Jo Frost Controlled crying(20 Posts)
Struggling with our beautiful 6mo - he's finding it hard to fall asleep during the day or at night without a breast feed. Completely our fault I realise for instilling this bad habit! I'm interested in trying Jo Frost's cc methods, although not sure I've the resolve, and wondered if it had worked for anyone - or any variation?
A version of cc worked for me but my ds was much older- almost one. He was night weaned and self settled for naps so I felt he was ready. My dd is 6 months and there's no way I could do it with her yet (or any time soon) because it would be just too distressing (I wouldn't be confident enough that she didn't need something). Is bf to sleep a real problem? I don't really see it as a bad habit! I'm actually a bit gutted that it doesn't work for my dd (the only bf baby who doesn't fall asleep bfing!)
Have you looked at gradual withdrawal methods and shush pat? There's also a technique called pat-pat that you could google.
6 months is still very young for cc. You could try spaced soothing ( I assume is similar to pat pat) but don't feel bad about breast feeding your little one to sleep. It's perfectly natural.
Breastfeeding to sleep is normal not a bad habit. Enjoy your baby. Enjoy breastfeeding.
Thanks all! Tbh feeding him to sleep isn't a hardship at all - and we've been lucky to enjoy breastfeeding without any trouble really. perhaps I've been reading too many books that tell me it's a bad habit. Thanks also will look into shush pat too
I don't understand why people would rather see their babies cry then feed them and do it the natural way. It's bonkers.
I did cc around 9 months and it worked. I cried a lot but only took 2 nights. I felt I had to do it as she had been self settling and then DH took over for a week or two for bedtime but was getting her to sleep in his arms so everything had reset. Dd used to cry before sleep anyway (she napped on us until 6 months and would cry for 3 mins before sleeping). She still does for naps but it lasts only a few minutes before cooking out. I think she just doesn't like sleep and would rather go on as long as possible. Night time now though she just rolls about a bit before closing her eyes.
I found cc worked but it is much harder on you than them. It might have been hardest on DH as I had to do it and blamed him entirely as you couldn't put her down without full on tears if she was awake.
Firstly, if it's not a problem for you or him, then it's not a problem, so dont worry. That said, it may become a problem, depending on how many times he's waking at night and what else you've got to do (i.e if he's waking 5 x a night and you're going back to work), so you might want to encourage him to fall asleep by himself (maybe something as simple as putting him down as he's falling asleep, rather than holding him till he's fast asleep), but you dont need to cut straight to CC.
I did CC with DD when she was 1 and was still waking every 2 hrs to be fed back to sleep. I was on my knees. Last straw came when I ran a red light due to sheer exhaustion and nearly got the whole family hit by a cement truck. Realised that CC was lesser of 2 evils. Within a week, she was sleeping 6 hrs straight.
So, I understand why people do it and I dont think it's damaging, but at the same time, dont let anyone make you think you HAVE to do it.
We did it at around that age and it worked, DD learnt to settle herself and became a very good sleeper. It's quite controversial on here and some people believe passionately it's the wrong thing to do but I honestly couldn't have continued the way things were without it. It's tough at first though to hear them crying and not go straight in. As far as I remember you double the wait each time (so one minute then two etc) but decide for yourself what your maximum limit is and then just repeat that over again otherwise it becomes too long.
I wouldn't do it personally. 6m is so very young, I have a 7mo and I can't help thinking if he cries at night it's because he needs something, not because he's being naughty and needs to be trained out of it.
The issue with extinction sleep training is the cortisol rise. Info here:
Something else to read, OP.
If it's not a problem then don't worry about it!
I did controlled crying at 9 months with ds1 as he needed an hour of rocking and singing to get to sleep, now that was a problematic bad habit! I did it at 13 months with ds2 because by that time he wouldn't sleep for longer than 45 minutes and it was having a terrible effect on both of us.
For future reference if you go down this route I did the settle at 1 min, then 2 mins, then twice at 3 mins, then 4 mins etc. ds1 it took two nights at 3 minutes, I don't remember what it took with ds2 as my memory was shot from sleep deprivation. I think it might have been just over 4. Not sure I would've gone past 6 as I'd consider it not to be working at that point.
I have a similar scenario with my nearly 8mo. Look up "pick up out down"- is gentler than cc and seems to be working, albeit more slowly than with cc.
With PIPD you never actually leave them, so not as distressing (in theory) as CC.
I had to do CC with my eldest, but he was 2 by then. It did work, though seems a bit harsh with a young baby. Once they are older you KNOW they're not hungry, teething or otherwise in discomfort.
Difficult to be sure with smaller ones.
Thanks frazzled I'm quite keen to try pick up put down having read a little more - like a lot of things Tracey Hogg suggests it seems like common sense rather than something unattainable
Breastfeeding to sleep is not a bad habit, they just stop it eventually.
6 months is too young for cc imo - although I'm not anti cc, especially the Jo Frost way.
But not just yet.
The sleep wisperer is a very good book. Really helped with dd, when my eye balls were hanging out and I went deaf with tiredness. No lie.
I'm with star girl.
I actually like the fact that I can use bf to magically get my very active three year old to have the quick snooze he desperately needs.
I did find other ways, which was helpful, such as sling, push chair, cuddles etc. when he was a bit older. And the flexibility was useful. And it didn't always work so other ways were handy!
It's not the rod everyone says it is. At all!
A few people recommend this:
You've not instilled a bad habit, feeding/sucking to sleep is completely normal.
I still feed my 18mo dd to sleep. Sometimes she has rubbish nights sleep and we're knackered, other nights she sleeps through. Your baby won't need boob to sleep when he's older (and time bloody flies by!)
Personally I wouldn't ever let my child cry. For 1 I don't even think Jo Frost has kids so doesn't understand the maternal, intrinsic instict. For 2 I think about what kind of relationship I want to have with my daughter. One where she knows Im always there for her? Or one where she is confused that she needs me but I'm not there.
They learn to sleep on their own eventually
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