CC day 2 - Normal to cry every 20mins ALL night???

[omama]

DD(13 months) has been using me as a pillow since the start of December due to a run of coughs, colds, teething canines (bottom ones cut christmas day, top ones still haven't), & her mmr jabs 5 days ago. Prior to that she slept well.

Things came to a head friday night when I spent virtually the entire night sat up in the chair holding her while she slept & the moment I lay her down she screamed. No temperature, doesnt seem poorly & is well medicated for teeth. I've just started back at work & simply can't be doing this all the time i'm exhausted & have a 5 year old to look after too.

So... decided she needs to stay in her cot instead of sleeping upright on my knee so did a version of cc. After 45 mins of crying & going in every couple of mins to reassure, she settled, then as expected woke a few times in the night but settled fairly quickly.

Screwed up early morning & cuddled her as needed her to sleep in to a decent time due to attending family party today right at usual naptime, which i do realise will have confused her big time.

Tonight (day 2) dd settled like a dream at bedtime, but since 10pm has cried every 20-30mins ALL fucking night long. The instant I pick her up to reassure her she stops & nuzzles in to go to sleep so I've laid her down straight away & she's protested for a bit then settled. For 20 mins or so then crying again. I have been down to her at least 15 times, my longest stretch of sleep has been 30 mins & I have to get up in an hour to get ready for work & I've no idea what to do with her.

Is this normal for day 2 of CC? I didnt expect this sort of hell and frankly think sitting up cuddling her is preferable although my kankles wouldn't agree ok i knew she'd protest & wake a few times but this is something else. Bit worried i could be doing all this & what if she's actually poorly or something? I have given calpol & it seems like she's ok when i pick her up, she just seems to wants cuddling back to sleep. But if i give in now i've wasted an entire night of so called 'training' & feel I'll confuse her even more.

Sorry this is so long but i'm depairing please help!!

[lorisparkle]

I'm afraid I don't know much about CC as I could not cope with the crying however we did the gradual retreat method with all of mine and whilst it took a little longer I felt better about the whole thing and could go back a few steps if they were unwell.

So basically I cuddled and rocked the first few nights, just cuddled the next few nights, lay down with him the next few nights, lay near him holding his hand the next few nights, lay near him not touching him the next few nights and then moved further and further away. I bought a book called 'Teach Your Child To Sleep' which explained it in much more detail. I liked the book as it did not tell you which method to choose (it has many different methods including CC and you choose the one you like) just how to go about doing it.

With parenting I do believe you have to do what is best for your family so being given detailed instructions for different methods really suited me.

Hope you get more sleep soon - DS1 was waking every 20-30mins at his worse and after doing the gradual retreat method for a couple of months he was sleeping 12 hours a night every night from about 15mnths (Good job as I was pregnant again!)

[omama]

Thanks for your reply lorisparkle.

I can't really bear the crying either . I relented in the end just after posting this morning & picked her up & cuddled her and she finally slept, upright on my knee. Unfortunately I had to get her up at 7am to get ready for the childminders so she didn't get much sleep. Anyway it turns out she has a cold. And possibly sore throat/earache, since I've now got this too.
Feeling pretty terrible about it all this morning tbh , she felt poorly & all she wanted was a cuddle from mummy, but having never done cc before I actually thought she was trying it on. Poor wee girl.

So approach abandoned & will have to have a rethink when she's better, if we still need to. The gently gently approach of being in the room but not cuddling her just seems to enrage her, as does pick up put down, so not sure what else I can try . Will tackle that if/when we come to it I guess.

Thanks again

[FATEdestiny]

I'm glad you've had a re-think. This sentence in your opening post is the most important in answering you query:

"Prior to that she slept well."

If she slept well before she can and will again. There most be a reason why she's upset and needs Mummy at the moment (as you have subsequently found out she was poorly).

If she can sleep then she would just go to sleep. Which is great for you. It means that if she is fussy or upset, you have no confusion of is she just tired or is there something else wrong. Lots of parents have that confusion and so use CC because their baby cannot sleep well. This is not the case for you so you can be assured that she she's upset, it's because there is something wrong so you can be her reassurance and source of extra comfort while whatever is wrong gets better.

