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What would you do in this situation? Help please.

(19 Posts)
Nottalotta Sat 14-May-16 19:06:35

Ds is now 9.5 months and has been in a good reliable bedtime routine for a while now. Bath/wash, sleeping bag, two stories, mobile, bf to sleep. I wait a bit then put down in the cot on his front.

However, he has had a cold and three teeth come through in the last few weeks and both maps and bedtime are going to pot. Naps I deal with by going for a pram walk. Job done.

Bedtime though. He is fine, has his feed then starts wriggling, pushing, pinching, biting, crying. Not every night. But I don't know what to do with him.then. H says take him downstairs and play. I am not keen on this idea. I put him in his cot until he gets fed up then try again. It has worked just now bit has take an extra half hour and a few attempts.

Second thing, we have just dropped his cot mattress as he has started sitting and standing in it. How the feck do I transfer

Should I be trying to put awake?

InsaneDame Sat 14-May-16 20:48:55

Maybe the feeding to sleep isn't working for him anymore. If I were you I would try gradual retreat, the first step being to put him in his cot awake and do anything it takes to help him drop off apart from picking up. Could be stroking, shushing, patting, gently tickling - anything that will comfort and relax him. He will fall asleep eventually - it might take a while and he will get upset but be comforted in the knowledge that be is just tired/frustrated and will find the new routine bard to adjust to at the beginning. But you will be there with him so he won't feel scared or abandoned.

InsaneDame Sat 14-May-16 20:50:01

*he and hard, not be and bard!

Nottalotta Sat 14-May-16 21:17:13

Thanks, I know I need to get away from feeding to sleep. It's just summoning up the effort!

FATEdestiny Sat 14-May-16 21:23:11

Our cot has three settings so goes to 'medium' before being on the lowest settling. While I could place baby down lying down in the medium height, I couldn't at all on the lowest mattress height because I am short-. By the time we've got to the lowest settling I would want baby to be at the stage where I can put him/her into the cot standing and baby is capable of lying down themselves. I simply couldn't reach to do it any other way.

As PP said, I'd maybe start the process of gradual withdrawal.

Regarding 'failed' bedtimes. See, if you'd have asked me when my DC1 was a baby (in fact also when DC2 was a baby) I'd have said:

"oh no - strict bedtimes are absolutely vital and completely no negotiable. I mean, what will happen if you don't stick to routine?! I'd definitely, certainly have massive problems when said child is a toddler"

DC3 came along and I realised softening up is fine. DC4 came along and you know what - at this age really it makes no difference if you have the odd late night. The odd stint of a few days in your bed. The few days of falling asleep in Daddys arms on the sofa at 10pm while he watches Match of The Day.

As long as on the whole you aim towards a reasonably stable and predictable routine, then up until about school age it really wont make any difference long term if you occasionally take the softer route.

So if my DC4 had a 'failed bedtime', she'd come back downstairs for a bit more playing and cuddles and we'd try again later. In fact past 6 months old and I wouldn't be prepared to give more than 10 minutes of my evening getting her to sleep. I also wasn't prepared to listen to any crying. So if she wasn't asleep within 10 minutes of being put down or was in any way upset, grumbly, unhappy and not settling - then she's be back downstairs with me and DH and I'd try again in half an hour. Honestly though, this never happened very often. She was so used to the routine 10 minutes settling time with me that bedtime 'failed' only at times of illness or teething - so not very often.

FanSpamTastic Sat 14-May-16 21:23:26

We used music at this stage. I would feed then sit and rock them in the rocking chair until they looked sleepy then lay them in the cot and leave the music playing.

AnotherStitchInTime Sat 14-May-16 21:40:26

With my three when I wanted to transition them into bed awake I started off by feeding them whilst cuddling a blanket or soft toy that I had slept with/had down my top so that it smelled of me. I would also play a lullaby night light whilst feeding. Took them off the breast before they were fully asleep. Blanket/soft toy and lullaby night light then went into bed with them after breastfeed.

Gradual retreat worked well for Dd1, but dd2 would get more excited if I was there. Ds just likes to listen to his lullabies and has a night light that cycles through a rainbow of colours. DH used to rub his back, but that just made him want more and DH would be in there for ages, undid all the hard work I had done getting him to self settle.

Do not take him downstairs to play, he sounds as if he is over tired already and it will just mean he becomes more so and harder to settle. You need your adult time too. Maybe try to start bedtime process half an hour earlier. Starting an hour before you want him in bed. Low key play time with toys (no loud, jumping play, no tv), bath, teeth, story, feed, into bed.

Nottalotta Sat 14-May-16 21:40:43

Thanks all. The cot is at the medium setting so I did manage to put him down asleep.

I think I would be more inclined to bring him down and play if I had any help at all from his dad. As it is, he's absolutely useless but that's another story.

