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Gah. Just starting to make progress, now going backwards

(11 Posts)
crumbs12 Thu 24-Mar-16 18:54:11

So my LO is16 weeks and at around 12 weeks I was just starting to make some progress with self settling. I'd put him down awake but sleepy, he'd lie there for a little while then whimper and if he cried I'd pick him up (usually every time), quick settle and back down. He usually wanted to do the final bit of falling asleep when he was in my arms which was fine. Things were going well but the last couple of weeks they've slipped massively and now I'm finding I'm feeding him to sleep most days and he's so unhappy at being put down awake he just cries instantly. Should I persevere? I can't stand the crying but wonder if I go to him too quickly and that's why he now won't settle by himself.

How do people get their babies to self settle and have I screwed things up by leaving it this late??

Would love to devote the time to getting him to sleep each day but I have a toddler and nap times are impossible with both (which may be why I've resorted to feeding him to sleep recently). Kicking myself though as we we're just starting to get somewhere!!

Any advice?

tiredybear Fri 25-Mar-16 21:41:18

really no expert....but I'd say, stop kicking yourself! It's always been two steps fwd, one step back with my LO and I think that's true for most babies. What's wrong with feeding him to sleep? You're busy, it works, he's only really little still.....I think sleep training should come in when he's a bit bigger to be honest.

when my DS was about 6 months, I started with nap times then bedtime, to get my LO to self settle. I decided what routine I wanted and was consistent. It worked...for a while, now my 1yo has other ideas! :-) He can get himself to sleep, he just doesn't want to!

Good luck

crumbs12 Mon 28-Mar-16 19:28:00

Thanks for your reply, maybe I do need to relax a little. There's nothing wrong with feeding to sleep in principle it's just harder to do it with a toddler wanting to play with you every waking minute! Will try and leave it a bit longer before thinking about self settling...thanks smile

sophiaslullaby Mon 28-Mar-16 20:03:28

Crumbs how long does your DS cry before you go into him? My 4.5month old ds always cries when I put him down for a nap but evening bedtime he'll only whimper (or hum - hummed himself to sleep for 20mins other night!! Meditating!?grin)
They say it's normal for them to cry for 5-15mins which mine does do at times but the difference is the type of cry. Sure if my DS is screaming then that's not normal and I'll tend to him but I know his "I'm tired but going to be stubborn cry" so feel confident leaving him to settle down. 99% of the time his cry will dwindle within 5mins and then he's out. Even when he's grizzled on for 15mins I clock-watch and hover until he's settled.

sophiaslullaby Mon 28-Mar-16 20:46:18

Forgot to say, at bedtime I also feed to sleep and through-out the night too.

crumbs12 Mon 28-Mar-16 23:15:34

Hi sophias, I'm sure I go in to him way too soon! I think I know this deep down. That's interesting that on average babies cry for between 5-15 mins before settling off to sleep. In recent weeks his cries have been getting stronger and he really does sound distressed. Having said that tonight and last night I put him down awake on his tummy after a good feed (he's a tummy sleeper) and he spent ten minutes turning his head from side to side, grumbling and softly crying before settling off to sleep. So maybe he's happy to settle on his front rather than his back? I was concerned about leaving him to settle on his front as it seemed cruel to listen to him crying and not be able to turn over! I will persevere and try to leave it a bit longer before picking him up. Thanks so much for your post x

PalePolkaDot Mon 28-Mar-16 23:19:32

I just did whatever was easiest and got them to sleep quickest - feeding/rocking/stroking/swaddling etc. I couldn't bear crying or making it a task. Seems to have worked as they sleep fine through the night and have done for ages.

I definitely don't think they 'have to' cry, or that you've left it too late - he's tiny!

SouthernComforter Wed 30-Mar-16 08:24:57

My 20wk old almost always cries before sleep. It's not 'controlled' crying - I'm almost always there with him, holding his hand and stroking his head. He's always cried a bit and so did his brother. I've recently left him at naptime and waited at the door and he's gone off after a few minutes. If he doesn't I'm back to stroking...

SouthernComforter Wed 30-Mar-16 08:28:47

I also feed to sleep but have to get a burp out and he usually wakes a bit then. (Btw when I said he almost always cries I mean whingey settling, not getting beside himself. It's quite common for boys to cry before sleep apparently, it releases tension/energy? )

sophiaslullaby Wed 30-Mar-16 09:24:40

SouthernComforter - I also heard that elsewhere that boys are more likely to cry before sleep (although, bless him - mine is so exhausted from being up all night he's just mumbled and dropped off), is that what it is then - to release tension and energy?
Like you my DS's crying is more whingey settling, not all out crying. Did that last night and I was back and forth for over an hour (I messed up with the time change!).

crumbs12 Wed 30-Mar-16 20:42:28

I hadn't heard that about boys and crying before sleep - interesting. His cries have been more like full-on crying than whingey but I'm starting to have a bit success putting him on his front after a feed and a burp so fingers crossed we might be making some progress. Thanks all. Think I just need to chill out about it, easier said than done of course but you've reassured me not to worry about it so much!

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