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Will he ever gtfts?

7 replies

PeaceLoveAndMincePies · 04/02/2016 23:10

My DS is 13 months old. He has never napped consistently and has more or less always fought about going to bed.
I have sleep-trained. We managed to get bedtime down to a fine art when he was 9-10 months old, with no milk or anything involved (before that we were feeding him to sleep). Bedtime routine, into bed awake, bam, asleep. Sometimes he woke in the night and sometimes he didn't. Never any consistency either way, but bedtime was fine. Ever since Christmas he has got worse and worse and now bedtime is a disaster, and we still have inconsistent night waking.
I feel like I have tried everything. I was/have been suicidal since before Christmas because I am so worn down. I mean if he would just nap for an hour at least then I could have some time to myself. I wish I had never had him. I wish I were dead.
My psychiatrist has increased my ADs and also prescribed me some sleeping tablets so I have had a couple of weeks of being comatose, which has certainly made me feel more human (my DH has been seeing to DS while I've been out of it), but unfortunately the holiday is over and I have to face this shit again.
Tonight we have tried something completely different - gradual retreat. I sat in a chair in his bedroom and totally blanked him. He didn't cry, just chattered and tried to get my attention for an hour before settling himself down and falling asleep. Perfect. But then he woke up screaming the house down (worse than usual, real banshee-style) and wouldn't be soothed by anyone or anything. I shut myself in the bathroom and cried after a while. I can't bear it anymore. I don't know what to do. What do I do?
Do children ever become good sleepers or am I fucked for life?

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PeaceLoveAndMincePies · 04/02/2016 23:26

Just stroke my hair and tell me it's going to be alright.

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AWhistlingWoman · 04/02/2016 23:26

Oh peace - it is really tough.

I'm sorry that you are feeling so low. Please do tell your GP, your DH, anyone who can help you. Sleep deprivation is used as torture for a reason. Because it's horrible and drives you crazy!

My second child was a poor sleeper. I never did any sort of training and he did (eventually) become a good sleeper. He's asleep now. You aren't fucked. And I firmly believe it is nothing to do with anything that you have done or have not done.

I've had two who slept pretty well from the get go and one who just wouldn't! Didn't do anything differently. It's just who they are I think!

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AWhistlingWoman · 04/02/2016 23:36

Strokes Peace's hair.

IME . .

DD2 was a good sleeper from one year +. DS1 woke up multiple times per night until two and a half when he finally seemed to get it. DD3 was a good sleeper from birth - she's just a sleepyhead (like her ma!)

I did NOTHING differently. DS1 preferred to be awake I guess! And it was awful and I felt terrible. I really do feel for you. It is possible he will change. Or maybe he won't. But please do try and get support if you are feeling really terrible.

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FATEdestiny · 05/02/2016 09:51

In terms of maximising your own sleep and minimising disturbance to your nights, what about bringing the cot back into your bedroom next to the bed?

If baby likes your presence to go to sleep, you would then be right there next to him in your bed. So he might feel more secure to go back to sleep during night wake-ups.

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Purpleboa · 05/02/2016 10:45

Stroking your hair and feeding you

God it sounds horrendous. You poor thing. My DD is 7 months and a bad sleeper. So I'm not quite as far on. But my friend's DD is 16 months now and her sleep was horrendous (wakings every 45 mins) until about 14 months when things started to improve. She's still not a great sleeper but is so much better. Think my friend just used gentle sleep training, but really she thinks it was just time. I hope that this happens for you. I had a meltdown at 6 months because I really thought things would have improved by then. It's so hard. Good luck

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PeaceLoveAndMincePies · 05/02/2016 14:08

Thank you for all the kindness.
I think I will put a mattress on his bedroom floor tonight and sleep there, just to see if it makes a difference that I'm there when he wakes up.
I'm more a fan of the no pain no gain, quick results of CC, but if he needs me to be gentler and slower now then so be it, but he'd better just go to sleep at the end of it!
He's asleep in his pushchair now so I'm recharging my batteries and having a lie down on my bed. Fingers crossed I get another half an hour out of him.
Thank you so much for being nice to me. I didn't mention that he isn't walking yet and I wonder if things might improve naturally once he can run around and wear himself out. Please please please let that be so!

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PeaceLoveAndMincePies · 05/02/2016 20:31

Tonight has not gone well thus far. He screamed at me for half an hour, so then I brought him downstairs and rocked him in the pushchair, told him to shut up () and then he fell asleep. DH skilfully transferred him to the cot and hopefully I get to eat dinner before he wakes. It's like having a sodding newborn again.