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so I co-sleep...

(29 Posts)
artisanroast Wed 23-Mar-16 20:54:41

As the title says... I co-sleep...

I feel quite ashamed of this due to the SIDS risk. I didn't co-sleep until my daughter was 6 months (although she was 4 weeks prem so 5 months corrected).

It started by me taking her in with me at 5am to breastfeed. Then it became 3am and I would feed her if she woke. Now it's sometimes 1am so every time she wakes I just latch her on and switch boobs as required.

I don't really know how often she wakes now but I think it's 3-4 times per night.

I sleep in her nursery (with my 2 cats who share our single bed) so I'm 'it'. Nappy change or feed I do it. I'm exhausted. So, our sleep pattern has evolved.

My husband sleeps in our old bedroom as he works all day and sometimes until 1-2am as he is self-employed.

I don't let him feed her. I have a drawer of frozen expressed milk but after difficulty establishing breast feeding I am now a bit the other way and don't want anyone else to feed my daughter unless I can't do it myself due to not being there. If I'm there, I'll feed her myself. No matter how shattered I am.

Does anyone else do this?

I love my daughter and only want the best for her (as any parent does).

I had planned to stop breast feeding at 6 months, now it's looking like 9 months... Oops!

xx

FannyFifer Wed 23-Mar-16 20:56:44

Whatever about co-sleeping but you should under no circumstances have the cats in bed as well.

Nan0second Wed 23-Mar-16 20:57:47

The death risk is almost zero with a child of this age, on a mattress in a planned way so you don't need to be ashamed of co-sleeping at all.
The question is "are you happy?" And "are you getting enough sleep?" If yes and yes then carry on!

Everythinggettingbigger Wed 23-Mar-16 21:08:52

DS is now 5 and has always co-slept....it wasn't planned he's just never been a baby/child that can settle himself

Everythinggettingbigger Wed 23-Mar-16 21:10:06

Posted too early! Nothing to feel ashamed about and I'm sick of comments about needing to get him in his own bed... .I work full time so having him in bed with me for a cuddle is great and gives us some time together!

ILikeUranus Wed 23-Mar-16 21:10:34

I did it for 2 years with both my children (separately, they're 3 yrs apart in age). Google safe co-sleeping and do it right (no pillows/duvets etc, just have a blanket). They helped themselves to milk/comfort whenever they wanted and I didn't have to get out of bed at night ever. People told me I was making a rod for my own back - I laugh!

artisanroast Wed 23-Mar-16 21:11:15

Hi,

I am happy, my daughter is a beautiful and content little lady.

The cats are there because the baby is now bigger than the cats! Ha! And also to reduce her risk of cat allergies.

I reviewed several journal articles into allergies before making a decision on allowing my daughter to be exposed to the cats.

I plan how to ensure my daughter has adequate space in the bed and does not have the quilt near her face. She is also in a short sleeved suit to reduce the risk of her overheating.

Everything has been thought about and considered to reduce any possible risk however I still feel like it's a dirty little secret. Like I am doing something terribly wrong.

A friend says mothers wake up and choose from the 'mothers' guilt menu' to what they will feel guilty about that day. I think it's very true!

PotteringAlong Wed 23-Mar-16 21:11:39

Co sleeping absolutely not a problem as long as you do it safely. I co-slept with both of mine and still do it. 2 cats sharing the bed is not co-sleeping safely.

magpie17 Wed 23-Mar-16 21:51:22

Co- sleeping is fine, especially at this age. I would keep the cats out though, I have two and wouldn't let them sleep in with my DS.

The thing about not letting your husband feed her, even from a bottle, sounds a bit odd to me though. But so does the fact that you are happy to sleep in separate rooms, those things are just at odds with my idea of marriage and co-parenting I guess.

magpie17 Wed 23-Mar-16 21:52:37

Also - letting cats sleep in her bed so as to reduce cat allergies is nonsense, she will get enough 'exposure' to the cats at other times.

SirVixofVixHall Wed 23-Mar-16 21:55:01

I co-slept with both mine, and still often do, they are 8 and 11...! Babies are meant to sleep next to their mothers, enjoy your lovely baby.

lovelilies Wed 23-Mar-16 21:56:57

I would 'let' your husband have the single, if he needs a bed alone (?)
And sleep with DD in the big bed grin
Still co-sleep with DS 2yo btw

Artistic Wed 23-Mar-16 21:59:46

Co-sleeping is blissful. With all babies. More so if you have one that doesn't sleep much and prefers to keep waking up for one reason or another. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I am quite proud of being there for my daughter in whatever way she needs me rather than sticking to 'rules' about how she/ I should be sleeping. I didn't do this with my older daughter who was happy to sleep contentedly in her cot next to my bed. She didn't move into her own room until she was 6. Again, I never considered for a minute what others expect of me/ her. I simply let her decide when she was ready to sleep in her room. Really this is nobody's business but the parent & child's. Enjoy the closeness. Soon she will be growing big and landing blows on you. grin

Leverarchfile Wed 23-Mar-16 22:03:09

Agree with pp about taking the bigger bed and giving your OH the single grin

I coslept with my oldest and he went straight into a single bed in his own room at 18 months no problem at all. So the rod for your own back comments Ive never understood.