[omama]

Thanks Fate. Unfortunately we're 5 days later & nights have been horrific all week, she's been waking approx every 30 mins virtually all night every night & the only way to settle her is for me to sit & hold her upright on my knee. Which I have done every night since. Several nights i've been up & down the stairs repeatedly til 2am ish & then sat awake from then til morning holding her as I'm too scared I'll drop her if I fall asleep. Then I'm having to do a full day at work or look after 2 kids too & quite frankly I feel exhausted.

She still isn't right - she's had a low fever & now has a bit of a croaky voice, teeth still havent cut but are very close so we're keeping her dosed up but its making zero difference to her nights.

She's now also screaming for me at bedtime/naptime (yet she's going down fine for cm, mum, mil &at bedtime yest for dh too) only screaming when its me. So while I don't doubt she's under the weather, I still feel that a large part of it is her simply wanting mummy to hold her (as this was going on long before this current bout of illness - its just far, far worse right now).

I do want to comfort her but I just dont feel I can continue to stay awake for a large part of the night every single night night to hold her. Putting her in our bed isnt an option, tried & she messes about for hours & then there's 3 of us having no sleep whereas in the chair its just me as she goes to sleep instantly.

She has dummies (very attached to these), she has teddies (not really attached to them & prefers dummy) but she wants mummy. I just dont see what option I've got other than tough love & say no you have to sleep in the cot. Please - if you have any better ideas I'm all ears.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Have you tried swaddling her in your bed?

[omama]

Exit she's almost 14 months - no way would she be swaddled!

[winchester1]

Could you lay in her room, so she can see you from her cot, if you don't fancy cc.
Also does she have a pillow if she prefers to be a bit upright.

I've cc with both of mine so I'm not saying don't do that btw.

[winchester1]

Oh mine were both awful sleepers a couple of months back and that turned put to be ear infections. They didn't really have any other symptoms. They had previously been good sleepers though.

[omama]

winchester - thats how we started off, before resorting to cc but she gets completely hysterical if she can see me/knows i am there, in some ways she is better if I go out but then back in for reassurance. I've propped her cot mattress up incase she needed to be more upright - didnt sem to make any difference. She just cries for me to hold her. Stops & settles the instant she is picked up. Screams & cries the moment I go to lay her in the cot. Surely if this is just illness & nothing else she wouldnt settle that quickly on me.

I've had another awful uncomfortable night in the chair, she's only had 9.5hrs of broken sleep too (her usual is close to 12 hrs) - she's fidgeted & thrown herself around on my knee & just hasnt seemed comfy, but doesnt want to go in the cot so I feel stuck between a rock & a hard place & can't bear the thought of another night of this.

[omama]

Ps she doesnt seem to have symptoms of ear infection but if she's still like this on monday we will be going to the docs just to rule it out.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

It is definitely the wrong time to attempt this if she is under the weather. I would definitely go to the doctors to have her checked out.

And wait until she is 100% OK if you want to try again..I do sympathise as broken sleep is hard. We are 9 years in.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I mean..I agree with the approach you have decided to take :)

Hope this resolves.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I agree with the abandoning CC for now I mean

[5minutestobed]

Ds had bouts of doing this and it was just that he was poorly and wanted Mummy. I hope it passes for you soon.
If you say she doesn't do it for your dh, could he do nights for a few days to see how she is?

[GenevaMaybe]

If she's not sleeping it will her longer to get better. I'd say do whatever you need to get her sleeping.
When she's better do CC.
BUT be 100% consistent. What you are doing now is just really confusing for her

[omama]

Geneva do you mean the cc attempt 6 days ago confused her? Or what I'm doing now (cuddling her - as I had done for the 6 weeks prior to that since she stopped sleeping well at night) Am sleep deprived & feeling myself!

5 minutes - she has finally (in the last week) settled for dh at bedtime for the first time since she was born. Usually she cries & cries so this is a massive breakthrough for us. However she still won't entertain him at night time & just cries & screams for me. DH was very hands on with my DS so its been quite hard for him this time as he's not felt able to help. And of course its hard on me too as I'm the one doing all the night wakings & missing all the sleep.

