HELP TODDLER WON"T STAY IN ROOM AT NIGHT

[nola13]

Happy New Year everyone. This is my first message on mumsnet.
My son is 2 years old and has been walking into our bedroom at 4am every night since September. He asks for milk and then tries to sleep on my face. Quite literally. He does a lot of kicking and won't stop until he gets his milk. I have decided to start sleep training him again. He won't stay in his room ( he climbs out of cots and gates) and I'm considering Dr. Green's "patent rope trick method" . Have any of you tried it? U tie a rope on the inside handle of his door and across to another door so that toddler cannot come out. Would really appreciate your feedback. My son is strong willed and very attached to me. THANK U!

[Haggisfish]

We put a stair gate across bedroom door.

[ChubbyPolecat]

I'm no expert but there must be kinder ways of sleep training other than tying their door shut

[Haggisfish]

Yes, just to clarify-we still went to ds when he woke up but the gate meant he couldn't get out and cause mischief quietly!

[Ifiwasabadger]

Put the side back on the cot? Otherwise, stair gate for sure.

[Jesabel]

Tying the door shut sounds dangerous - what if you struggle to get to him in a fire?

If he can climb over a standard stair gate, you can get taller ones designed for pets.

[Pipistrella]

Jesus please don't do this, it sounds barbaric. I think it was actually a joke, not a serious method?

He won't understand and could get very upset.

You are the grown ups in this situation. Please think of something else or maybe just accept that sometimes a 2yo will need his mummy in the night?

Once a night isn't so awful.

[Pipistrella]

Or you could try a cage! Don't create a situation where a 2yo is trying to climb over a stair gate in the middle of the night.

It sounds like you are continually trying to keep him away from you - so it isn't surprising if he is 'attached'.

It's reverse psychology - if you allow him to be near you then he is far mrore likely to leave you alone.

[DesertOrDessert]

If he can climb out of his cot, please don't put the sides back on.
Likewise, if he can climb a stand are stairgate, take it down.
A pet one is a possibility.
If you tie his door handle to yours, how are you going to get out of your bedroom?

I'd give an extra snack before bed, and when he wakes, take him back to bed, telling him its night time, and he needs to wait for breakfast in the morning. You could also leave a cup of water next to his bed if you think he is thirsy, and not just wanting company.
Tell him what you are doing and why. It's amazing what they understand at this age.

[Pipistrella]

Mine wouldnt be able to cope with a cup of water by his bed, he would need my help - he half wakes and isn't very capable in that state.

He would be miserably confused by a door not opening, he would collapse in tears.

This thread is so sad. I can't believe people dislike their children so much as to do this sort of thing to them.

[Pipistrella]

I don't mean you, Desert. You are trying to help.

I just can't imagine trying to keep my little boy away from me all night, like he was some sort of intruder.

[Ifiwasabadger]

Yep, that's it, I really really hate my child, and that's why the side of the cot is still on my 2 year olds bed....Jesus wept.

[Pipistrella]

Ok, well that's good if I'm misinterpreting your posts. Please give us a bit more information to go on - really was your rope suggestion a joke or did you mean it?

It was difficult to tell.

[Pipistrella]

Oh you're not the OP

[TotalConfucius]

If him coming into your room is a real no-no in your house (for many it's not), Put a stair gate at his bedroom door. You will have to go into him when you hear noise. No lights, no chitchat just back into bed with a firmish 'sleeping time now'. Have a lidded cup handy with some fresh water if he asks for a drink (prepare it with the bedtime drink and put it on a shelf in his room ready). Take your dressing gown with you and once he is settled again leave the dressing gown near him so that if he half wakes up again he thinks you are nearby.
I didn't go for toddler beds etc. Once mine were out of cots, they went into a large bed with the legs cut down so it was very low to the floor, that way if they were having a bad night I could hop in till they were totally settled, then go back to my own bed leaving my dressing gown there for comfort. I took the view that as long as everyone in the house was getting adequate rest and sleep, I didn't care where they were sleeping. However, I did not want toddlers wandering the house during the night - mostly because mine were full of mischief and were likely to decide to make themselves tea and toast!
I have read the Dr Green books, they were very entertaining and gave us a good laugh but tying doors shut with bits of rope, and chaining up the fridge are not realistic options here.

