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Putting baby down sleepy but awake.

(31 Posts)
BisherBasherBosher Fri 04-Mar-16 13:52:59

I know someone whose baby sleeps a lot. She says she puts the baby in his cot and he falls asleep all by himself. Apparantly, her secret is that she has put him down sleepy but awake from day one. However, I cannot imagine that any newborn would fall asleep of their own accord when placed in their crib awake? She must have left him to cry, right? Or am I wrong?

This person also claims her DS never crys, which also leads me to believe he's been left to cry and learnt that no one will come?

fuckityhi Fri 04-Mar-16 13:55:04

Unless you're there, you don't know. Each baby has a different personality. Some are easy going and some are little hell raisers. Why would you assume your friend was lying?

Gracey79 Fri 04-Mar-16 13:56:55

People's interpretation of these things can vary too, she might mean she pats him whilst in the cot or it could be a swinging crib etc just like sleeping through can mean 6-12 hours depending on who you ask.

bluepuzzle Fri 04-Mar-16 13:57:56

DD falls asleep by herself, and she's only two weeks. She's been doing it since the beginning. I would never have believed it had I not experienced it for myself - DS was the complete opposite and couldn't be put down at all.

I haven't done anything to make DD like this, such as deliberately put her down sleepy but awake. She just falls asleep by herself. And she rarely cries - only when having her nappy changed.

donajimena Fri 04-Mar-16 13:58:34

I think your friend is truthful. My second world go into the cot awake and then fall asleep. He also slept 11 - 6am from 3 weeks shock
my first wouldn't entertain going in his cot full stop. He couldn't self settle. They are all different.

BisherBasherBosher Fri 04-Mar-16 14:00:34

I never said she was lying, just think she may not be giving the full picture. She said she put him down sleepy but awake, but she's never said there was no crying involved in the beginning.

Thurlow Fri 04-Mar-16 14:02:16

You're wrong. Very wrong.

They're all different. It is a minority, yes, but some babies do prefer to fall asleep on their own.

I suspect part of it is that it feels so unnatural to do it that no one really does it. Plus we're pretty much told not to do it nowadays, so how do people know what their baby will do if they don't try it?

When DD was about 6w old I was on my own with her one evening and she just would not go to sleep - she wasn't crying, but she'd almost fall asleep in my arms and then her eyes would pop open the moment I put her in the crib. I was so tired and so hungry I nearly snapped (not badly, but I put her down once too heavily) so I left her in her crib in the dark and walked away for 5 minutes, as you're told to do.

And then when I went back a few minutes later, she'd fallen asleep herself. And so we did that every night from then on. (Yes, committing another MN sin of the baby being asleep in another room for a few hours.) For naps she needed help, but come 8pm she just wanted a dark, quiet room and slept so much better than she ever did trying to fall asleep in even a dim, quiet living room with us.

She rarely cried during the day either, unless she was starving, and then that was easily solvable.

All babies are different.

But why on earth would you just assume that your friend is lying and, basically, accuse her of neglect because her baby is different from yours?

BisherBasherBosher Fri 04-Mar-16 14:08:24

It's this woman's first and she thinks she has created this good sleeper by using this method from day one. If it has genuinely worked without leaving him to cry, then I guess it's more to do with luck that she has an easy going baby.

I cuddle DD to sleep. Complete none issue as I like the cuddles. Also, I'm on mat leave so my time is fully devoted to DD, if that means spending time to cuddle her to sleep so be it. However, I've tried the sleepy but awake thing recently as DD will have to go to nursery in a while and I doubt they will cuddle her to sleep there. When I told my ftiend it didn't work, she said it's because I didn't do it from day one like her.

Tfoot75 Fri 04-Mar-16 14:10:12

My dd fell asleep on her own in her crib sometimes during her first few weeks. She grew out of it eventually, but we never did anything like rocking her to sleep, although she did get into the habit of feeding to sleep later on. It is partly what you do very early on that creates habits often imo, eg putting baby down in their crib and them crying for a few mins is a no no with your first for most people, but a necessity with subsequent children - who do generally seem to sleep much easier (I realise there are exceptions!)

BisherBasherBosher Fri 04-Mar-16 14:11:03

I never accused her of neglect. I just don't like the fact she is smug and the implication that my baby doesn't sleep as well because I'm not as much of a wonder mum as her.