I agree though that now is the time to work towards him getting himself to sleep in preparation of the cot going onto the low setting. Again though, it's all down to me and I am tired. sad

Nottalotta Sat 14-May-16 21:42:51

I actually think he is not quite tired enough

I think the cold and teething also don't help. tbh. He seemed tired today and so we went up earlier than usual. But he end ed up asleep at the normal time.

Zaurak Sun 15-May-16 20:00:22

Could be stroking, shushing, patting, gently tickling - anything that will comfort and relax him. He will fall asleep eventually - it might take a while and he will get upset but be comforted in the knowledge that be is just tired/frustrated and will find the new routine bard to adjust to at the beginning. But you will be there with him so he won't feel scared or abandoned.

Mine screams, throws himself around the cot and scratches until he draws blood. All night.

I've had sleep consultants , nurses and out doc blithely trot out the line that 'you just sit with them and they will cry then fall asleep after an hour or two.'

Alas, ours doesn't. 😪

Zaurak Sun 15-May-16 20:04:10

Notta, it's exhausting (I'm haunting the damn sleep board at the moment.)

I don't take mine down to play but I disrupt the 'I'm not going to bed and I will scream until you realise this' cycle of horror by taking him into another room for a nappy change, then downstairs just for ten minutes. I make a cup of tea or something then go up again. It just seems to jolt him out of it and reset him, somejow

On our fifth resettle of the night here. I feel your pain. Lo is now waking after only twenty minutes... Joy oh joy

Coconut0il Sun 15-May-16 21:15:19

Had a nightmare with DS2 a couple of weeks ago, he was exactly as you describe, pulling of the breast, arching his back, really fighting sleep. I think it was his teeth cutting through as he's back to normal now. I try to keep him upstairs as much as possible but if DS1 goes to bed I bring DS2 down. Still try and keep it dark and quiet and just shush him.
Sometimes when he's like that I also wrap him up and sit on the garden swing, lots of times he drops off on there. Think the fresh air snaps him out of it.
Sleepy but awake or shush patting has never worked for me. I always fed, rocked, sang DS1 to sleep. Eventually he just fell asleep on his own. Probably could've done it quicker but we were both happy so just went with it. He did it in the end.

Nottalotta Sun 15-May-16 21:34:44

Haha the sleepy but awake thing makes me laugh. It either works or it doesn't. Needless to say, it doesn't for us. I did one nap where I shush patted, nearly gave in about 5 times, but each time I was about to pick him up he settled again. It wasn't real full on crying but I really can't cope with a needlessly upset baby. No cio or cc here, I have a nervous breakdown!

Anyway, tonight was OK, I went up a bit later and he settled quicker. I think it's teeth combined with not quite tired enough.

Coconut0il Sun 15-May-16 21:46:15

None of that here either. Think I'd just end up crying myself! Think I'm more relaxed about it this time as I know DS1 did it in his own time.
Got a sleeping DS2 on my lap now. Currently binge watching Scandal so will transfer him in a bit!

Nottalotta Mon 16-May-16 07:17:41

How old coconut? I wouldn't mind so much but as I said hid dad is worse than useless, so while I am trying to get him to sleep I sit there knowing sod all is getting done downstairs (washing up, cooking dinner, making packed lunches, getting baby stuff ready for the next day........)

Coconut0il Mon 16-May-16 07:47:15

Nearly 9 months. We do try to have a bit of a bedtime routine but just didn't happen last night! He went through a phase of going to bed/sleep reliably at 7 every night but that seems to have passed and we're back to a later bedtime now.

It's so frustrating when you have to do everything and think it makes it so much harder when bedtime is taking longer and you know you've got things to do. DP isn't too bad as long as I say do the washing up, clean the sink, get the clothes in. He doesn't moan or anything about doing it but he's not very pro active. When we argue it's always about me having to be in charge of everything. If I'm putting DS to bed I often have to text down to tell him to do somethinghmm

Twilightpirate Mon 16-May-16 08:10:58

Don't abandon feeding to sleep if it works! At this stage I shifted from feeding in my arms to feeding to sleep in my bed lying down and then when she was deeply asleep transferring to cot. I could make sure I held her so I could lower into cot.

Also I second what FATE said. Don't worry about strict routines and bedtimes just go with the flow and remember it is all a phase! Everything changes so fast at this age!

Good luck!

Nottalotta Mon 16-May-16 09:25:05

Yes coconut I often text down but he leave his phone in random places. This is another issue really as I am fed up of having to look after him Aswell as the baby. We had a row a few days ago (when I had been upstairs for 90minutes) and he had done nothing. Well, he was doing 'stuff in the garden' well that'll get us fed. 'dont worry about cooking' he said. Never mind that I'm starving hungry. Grr.

Coconut0il Mon 16-May-16 12:04:14

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm often heard saying I'm not your mom to DP. He's the same in everything, just leaves it to me... birthday cards, days out, appointments to name just a few. He's always been like this, just seems more annoying with a baby to look after too!
He never moans and will do anything I ask but I do wish I didn't have to be in charge of everything!

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