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11 month old sleep disaster - please someone help!

(10 Posts)
snowydrops Thu 18-Feb-16 16:06:02

I've never posted on MN re sleep for DD2 (she's been pretty OK...) and I guess I learnt a lot (or so I thought) with DD1.

So here we are at almost 11 months currently this is how the day / night looks (today / last night used as example)

7.30- awake
8am - breakfast (solids, always refuses milk)
10am - offered milk, rejects, put down for nap
CRIES FOR 35 Mins then sleeps for 25 mins! Awake and won't go back to sleep, have to go out anyway then with DD1
12.30 - Lunch (sandwich and puree, raisins)
2pm - 7oz bottle
2.15 -into cot (asleep on me from bottle but woke when i put her down but straight off again.
2.35 - awake, left to cry for 40 mins...no more sleep
5.15 - tea (lots)
6pm - bedtime routine (bath, cuddle, bottle on me in nursery) usually falls asleep pn bottle but not always, usually wakes and cries herself to sleep for 5-10 mins
6.30/6.45 - asleep
11-12pm ish - awake for 30 mins shouting (no milk given)
4am - awake and screaming, drinks 7oz bottle

HELP. until 6 weeks ago she was taking a nap from 10-11am, 2-3pm and then sleeping 6.45-7am straight.

I am going mad, DH is going mad and poor DD1 is being ignored as I am constantly trying to get the baby to sleep. I don't know what is going wrong. I am trying to do CIO and it doesn't work so what on earth else is there to try?!

I've spent most of this afternoon crying about this myself never mind DD2.

MamaMittens Thu 18-Feb-16 20:33:41

I've spent most of this afternoon crying about this myself never mind DD2.

And when you were crying, would you rather have a) had a cuddle from someone you loved to comfort you or b) had them leave you crying on your own and ignored you?

Now, which do you think your DD would prefer? I beg you not to do CIO. Trust your instincts as a mum.

I know, its really hard. My DD (20 mo) is up several times a night and has been for the best part of two years. My DS (4.5) wakes at 4am for the day.

A combination of cosleeping, cuddles and guilt for abandoning the older one and (probably) causing massive issues there has got me through. And things are looking a little better. He sleeps until 5 sometimes now...

Hang in there, its tough but it will get better. This, too, shall pass.

Sophie38 Thu 18-Feb-16 20:37:59

I'm with MamaMittens

It's probably something to do with getting those awkward back teeth - remember it was fine 6 weeks ago and could start to be fine again tomorrow.

Babies change all the time, this isn't for ever, it's just a glitch. Please don't panic or think you have lost your way - you have done nothing wrong (though I think leaving to cry is a mistake as it makes things worse, often)

Do what you can to reassure her that you will come when she needs you, and she is likely to cry less in the long run.

Can you put the cot in your bedroom to make it easier? I think the closer the better - they settle better and you have less far to go when they wake. Win win

Sophie38 Thu 18-Feb-16 20:41:06

Oh crikey I just read it again properly - you're leaving her to cry an awful lot. Is there a reason for that? Did someone tell you 'not to make a rod for your back' or some other such bollocks?

Please don't take any notice of that, it's rubbish, babies cry, you come and pick them up, they stop. It's just how it works. They need you. Poor thing will be miserable if you leave her crying and her throat will get sore too.

Sounds like you both need a break smile

jessplussomeonenew Thu 18-Feb-16 21:02:07

It sounds like the nap routine isn't working for you any more - I'd suggest taking some days when you just go with her sleep cues and don't try to get her to sleep until she looks drowsy. That way you'll work out what sort of pattern works naturally for your child just now and can adjust your routine.

You sound very stressed about the sleep - is it the crying or the lack of sleep, or feeling that you're doing something wrong? The success rate for controlled crying/CIO is a lot worse than often portrayed (see evolutionaryparenting.com/how-effective-is-controlled-crying/) so I would strongly recommend that you don't keep trying something that's stressful and appears not to be working.

It may help to know that it's not at all unusual for babies to wake at night at 11 months (my 18mo has still never woken fewer than 3 times a night and was waking 5-6 times at 11 months, though mostly didn't wake for the day quite so early if we coslept with him!). And it's bloody tough at times - but sometimes trying to change it is more stressful than just going with the flow and trying to survive. In the meantime, are there there things you can do to get more rest? Earlier bedtime until this settles out again? I know naps in the day are often not possible with two children - is there someone who can give you a break, or split the nights with you?

Hang on in there, this too will pass!

Gracey79 Fri 19-Feb-16 13:25:55

Could she be ready to change to one nap? My ds is the same age and I've noticed he's much harder to get down to sleep and the odd day he's only had one nap he's slept much better at night. My ds wouldn't be ready to nap 2 1/2 hours after getting up

snowydrops Fri 19-Feb-16 16:34:18

Thanks for the messages! I am feeling much less stressed today after DH took over last night so I had a good rest. In fact today she has been much better also (maybe as I'm less stressed?) and had 2 decent ish naps.

I probably sound awful saying I am leaving her to cry, it's more of a shout than cry, I would never leave her actually screaming...more whining / shouting! But yes I agree It feels awful and I can't really see that it works anyway...

We couldn't really move the cot into our room as there's not enough space but we have co-slept on occasions when she's been up and woken my DD1 up.

It's actually a relief to read all these messages from people advising against CIO methods, It seems to be what everyone tells you to do but often goes against my instinct. And thanks for the advice that this stage will pass...sometimes when in the moment you think it will last forever!

Sophie38 Fri 19-Feb-16 17:48:12

Oh gosh you poor love, yes it is very very hard to go against what everyone seems to be telling you to do. I am so glad if we have made a difference.

I've always found co sleeping is just the best solution because I've not got to get upright when they wake up at night, and they settle sooo well when they are next to me.

It works for me because I am lazy grin but seriously the only time I tried getting them to sleep in a different room, the getting up at night nearly killed me. So I gave up!

I really hope you get some better nights soon. If there's one thing babies are consistent at, it's chaning their habits all the blooming time - best just to roll with it IMO flowers

Sophie38 Fri 19-Feb-16 17:48:24

*changing

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Tue 23-Feb-16 21:51:29

Sorry just seen your thread but could she be ready for just 1 nap? My 14mo DD went to one around 11m, it seemed too early to me and I kept checking on MN but she has always been a crap napper. Since going to 1 nap she sleeps at least 1 hr and often 2.
Good luck anyway, it's so draining and blummin tough!

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