NerrSnerr Wed 23-Mar-16 22:09:41

Co sleeping is fine, not sure why you're in the small bed and your husband has a double to himself. I don't think it's safe having the cats sleep in with you though.

Muskateersmummy Wed 23-Mar-16 22:16:13

Fellow co sleeper here! Dd is nearly 4 and still arrives in my bed at some point (in fact has just this minute climbed in!). Dh either joins us or sleeps in the spare room.

Do whatever works for you. No need to feel guilty. It's perfectly normal and natural for your baby to want comfort from mum when they wake.

Zaurak Thu 24-Mar-16 07:00:06

Co sleeping is great and if done correctly is very safe. The sids data foes t differentiate between deaths when in a bed and deaths for example falling asleep drunk/ on sofa etc. So as long as you're not smoking or drinking and you're following the safe guidelines it's great.

But ... not the cats. It's irrelevant whether the baby is bigger than them, it's not safe. So the cats need to get out of the bed! It'll make no difference to allergies at all. If you're in a house with cats then you're exposed to them.

Tiny bit unfair that dh is getting the double all to himself.

Purpleboa Thu 24-Mar-16 10:08:45

Another reluctant co sleeper here! DD 9 months and we've been co sleeping since 7. Only way to get some sleep. Not what I planned to be doing! And it's not something I want to be doing long term. I miss sharing my bed with my DH and as lovely as it is having snuggles with my baby, it's not the most comfortable arrangement and I do worry about the safety of it.

We're also in a single bed, DH in our room. But that's my choice - until very recently (as she has a nasty cold) DD did some of the night in her cot. I kind of feel that by doing the full night in the double bed, we are admitting defeat! I really, really want her to do the full night in her cot. Just don't know how to make that happen!

Oh and another one to query the presence of cats, sorry. I'd be worried about them sleeping on the baby, you do hear of it happening. I'd say that was a bigger risk than anything else right now.

Purpleboa Thu 24-Mar-16 10:10:11

Oh and I'd give anything for someone else to feed my DD! She won't take a bottle though so it's all down to me. It would make a huge difference if she did!

clarella Thu 24-Mar-16 10:18:40

I don't know why I felt similarly ashamed but I did. It's daft as its how it's meant to be, biologically and evolutionary.

I still bf and semi cosleep with my 3 year old son. I say semi as technically he sleeps in his own bed and room but often pops up next to me some how.

I did night wean when he was 2.5.

He decided he wanted his own bed and room at 20 months. And would last half the night, sleeping through sometimes around 2.5, though I night weaned after this. Night weaning made no difference to night sleep as he had molars, illness and scary dreams, but early mornings (5+) had become boob surfing which was rather frustrating as I'd start dropping off and he'd wake again!

Do what works for you all.

clarella Thu 24-Mar-16 10:19:42

This is a brilliant website explaining why this it totally normal.

https://www.isisonline.org.uk

clarella Thu 24-Mar-16 10:20:56

Put the double mattress on the floor of her room and get another for your double bed. Simples!!!!

<heartily wishes we had done this!!>

maybebabybee Thu 24-Mar-16 10:23:38

Out of interest why do people think the cats are unsafe? There have been no documented incidents of cats suffocating babies, it's an old wives' tale.

Zaurak Thu 24-Mar-16 21:09:05

Cat scratches can occur easily, and can create very unpleasant infections. Even a chilled cat can snag you with its claws (without even meaning to.)
Cats digging to go to the loo = contaminated paws - not really something you want next to a young baby that sticks everything in its mouth. Toxoplasmosis, soil bacteria (tetanus) etc.
Cat fur in mouth/eyes

We once caught our cat in my brother's cot, sitting on him. My mother would have wrung it's neck if she'd have caught it.

Ratatattat Thu 24-Mar-16 21:15:20

It's fine if you are happy but I'm not sure you are. I can't understand why you wouldn't let her father feed her.
I know someone who was signed off work for months with stress and exhaustion due to BF and co sleeping with her 2 year old. I don't consider that to be healthy at all.
Btw I still co sleep with my 3 year old so am not anti. Although he was FF .

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