PU/PD... your experiences please!(9 Posts)
So, I have decided to try PUPD with DD who is 5 months.
I don't think in can do anything gentler as she cries as soon as I put her down, before she even touches the crib or bed (only boob or picking her up stop her crying). Patting, sssshhhhing, soft words, music etc just seem to pass her right off but I can't leave her to CIO.
Currently napping (very badly) in pram, then sleeps at night with me (falling asleep on the boob). Can't move her once she is asleep, so I roll away stealth style. This isn't working now as she gets progressively more tired as the evening goes on, resisting sleep. I cannot get her to sleep on boob and leave her in an adult bed nor do I want go to bed myself at 7pm.
I know PU/pd is going to be a real battle with DD but I now see it as the only option.
Who else has tried it? Did you start with naps then tackle the night time battle? How long did baby protest for? How many days before they got the hang of it? How did you stay strong and not give in to 'your old ways' of comforting?
Honestly I really wouldn't bother with it. I tried when when DD was just coming up to 6 months and it just drove her nuts. She found it really frustrating and confusing and cried so so so so much. It appeared to work after about 5 days of hell - for both of us. Then a few days later she came down with a bug and we were right back to square one.
Stupidly I tried it all over again but it was slower to work the second time and even more upsetting for both of us. Again it appeared to work for a short while but then her first teeth started to come in and sleep went to pot again.
Don't kid yourself that it will be any kinder or easier than CIO. I massively regret trying it and wish I'd just had the strength and patience to put up with things for a little longer.
Around 9 months she just kind of got the hang of self settling after we had gone back to full on spoiling/feeding to sleep/ letting her sleep on me whenever she liked. Then at 11ish months she started sleeping through the night with no clever intervention.
I donny know why I ever bothered trying PU/PD tbh. Just a stupid upsetting waste of time.
Betty- thanks for sharing. I dread that outcome , worst case scenario for us trying PU/pd. You DD would have been similar age too.... <sobs into cold tea and reaches for more foxes biscuits>
Didn't work for us. It just enraged him then he's so upset he can't calm down.
Your mileage may vary of course but ds has gone from being ok to be put in his cot awake to screaming as soon as he hits it.
Our doc told us to just do cc. We did it for one night and he cried all night (with us going in a lot and eventually we ended up cuddling him because he was so upset.). It was awful.
Anyway, we talked about it and are pf the opinion that he's got some separation anxiety and ergo leaving him is probably counterproductive. So I've fed him to sleep in our bed and he's gradually getting less upset at bedtime, he needed comfort, not cc.
We've also pimped out the cot somewhat - a nice mobile and an activity centre thing and we have a little play in there a few times a day. Just a short one but he's happy to be in there again.
I think look at why she is upset. Teeth? Separation anxiety? Ours seems to genuinely need more physical contact at this age so that's what he's getting- cc isn't off the menu entirely, I think it may be used when he's older. But just now it seemed the wrong thing to do (for us, as I said each situation is different.)
I'm sorry as I know you want nice positive stories but it didn't work for us! Tried with DD1. After 1st PD it would take about 10 mins to get her quiet, 2nd one it would take over half an hour, 3rd one she screamed for half an hour (rocking, shushing, cuddling etc) until I gave in and gave her a boob (prob more to get something in her mouth to make get quiet!) She was inconsolable.
I think it got her really confused and taught her that crying gets her PU.
Did a soft CC and slept in room with her, shushed her, hand in cot, etc but just refused to pick her up (unless she needed changing or feeding) and it worked. After a week she was on her own in the room and sleeping through.
I realise my post above makes it sound like when doing PU/PD we left her down to cry for over half an hour after PD, we didn't, that's how long we were pacing around cuddling her until she finally cried herself out after PU.
I don't understand the psychology with PU/PD - if they cry you are essentially rewarding their crying with being picked up. And as soon as they stop crying they are put down! Anyhu didnt work for us with dd2 and really hurt my back. We'll be doing controlled crying in 3 weeks when she hits six months.
I did it with DS at 8 months and it worked very well.
Did you start with naps then tackle the night time battle?
No, the only thing I did differently was gradually night-weaned first, so it wasn't a shock not to get boob. (I progressively started to cuddle him back to sleep when he woke in the night, before I started PU/PD) But it is important to try to get your naps sorted into a good rhythm so your DD is not overtired.
How long did baby protest for?
The very first go I think the cry, pick up, put down, cry, pick up put down went on for about 40 minutes, then a bit less the next wake up.
How many days before they got the hang of it?
The second night it got better, the third night he slept longer than he ever had before, it took about 2 weeks until he was reliably sleeping through from about 8pm to about 5am. Not 2 weeks of crying, I mean 2 weeks until he didn't wake up at all. Before I did it, he was waking every 2 hours for bf. He had never slept longer than 4 hours in his entire life.
How did you stay strong and not give in to 'your old ways' of comforting? Because by this time I was desperate to get him to sleep as I was so sleep deprived, so I was determined to do it. I had the advantage of meeting someone at a baby group who had just done it and recommended it to me, so I was confident about it. I knew that if I gave in and put him on the boob, all the effort so far would be wasted.
You really need to read the book(s) and/or go on the baby whisperer forum, to get as much advice and support as you can, so you get it right the first time. The most important thing is to be consistent. And also to pay attention to her 'cues' so you know when she's tired, over-stimulated, etc. or genuinely distressed. Or crucially, when she's doing the monotonous, self-soothing cry which means she's trying to get to sleep, so you don't pick up, just be present and say your key words.
It was a long time ago, I don't remember it all.
As my sister said to me, if someone gave you £20 note every time you woke up in the night, you would keep waking up, right?
Thanks for the replies
Zaurak- I am worried that it will make her furious and hysterical but she has been like this since the day one so unsure of why.
Newmum and lcoc- I understand how it can be confusing for baby, need to read up on the logic of it. I also have a bad back which will make the process much harder.
Biscuit- nice to hear it's worked for somebody! Thanks for sharing
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