I know now is the wrong time for cc but what can I do in the mean time? She's exhausted, I'm exhausted & I need to be on better form to look after her.

Guess I just have to grit my teeth for a few more days/weeks of no sleep before we try & sort this sorry mess out.

[winchester1]

Could you and her sleep propped up.in your bed, I slept with mine like that in a kind of bear hug when they were ill. With enough pillows its ok.
Your oh could go to the sofa for a few nights off needed.

[FATEdestiny]

I know now is the wrong time for cc but what can I do in the mean time? She's exhausted, I'm exhausted & I need to be on better form to look after her.

The key will be getting her to settle to sleep in the cot.

For my own sanity (and comfort) I would temporarily bring the cot back into my bedroom until this has all passed. But if you want to do this from a chair in her room all though the night, then each to their own. Strikes me as a bit martyr-esque though.

Then it is all about not picking her up, settling in the cot. Accepting she will be upset at not being picked up, but being there for her constantly and calmly. Always reassuring, caring, soothing.

I have never been a fan of stimulating things for this cot settling - so I would have a firm hand reassuringly on her chest/back/shoulders and just stay still (apart fom dummy re-insertion as required). Very occasionally a little finger lift pat and a single, quiet shhhhuuuuussssshhhhhhhh as needed. But mostly just staying still, quite and calm - but ever present through the upset and tears.

Other babies may like shushing, patting, humming, singing, reassuring phrases ("sleep time now, nan night") and these are all fine too. The key is to not pick baby up if at all possible. Do all the comforting and reassuring in the cot. Always being there. Always caring and empathising. But being consistent.

[omama]

Fate I am in no way trying to be a martyr. Cannot easily put the cot in my room & dont really see what that in itself would achieve since its the one place she does not want to be. Whether its in her room or ours, I wouldnt be in bed myself whilst i deal with her crying so there's not much point as far as I can see.

winchester I've tried again tonight to lay her in our bed to sleep (after she woke crying), she's thrashed & rolled & grabbed & climbed quietly for almost 2 hours - no sleep for either of us, so I've brought her back down to her cot & she started crying the instant she went back in. She was completely fine in our room, no tears at all. Which makes me think I have no option but tough love right now, regardless of whether she may still be poorly as it seems to me its all about her wanting to sleep in my arms instead of in bed. She's missing a good 3 hours of sleep per night like this & its no good for her or me for this to continue.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Can you postpone the tough love until you can see the doctor and make sure she is physically OK?

Also they get big molar teeth at this age, and separation anxiety, which passes

[fluffikins]

Have you tried putting her mattress on the floor, out of the cot? That way you could hold her and night by night gradually get to a lying down position with her. Eventually she'll be sleeping on the mattress and you can slowly, night by night start sleeping further away from her until she doesn't need you. Because the mattress is on the floor you can then move away from her and leave rather than having to transfer or move her.

At the same time you could introduce a soft toy or blanket for her to hold?

[HalfStar]

Hi omama!

You poor thing and poor dd too. fluffikins's suggestion could work, or as a short term measure when dd2 has been ill we have been able to eventually get her to settle on our bed kind of propped on top of a couple of pillows by very gently lying her down and kind of staying close for a few minutes before withdrawing. I think the no cry sleep solution has good tips on getting a baby into a cot, probably intended for cosleepers or babies who have only ever fed to sleep but it could work for your dd.. On the other hand it could well be stuff you've tried already!

It does sound hard I really sympathise. Maybe if you decide to do tough love (after getting her checked over by GP) a sleep consultation might help if your finances can stretch to it...Sometimes it's good to have a plan to implement from an expert outside source.

Hope you all get some sleep soon

[Writerwannabe83]

I did CC under the guidance of a Sleep Specialist and I went in at intervals of 2, 4, and 8 minutes. I was advised to use the bare minimum interaction and to definitely not pick him up. I would go in to him, place my hands under his armpits to lie him back down gently, tell him it was bedtime (lovingly but firmly) and then leave the room.