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Can't take anymore

(13 Posts)
Onthedowns Mon 16-May-16 07:03:04

My DS is 11 weeks suffering severe silentl reflux and cmpi taking gaviscon ranitidine omprezole and on nutramigen . He won't sleep on his back accept for earlier in eve on his carry cot then it's when he is exhausted. Naps during day mainly in sling. Hates his crib His symptoms haven't improved. I am sat here now been up 330 and have had 5 hours broken sleep before hand. DH helps with 11/12 feed but has work so into bed at 2am. We are sleeping in different rooms for weeks. Both exhausted I have a 4 yr dd too. I can't take anymore. DH helps but doesn't do anything round house just goes to work. Weekends he finds time to do hobbies but then moans about being tired. He is out st football match tonight and I am dreading it he has stag dos coming up to how Can I manage when there will be no sleep.

MangosteenSoda Mon 16-May-16 07:16:48

You need to go to bed early and your H needs to take care of the baby for a good few hours in the evening so you get a block of sleep. Then when he goes to bed, you switch. He also needs to get up earlier so he can take charge for a little while to let you get a shower and ready for the day.

Your baby is poorly and BOTH of you need to focus on getting through this difficult period. He can't opt out. He needs to put his life on hold for a bit, just like you are doing. So basically just go to work and do as much as possible at home.

He has a new baby, so he should be tired. You are working all day too, looking after your children. There's no reason why he needs more sleep than you at the moment.

MyBreadIsEggy Mon 16-May-16 07:30:55

A bit controversial.....but my DD also suffered terribly with reflux and we had tried everything to ease her symptoms and get everybody some sleep. Nothing seemed to work. So I took her back to the GP and he suggested I lay her on her tummy on the playmat/gym while she's in the throes of a reflux attack and see if she chills out....
Not only did she chill out, stop crying and not throw up, she fell asleep! And stayed asleep like that for an hour. So I started putting her in her crib on her tummy and she started sleeping so much better! The first few times, I was terrified and watched her like a hawk, but she learned to roll at around 14/15 weeks and I stopped worrying about it as she would put herself into her front! She's 13mo and will only sleep on her front.
Might be worth a try flowers

mrsmugoo Mon 16-May-16 07:46:25

Yes if the baby's on formula and you have separate rooms you need to do split shifts so you both get some rest!

Suggest you sleep 8-12 unbroken
Husband gets 12-6 unbroken
You sleep 6 until whenever while husband gets up and gets older child up.

Husband will have to learn to cope on 6 hours - it's perfectly reasonable. If you get 4 hours unbroken at the start of the night then catch whatever you can throughout the night and get a couple of hours in the morning you should all be able to function better.

Onthedowns Mon 16-May-16 08:03:25

The thing is I am struggling to continually function on 4 hours a night it's doing me in on top of house and dd

Onthedowns Mon 16-May-16 08:14:50

I think it's also got the point where him sleeping in me in bed is the only way it's going to work, we don't have spare room it's lounge we are in when not sleeping. DH expects everyone esle to help me as he's working

Zaurak Mon 16-May-16 09:07:27

Your husband needs to help. Full stop. He has to work, yes, but how many hours a day doe she do that? 8-12 probably. Now how many hours are you on duty? More than 8-12. As mangosteen says, he doesn't get to opt out of this.

Show your dh this post if you like. Tell him two things.

1. My dh helps. He has a demanding, high pressure, long hours job. Last week he still got up at 4am to take our ds downstairs so I could sleep as if been up all night. He gets a head start on emails usually, then goes to work. Often he's out for the whole day and then has late calls with the office in the USA. he still helps out.

2. Does your dh think of looking after babies as wife work? That's absolutely not on. This is the kind of thing that builds massive resentment. The couples I know where the man had this attitude are not doing great. Children are a joint work. Tell him to pull his bloody finger out. If you are bottle feeding even more so!

Regarding the reflux, my sympathies. I assume you've raised the head end of the cot? Definitely go back to your GP

Onthedowns Mon 16-May-16 09:19:57

Yes we are under a paed and raising cot doesn't help. I understand when he has had 4/5 hours sleep but I think he thinks going to work is easier. I have two children all day today all day and eve as he is going to football.

mrsmugoo Mon 16-May-16 09:24:19

Husband has a full time job, you have more then a full time job. Therefore it is unfair that you are shouldering more than your fair share.

Although I will say - I EBF so survived on 4-5 hours broken sleep for weeks/months as my husband couldn't do the feeds (and I didn't die). But he did stay in our room to support me and fetch me drinks in the night. You just have to pull together in the most supportive way.

mrsmugoo Mon 16-May-16 09:25:11

Also - husbands don't "help out" with babies - they do their fair share of parenting them!

Ratbagcatbag Mon 16-May-16 09:26:12

I had this with the reflux, it's an awful time. sad
Things I did, tummy slept dd from 5 weeks, it made a significant difference to the bouts of uninterrupted sleep.
I would hand dd over to dh at 5pm the moment he walked in, I'd go to bed and sleep solidly until 10pm when dh came to bed too. Whilst he was looking after dd, he prepped all bottles for the night (I know that's controversial but it helped), bathed her, changed her, and tidied up. So when I got up in the early hours the house was tidy(ish), bottles were done in advance and I'd had a decent sleep.

Onthedowns Mon 16-May-16 09:34:35

Thx obviously I have dd too to sort out. Unfortunately DS was premature and tube fed fur 3 weeks in scbu my breastmilk dried up so couldn't continue although I pumped for 4 weeks. Do it was just DS to look after I would cope but having two is different

VocationalGoat Mon 16-May-16 09:40:05

You have every ounce of my sympathy. I've been you and four hours a night will ruin your health, obviously and drive you mad. Like your DH, mine has always been off in the Land of the Oblivious.
My only advice is that, for the moment, throw out what you should be doing and focus on what you need to be doing and that is trying to get more sleep. Get selfish. You won't get your 8 hours but if you could get longer stretches then make that your aim.

All three of my kids were tummy sleepers otherwise I'd have gone mad. Have you tried sleeping baby on side? If you have a spare bed that you and baby can sleep in together and if this works, do it. You're in the trenches. Do what you need to do in order to get even 6 hours a night. Your DH might moan about not sharing a bed, like mine did, but I just put it bluntly to him. If he wanted a nicer wife (I was a grizzly, miserable, exhausted bear) he needed to let me do my thing and just try and get more sleep any way I could. If your DH isn't going to do more to help, then you need to just look after you. Get takeaways, a slow cooker, don't be afraid of giving the kids unlimited amounts of fish fingers in front of the telly. It is short term and the exhaustion you're experience can be dangerous. It really can be. You just crack and can't function. So make life as easy as you can under tough, sleepless circumstances.

I called a sitter in to look after the kids one day while I took a four hour nap. I'd love to have gotten a night nurse- this was highly recommended but we just couldn't afford it. If you can, please get a cleaner. I got one for about 8 months. I just couldn't do it anymore.
Really, I don't know if any of my advice is right or even safe, but hey, I lived to tell the tale as did my kids so something sort of worked. I'm still exhausted but I can function. flowers
My youngest is two and I really enjoy him now.

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