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Can I teach an 18m old to self settle? ?

(64 Posts)
Zombiemama Sun 17-Apr-16 22:44:35

Dd is almost 18m doesn't know how to self settle because iv never let her! Reflux baby first time mum terrified of vomiting and choking etc so iv always lain with her to put her off to sleep.
This isn't so much a problem for me I love our snuggles and quiet time together but when she wakens in the night it's me she wants and she won't go back to sleep unless I put her in bed beside me.
Fully aware this is toaltally self inflicted and it's going to be tough but now I'm back working I know it will be good for us all if she moves into her own room and stays the full night in her cot
Any hints tips suggestions all greatly recieved success stories or will she still be in our bed at 12 hmm

Fairy45 Mon 18-Apr-16 05:49:19

Im the same but my lo is 10 months. I looked at her clapping, walking saying words and playing the other dayband thought if you can understand me when im saying clap or so big etc and you know when we are playing games then you can learn to sleep on your own at night. I can tell the difference between her "im actually upset" cry and her "im pissed off but fine" cry. Ive just listenned to her "pissed off but fine" cry for 20 mins and she is now sound asleep again although ive been up since 4. I guess thats night 1 of some sort of sleep training ticked off. Ive always been scared of letting her cry but i think now shes 10months and knows a lot more than we probably give babies credit for, i feel more comfortable in doing so. Im sure your 18mo would cope although probablybwont be very happy at first. Hope that helps

Fairy45 Mon 18-Apr-16 05:51:39

Also the reason i came to this comclusion was a friend who has a daughter who is 7yo. She told me hers was just like mine coming into bed part way through the night and only just got her out of bed aged 6yo!! But has to lie next t jer bed to get her to drift off and she still often wakes in the night to get in mummys bed. So we joke but ..... we need our own space 😅

Strawclutching Mon 18-Apr-16 06:47:33

With our 2 year old I lay on a mattress next to her bed then 3 days later moved it further her away then three days later a bit further. Then I moved to a chair by the door for a week. Then walked out but came back. Then I had to go away for a night. My husband kissed her goodnight and shut the door. She was fine. (I like to this it was all my pre preparation!!) good luck.

Zombiemama Mon 18-Apr-16 08:57:15

Thank you both for your replies. Yes I definitely agree Fairy she can understand chocolate and biscuits well enough so she should understand sleep!! I too know the difference in her upset cry and her passed off one although the passed off cry can mash into an upset hysterical one pretty quick.

Clutching we had the cot right next to the bed at one stage with my arm able to reach her and even that wasnt good enough sad for her. But a friend has used the chair trick and it has worked successfully for their lb

Fairy45 Mon 18-Apr-16 21:27:31

Well at bedtime there was only 2 minutes of crying. Lets see how the middle of the night 1 goes. Im glad you said that about the cot as mine very nearly got moved next to my bed too. I was going to give her til friday and then move the cot but now i wont.

Amy214 Mon 18-Apr-16 21:53:17

Strawclutching i agree with this method (think its called the disappearing chair?) i sat on the floor and moved an inch every night whilst reading her a book by the end of the week i was reading the book by her door and then leaving, ive had to start all over again as shes in a toddler bed but its going good so far smile

Zombiemama Mon 18-Apr-16 22:00:12

Ok so we started a month earlier than planned! I asked her if she wanted to take her teddy into hrs own bed and go to sleep she said yes and couldn't wait to get into far so good!

Lay down snuggled up wanted out I lay her back down got up cried soothed her lay her back down now I did stay with her and hummed to her she was so close to being asleep 15 minutes in...then she got up and repeated all the above again lol. We had tears from both of us out of frustration but we got there. An hour it took but she went to sleep with me next to the cot. I feel drained it was tough but not once did I lift her out. Soothed her in there so let's so how the night goes.

Well done fairy that is fab be sure to come back and let me know how she sleeps. Moving the cot next to the bed may work for you it has for some of my friends just not us although I may give it a try again before she goes to her own room if needs be.

Amy how old is your little one?

Amy214 Mon 18-Apr-16 22:25:55

Shes 2, i moved her into her own room at 18 months but she was still in a cot as i didnt want to overwhelm her with too much at once, it took a while for her too get used to the different surroundings. I am staring to think i maybe shouldve changed her cot into a bed sooner as shes just taken to it so well. I let her pick a cuddly toy before she goes to bed and she always picks rudolph lol stick to it there has been times where i wanted to give up and just cuddle her but it will get easier smile

Zombiemama Mon 18-Apr-16 22:33:52

I will stick with it for bedtime I am positive it's going to be the middle of the night when she wakens and wants in that will test me but I'm off work to Thursday so I'm hoping tonight and tomorrow will be the worst and progress will happen by wed night lol or I'll be a witch in work the rest of the week!