Thurlow Fri 04-Mar-16 14:13:02

Now thinking she has "created" a good sleeper is probably unlikely. The older DD gets, and the more years of good sleep we have, the more we've come to the conclusion that she just likes her sleep and we had little to do with it.

Having said that, when we have DC2 I will certainly try putting down sleep but awake from an early age, just to see.

I have to say, though - can't you see that you're making the same sweeping judgements as she is? Sounds like you both have one baby. Yours likes to be cuddled to sleep, hers likes to fall asleep themselves. That's a 50/50 split. Why is your baby's behaviour more representative than hers?

Thurlow Fri 04-Mar-16 14:13:33

And you have accused her of a form of neglect: This person also claims her DS never crys, which also leads me to believe he's been left to cry and learnt that no one will come?

Ihatechoosingnames Fri 04-Mar-16 14:17:42

Some kids do just go to sleep themselves. My DS is 2 and he woke every 3 hours til he was 1 then suddenly started sleeping through. 99% of the time though he would go to sleep himself, I'd put him in his cot and leave the room. He never cried and if he had I wouldn't have left him.

My DD is 4 months, she's slept through from 6 weeks old and she also goes to sleep herself when I leave her in the cot. She never cries and I'd never leave her to cry.

Some kids just naturally go to sleep easier than others and some naturally sleep longer than others.

Plateofcrumbs Fri 04-Mar-16 14:20:30

Ignore her advice - all babies are different!

I've been working on the 'drowsy but awake' thing since DS was born and it is finally starting to work - he's 19 months old! He did it when he was ready.

BisherBasherBosher Fri 04-Mar-16 14:21:57

Because I don't know of any other babies who fell asleep by themselves from day one. However, I know plenty of babies who need to be rocked/cuddled to sleep. So it's actually nowhere near a 50/50 split in my own experience. However, it seems that it is more common than I thought so fair enough. I did say in my OP 'am I wrong?' It seems that I was wrong and I was open to being told so.

Frazzled2207 Fri 04-Mar-16 14:29:15

I think some babies just do. Both of mine were crap at self-settling, eldest has only just cracked it at 2.6angry

muddymary Fri 04-Mar-16 16:32:51

Mine was always happy to fall asleep on his own. Some babies are good sleepers - it's just a lucky dip which one you get! It certainly doesn't mean that they've leant that no one will respond to their cries.

donajimena Fri 04-Mar-16 16:53:53

It is a lucky dip. My second didn't cry at all when I put him in his cot. I certainly didn't create a great sleeper. He's 10 now and he still falls asleep in seconds. The eldest still has trouble.

waitingforsomething Sat 05-Mar-16 07:07:02

Dd1 did this from about 4 weeks old when she stopped falling asleep in every feed.
DS took about 3 months to get this

Caterina99 Sun 06-Mar-16 14:25:03

My DS often went to sleep on his own in his cot with no crying, from tiny. He also got fed/rocked sometimes, but in the middle of the night after the feed he normally just went back to sleep. He just likes to sleep!

hownottofuckup Sun 06-Mar-16 14:28:33

It's just luck of the draw, all babies are different.
She might well get a shock if she has another one!

Lexipedia Sun 06-Mar-16 14:32:07

My first didn't self settle until he was nearly two. Second and third did it practically from birth. No leaving to cry, no ignoring distress, the occasional pat on the tummy was all that was needed.

Doje Sun 06-Mar-16 14:33:15

As PP's have said, they're all different.

I've been lucky with both mine. DS1 took a bit of work, but we did try and put him down sleepy but awake. Sometimes this took a lot of picking him up to chill him out, then put him down and repeat if he got upset. DS2 has an amazing knack of being able to just fall asleep wherever, whenever. He literally just slows down, shuts his eyes and off he goes to the land of nod!

Nicknamegrief Sun 06-Mar-16 14:38:50

Good sleepers are born not made (and few and far between)!
Also people's definition of a good sleeper varies greatly.

Skiptonlass Sun 06-Mar-16 15:08:45

Some do. Mine doesn't ( terrible sleeper) but I have a friends whose second baby slept through from a couple of weeks. Never cries unless there's something wrong.

They really are all different. Where she IS being unreasonable is thinking its down to her actions ;)

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