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WWYD with 2 year old not going to sleep at bedtime

(7 Posts)
blushingmare Thu 19-May-16 19:44:59

I've always sat with DS while he goes to sleep. He now is really messing around and not going to sleep. I am often in his room 1.5-2 hours. He loses the plot in a major way when I leave. I experimented with a bit of CC, going back after 1 min, then 2 etc, but after a few minutes he was inconsolable and didn't settle down when I came back in, so I gave up. FWIW he will settle down and go to sleep very quickly with other people - it's just with me that he messes around. He naps for 45 mins - 1.5 hrs around 11 ish. Goes to bed around 6:45-7:15.

WWYD? It's driving me crazy and I am finding myself getting really angry with him.

Fannycraddock79 Thu 19-May-16 19:48:03

We had this with my husband, my ds used to mess him around something rotten. Have you tried the sleet rabbit book? It's a rubbish story but it worked most of the time my husband read it to him (we used it for about a year) but now he's in preschool he's so tired he can't keep his eyes open. Sorry, not much more help than that. If he ever played me up id say "I'm just going to leave you on your own if you carry on" and he'd hate it and get into bed or stop doing whatever he was doing, I'd sing him a song and drop off. Good luck

captainproton Thu 19-May-16 20:06:25

I think you have to be firm. And probably not just at bedtime. For instance if you 'give in' over other things because he cries and creates he'll learn that if he cries and creates he'll get you to stay with him. He can settle for others so it's something about the dynamic between you.

To get my boy to sleep when he was just turned 2, I sat next him a few nights, then I sat at the bottom of the bed and read my book but didn't engage with him. Then after a get more nights I sat outside the door and read. If he played up I would go downstairs for a small amount of time, not engaging with his attention seeking behaviour. But tbh I give clear instructions, warnings etc then act on them. He's learned that no matter how much am dram he puts on I usually ignore him and follow through on my warnings. My DH on the other hand issues about ten warnings, always engages with DS and leaves me to be the bad guy at bedtime.

blushingmare Thu 19-May-16 20:19:59

I think there's a lot in what you've said captain. And I do tend to give in to him quite a lot when he cries and has a tantrum (and boy, does he have tantrums!), mainly because it's quicker and less stressful. No matter how much gradual backing away I do he will scream if I am not exactly where he wants me - ie. Stuck with my hand wedged between the cot bars, holding his hand. I think I would feel more confident with saying something like "lie down, or Mummy will go" if I thought he really understood that, but can they really understand that level of reasoning at that age (he's only just turned 2)?

captainproton Thu 19-May-16 20:32:23

My boy is 2 and 8 months now, he has known I will act on my word for a good few months now. I think we started the bedtime routine when Separation anxiety had started to wane, and also when he learned that if he did something naughty there would be a consequence. Enough to know when I warned of that consequence he'd stop.

But I just sat next to him reading, reassured him I wasn't going anywhere and he soon twigged that if he created I'd go sit outside/go downstairs for about 30 seconds because he got beside himself. But I didn't speak to him.

If you don't think he's ready then just wait until you think he is. I'm not a fan of Controlled crying, hence why we coslept for 2 years.

Also another trick we do now sometimes when he's being clingy is we say, "I'm just going to wash up and i'll be coming back up." Then he falls asleep within 5 minutes and we just check on him.

InsaneDame Thu 19-May-16 20:36:04

Yes, they really can understand that level of reasoning - when my eldest was 2yo (now 7yo) I got him to stay in his bed at bedtime by warning 'if you get out of bed I will shut the door', the moment he started shuffling down to get off I closed the door, which he didn't like at all. A couple of nights of doing this 4/5 times soon got him staying in bed (rapid return was a great game for him btw!). My youngest has just turned 2yo and he without a doubt understands the whole 'if you do/don't do _____ then this will happen' situation.

Ffion3107 Thu 19-May-16 20:42:55

Would cutting his nap by 30mins/altogether make a huge difference?
We have a 2 year old, she goes to sleep while I (or her dad) read her a story. We took the cot sides down and put up a bed guard when she was around 20months. She doesn't nap in the day.

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