I think 2 will be the point of moving from cot to bed for her also she is an awful wriggler in her sleep she hops about the place and sprawls out so the bars are good for now!

Amy214 Mon 18-Apr-16 23:05:53

My dd was a wriggler but since she moved room and into a bigger bed she hasnt moved about as much, night times were the worst time ever because your just desperate for them to sleep so you can jump back into bed lol

Zombiemama Mon 18-Apr-16 23:58:35

I'm actually still up afraid to go to bed incase I disturb her from her sleep lol she hasn't looked for me once tonight...maybe she's huffing!!

Fairy45 Tue 19-Apr-16 01:33:36

18 mins of crying and soothing her, laying back down etc. And she is fast asleep again. Currently sat on the sofa in the next room giving her a few more minutes to make sure shes definitely asleep before i get back in bed. Obviously Im going to be wide awake for a good hour or so now haha. This is normally the only night wake up but Ibe a feeling that was too easy. Hope youre doing fine zombie 😊

Zombiemama Tue 19-Apr-16 01:36:21

Also awake I braved it and went to bed and disturbed her. She's lying on top of my bed at the minute as I had to give her an inhaler for a chest infection. She was sound for 5 hours before she looked for's progress. I don't know how the bed return will go!!

Fairy45 Tue 19-Apr-16 08:42:19

Aww poor baby chest infections are nasty! Mine woke again 5am lasted 10 mins n was asleep again. Wahoo progress!

Amy214 Tue 19-Apr-16 11:35:31

Fairy45 it does get to the point where if they wake up you can nip in say its ok tuck them back in and there back to sleep within seconds and you can go back to bed and the whole thing has lasted not more than 5 mins, its so exciting lol. dd fell out of bed last night and once she was put back in bed and tucked in she slept until 8.30am. She does get fussy when ill but ive never taken her to my bed ive just lay beside her until she was ok and sleeping and then left quietly

MaybeDoctor Tue 19-Apr-16 11:42:40

I was still feeding my son to sleep on my lap just before he was two grin, so our record on self-settling was non-existent. I started gradual retreat just after his second birthday. It took a while (no crying), but I was happy to do it and he has been great with sleep ever since (crosses fingers in case of sudden regression aged six!).

Zombiemama Tue 19-Apr-16 19:11:27

Well I fell asleep with her in the bed so she stayed but slept to 8 am. Night 2 and she's currently walking round the cot shouting no and why at random intervals but she says she's sleeping there tonight so she means what she says doesn't she lol

Zombiemama Tue 19-Apr-16 19:12:17

Amy I can't wait to we get to that point I just hope it's before she starts secondary school haha

Amy214 Tue 19-Apr-16 19:27:08

Zombiemama you just have to keep being consistent she'll just be testing your limits and hoping you give in lol. I just kept laying her back down and tucking her in and saying its sleepy time sometimes i even kept quiet and she eventually got bored and fell asleep and the time spent faffing about got shorter and shorter now it only takes about 10 minutes to fall asleep and a few minutes throughout the night if she even wakes up. It does work it just takes time i found that a long ish walk an hour before her bath and bed helps aswell.

Fairy45 Tue 19-Apr-16 19:49:50

Great to hear amy! I cant waut for that day. I certainly feel shes learning that im not giving in with her. Shes just put herself to sleep beautifully in her cot not even a whimper just laid on her said and i watched her eyes go 😍

Amy214 Tue 19-Apr-16 20:01:20

Fairy45 it is lovely just seeing them sleep peacefully, fingers crossed she sleeps all night! grin

Pinkandwhite Tue 19-Apr-16 20:35:25

Its great to hear how well it's going for you. Do you have it totally dark in your toddler's rooms? I'm thinking of doing this with my 19 month old but she sleeps in the dark so she won't be able to see how far away I am and see that I'm moving further away each day. Wondering if I should make it lighter in her room in order to do this? It would be great to know what you think.

Zombiemama Tue 19-Apr-16 20:40:30

Wow fairy that's fab! I'm so excited for you and baby fairy. We got down to 40 minutes tonight which I think is great for night 2. I might try adding in a long walk especially now evenings are brighter.

Pinkanwhite iv actually put a big blanket over the window at night as it's still so bright and the sun sets over our house. When it's light she messes too much as she can see more. We have blackout velux uo in her room so I'm hoping she won't notice when we move her up there lol wishful thinking grin

Pinkandwhite Tue 19-Apr-16 20:46:51

Thanks Zombie! I'm going to start this tonight. I don't live in the UK so it's only the afternoon here so still a few hours until bedtime for us.

Well done on going through with it zombie! Please keep updating us!

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