilentSitness Tue 31-May-16 21:14:38

Whereabouts are you? Is there any money you could throw at a sleep consultant?

nudeynuderson Tue 31-May-16 21:15:00

Does he have a dummy? Sympathies flowers

originaldoozy Tue 31-May-16 21:17:49

I know not everyone likes them and it may be late to try but maybe a dummy would help? If sucking is helpkng to send off to sleep and not much milk is being drunk. My now 22 month old is a very sucky baby. He sucks a dummy to sleep, it falls out. If he wakes in the night he puts it back in, repeat. He could find and replace his own dummy from 8 months onwards. He would never take the dummy if he was geuinely hungry either! Always been restricted to bedtime/nap time and never used outside of the cot!

3luckystars Tue 31-May-16 21:17:49

Could he have reflux? My son never slept either and it took a long time (he was over 1year) before we found out he had reflux, because he wasn't puking. His stomach was burnt! Drinking milk was the only thing that helped him ease the pain temporarily so he was the same, waking constantly.
I was like the walking dead. I forget most of it, I don't know how I was even standing up most days.

When they are teething, the reflux sometimes ramps up a notch, so if he is getting worse at this stage then maybe it might be reflux. I could be totally wrong now and frequently am but it might be worth trying a box of gais on to see if there is any improvement after a week.

Best of luck.

nudeynuderson Tue 31-May-16 21:18:07

Also swimming in the day really knocks my ds out when he goes to bed he's 8 months but has been swimming from 8 weeks and always sleeps the best on swimming day.

Donatellalymanmoss Tue 31-May-16 21:18:11

Tell your DP in no certain terms that you are a danger to both yourself and his children and that he needs to shoulder his responsibility as a parent. Or just come round my house for a kip whilst I go round and knock some sense into him. Who the fuck does he think he is letting you get into this state.

NapQueen Tue 31-May-16 21:18:54

Even if water becomes his new habit I'd much rather leave a bottle of water in his cot for him to find and sort himself than have to get up and deal with milk.

And it won't. He will find it a heck of a lot less satisfying and will eventually concede.

And your DP needs to appreciate how lucky he is that you are giving him this. No night waking help ever at all? It would really make me lose respect for dh if he didn't pull his weight as a parent

Donatellalymanmoss Tue 31-May-16 21:18:55

I wouldn't actually hit him by the way just give him a very stern talking to about his responsibilities as an adult and a parent.

Sgoinneal Tue 31-May-16 21:19:00

Was just about to ask if he has a dummy (DS, not your DP but that's a whole other question!)

I know they're not for everyone but my DS slept so much better with one - otherwise he would wake and fuss on a breast or bottle he didn't really want.

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