[Jesabel]

Yeah, I really hate my kids too. To punish them I expect them to stay in their own beds all night and if they want a drink of water they have to lift a cup themselves. Don't know why I bothered having them to be honest, when I'm so selfish I actually want to have a good night's sleep!

[TotalConfucius]

Plus this is probably one of the commonest issues on mumsnet, have a good look at other threads and there's a plethora of stuff to try, most of which doesn't involve rope. The rope actually involves you having to listen to the toddler yanking on the door, drying and fussing and waking himself up to a point where any further sleep for anyone in the house is impossible, everyone in the house is awake and distressed, and you end up taking the young one downstairs anyway.

[Seeyounearertime]

TotalConfucius

Seconded.
Excellent post iimss.

[kate1516]

We had this too. Honestly we tried lots of things and not sure if it was what we did or he just outgrow it. He is 2.5 now.

Mainly we just always walked him back to bed. Mine didn't want milk, he just wanted to get up so we made his bedtime half an hour later.

We also tried a groclock. He loves that now and it works a trwat at keeping him in bed but wouldn't have worked at two as he didn't speak and comprehend enough.

[BeStrongAndCourageous]

We have a thing over DD's door knob - it's like a plastic ball you put over it and it works like childproof caps on bottles. We got it off Amazon.

DD isn't in the habit of nighttime wandering but as she'd have to cross the top of the stairs in the dark to get to our room it's in her best interest to make sure she can't. We tried putting a stair gate over the top of the stairs but that just ended up with me going arse over tit over it in the middle of the night

[nola13]

The rope suggestion is actually not about keeping the door entirely shut but allows him to see outside (light in the hallway and his room) without having access to the outside of his room. It's the same idea as a gate, with the difference that the child cannot climb out of it. It's actually recommended by Dr. Green in "new toddler taming" . Green is the same pediatrician who came up with the controlled crying method which is used by most of the moms I know including myself when my child was a bit younger but not a newborn. I understand why the idea of a rope seems brutal, but we're talking about something that essential props the door open without allowing the kid out. My child has not been sleeping in his bed for four months and I am sleep deprived and worried. No need for aggressive comments!

[Pipistrella]

If it's for their own safety then of course.

I just think as Total said that it will cause a huge amount of disruption and it's just so not necessary, as long as by leaving their room they won't end up at the bottom of the stairs.

Once a night at two years old seems very mild in terms of 'problems'. They usually grow out of it.

[insancerre]

Jeez, toddlers don't need taming
They need parents who understand its a normal stage of their development

[timelytess]

I think you need to look at it from his point of view. He's small, he's alone, he wants company, he knows where you are, he comes to you. He's doing exactly the right thing for his survival and comfort.

Thinking of using ropes on door-handles?
If I told you what I really think, I'd be banned from MN.
Have some mercy on your child and keep him with you until he's big enough to want to be alone.

[Pipistrella]

Well quite

Jesabel - if you do indeed want to sleep all night then yes, I wonder why you had children!

[TotalConfucius]

Not being aggressive (if you were referring to me).
Actually, I think the rope thing is targeted more towards not settling at bedtime, rather than in the middle of the night. All you will get at 3am with that technique is yanking at the door, screaming, and a load of hysterics. What you need In the middle of the night is calm, quiet, peaceful returns to bed with the overriding atmosphere being one of 'oh sod it, then I'll go back to sleep, there's nothing interesting going on here'.
My toddler years began in 1995 and continued till 2004 and I really feel the best approach is 'is everyone comfortable and sleeping? Well, the family wins!' It all sorts itself out in the end.