Rocking to sleep (my fault..?)

[TangerineTrees]

DS is 12 weeks old and fights sleep. He'll nap and he'll go down at night but only if he's rocked to sleep. I've tried leaving him to cry for a very short amount of time, 1min max (I'm a wimp & hate hearing him upset), then pick him up, calm him, put him down etc., but he just cries if he's in bed and tired but not asleep. Funnily enough if he wakes from a nap he'll [mostly] quite happily lie there until I go get him up.

What can I do to help him drift off by himself? I feel like I'm rubbish at getting him to sleep because he relies on me to do it! I can spot his early sleep cues but the more tired he gets in bed, the more angry he becomes! Any ideas very gratefully received - I'd like at least a few hours a day/evening back where I'm not pacing up and down in a darkened room to help him sleep!

[CestLaVie93]

My DS is nearly 7 months & needs to be rocked to sleep. I hated it at first but it's so much better than sitting by his cot for 2 hours at bedtime instead with a wide awake baby. He sleeps 11-12 hours at night with a couple of wakeups but I never need to get him out the cot.
I figure it works so there's no harm & I won't be rocking him to sleep when he's 18 so just go with it!!

[Ratbagcatbag]

We had this. And staying in bedroom until asleep. For us it was slow transitions. So for now stop rocking but hold. Do that for a couple of weeks, then next put them him in his cot and rub/pat his back, next is just a hand on his back and not doing anything. Eventually (like when he's 12) you'll be able to just put him down. I didn't want to do CC at all so with dd we had a long time of this sort of thing. Eventually she got it (like 20 months) but now she's fine. (Disclaimer - although I waited for her to go to sleep it was literally ten mins tops not hours).

[MummaGiles]

I had this and then one day DS decided he didn't need it any more. It was probably around 6 months. I got to the point of needing a sling to put him in to get him off to sleep because he was so heavy and my arms were dying. It won't be that way forever - what 11 year old do you know of that needs rocking to sleep? Just do what you need to do to get baby to sleep.

[Icecappedpinetrees]

He's only tiny. Rock him to sleep. Better that than an awake, grumpy baby. If you can get him to settle then don't rock the boat - that's my opinion.

My son was fed or rocked to sleep for months. I wish I hadn't fought up and beat myself up over it. He's now 2 and settles by himself at nap and bedtime as well as through the night. It was hard but when they know how to sleep themselves, when they're ready, they will. (Not totally without input along the way but not at 12 weeks!!)

[bestestdoris]

We have the same challenge at the moment with our 7 month old baby girl. If she wakes in night, she's rocked back to sleep but we're trying the pick up, put down method, patting her back etc when she's in cot. She generally falls asleep on the bottle and apparently this is why she can't self settle. So started to try and keep her awake so when she's put in her cot she's awake. Am sure the fact she napped in her bouncer also has a lot to do with it - she likes the movement.

It's so hard to not go back to what you know works and what comforts them when they're crying...and when it's 4am and you need sleep!!

[TangerineTrees]

Thank you ladies! It's good to hear I'm not giving him lifelong sleep issues by doing this. It's so easy to listen to other mum friends whose babies just fall asleep as soon as they're put in their baskets (apparently..)

Ratbag I'll try what you suggest, thanks, and Doris you're right - I know it works so I give in and do it every time!

[BisherBasherBosher]

My DD just grew of this. We rocked to begin with and in time she preferred to just be cuddled (can't remember what age). At 8 months she didn't want to be cuddled anymore and preferred to fall asleep herself.

A lot of people talk a load of rubbish about baby sleep and what you 'should' be doing IME. Ignore and do what works for you. 12 weeks is tiny, rock him to sleep if that's what he needs.

[CityDweller]

Another one whose DC just grew out of it. It was like a switch - one nap time she just started struggling out of my arms when I tried to rock her to sleep. Put her down awake and from then on she pretty much always self-settled for naps. It was around 8 months, I think.

[Cel982]

You're not a wimp, and you're not rubbish. We are supposed to respond to a baby's cries - that's how they survive. The idea that babies should be 'trained' to fall asleep without a parent close by is bloody nonsense, it goes against every natural instinct we have, and causes such guilt and feelings of failure for parents when their baby won't 'behave'. Hold your baby, feed him, put him in a sling if that helps; although it feels interminable at the time, he won't need you for long...

[bestestdoris]

Just wanted to say thank you for the last 3 posts - I was hoping she'd work it out on her own naturally, without me forcing it on her and you've reassured me that carrying on as we are is ok xx

[TangerineTrees]

As Doris says - thank you everyone. Reassured that cuddling my baby to sleep isn't the worst thing in the world