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9 month old, I'm so tired, I don't want to Co sleep anymore

(16 Posts)
LongHairDontCare Sun 03-Jan-16 08:56:02

After Co sleeping with DS from 6 months to 2 years, I always said I wouldn't ever do it again. The DD came along and I was too tired so she pretty much ended up in bed with me from birth if she wouldn't settle.

Now I am craving my own space, she rolls and fidgets and I'm waking with backache, neck ache etc.

She wakes in the night and stands up in her cot crying, she just won't settle unless I put her in bed with us. She doesn't have set naps. She does have a really good bedtime routine, is in bed between 7 - 730pm, sleeps soundly until about 10ish when she starts the standing up thing. After maybe 3 or 4 times of laying her back down she settles again until any time after 12am and that's when she comes in with us. I don't even know where to start, does anyone have advice? I'm so tired. Neither of my children have ever been good sleepers, DS can still wake up up to 10 times a night on a awful night. I'm starting to think it's me!

Any help is much appreciated

AtrociousCircumstance Sun 03-Jan-16 09:01:53

I'm afraid you have to set aside a few days/nights when you grasp the nettle and face the additional fatigue of committing to settling her in her cot all night until morning.

If you have a dp then put your heads together and work out a schedule where you share this and sub each other, so you both get as much rest as possible.

If there's some crying then grit your teeth and keep going in and out. We only left our Dcs to cry for a minute or two at a time, just kept going in and out and reassuring.

Good luck!

LongHairDontCare Sun 03-Jan-16 09:40:13

Thank you! This was so much easier to do when I didn't have DC1 to worry about.. Now if I leave the room to settle her upstairs he constantly shouts for me and wakes her

AtrociousCircumstance Sun 03-Jan-16 13:00:37

Yes it's so hard with two isn't it! Can drive you crazy! It will work though. Just a real test to your resources while doing it...!

Pipistrella Sun 03-Jan-16 13:04:52

How about having her nearer to you to start with?

It sounds like all that fuss and battling is for the same reason - she wants to be near you.

If you give her that you're likely to get a lot more sleep iyswim?

Why fight it.

Pipistrella Sun 03-Jan-16 13:06:23

I mean a bedside cot or putting her cot next to your bed or something.

Co sleeping is difficult for some people, esp if you have two adults in the bed and a child as well.

I found having a child in a different room was what killed me.

LongHairDontCare Sun 03-Jan-16 14:05:29

Her cot is next to the bed, I can put my arm through the bars to her and she can see me, she just wants to be ON me. The bedside cot wouldn't work as she is standing and crawling, she would crawl off the bed if she woke and I wasn't there. I like having child free evenings when they are in bed as it's the only break we get.

Thanks for replying smile

FATEdestiny Sun 03-Jan-16 14:16:18

It's fair enough not wanting to co-sleep, I never did either. Like you I had baby's cot next to me (and as a sidecar cot when tiny) until they were sleeping through, in order to save my sanity.

Could daytime naps be what is resulting in poor night time sleep? Good sleep promotes better sleep after all. Maybe structuring her daytime naps and establishing them a in the cot will help?

At 9 months old I would be hoping for 2 or 3 naps per day - two naps of 90-120m and then an occasional additional teatime powernap when needed.

Pipistrella Sun 03-Jan-16 17:59:28

I'm sorry I'm not much help. Short of some sort of 'sleep training' method I don't really know what to suggest.

I am sorry you are struggling.

LongHairDontCare Mon 04-Jan-16 08:35:55

You are help! I think I just wanted a magical easy tip that doesn't exist grin

She doesn't even nap for half that time FATE. She'll only nap if I rock her to sleep then wakes after 30 mins. Frustrating as she could definitely do with better naps, especially in the morning but she falls asleep in the pushchair while taking DS to nursery and then wakes up when we are home even if I leave her in the pushchair asleep. Do you think it'd be better to take her out and resettle her into her cot?

Last night she did 7 30pm to 3am in her cot, with no wake ups! That was amazing, but frustrating as I know she can do it

Pipistrella Mon 04-Jan-16 10:22:34

That sounds cool smile

Try and remind yourself that if there's one predictable thing about babies, it's that they are totally unpredictable - habits and patterns will change from week to week, which can be a good thing and can be quite bad!


Good luck with it all. I'm relieved not to be having any more after this one...

steppemum Mon 04-Jan-16 10:34:02

I had a bit of a mantra with mine to get them to stay in bed until a reasonable time in the morning.

I had something that was their sleep cue. With ds it was a dummy and then a teddy, dd1 had a muslin cloth and dd2 had a small teddy cloth thing.

i would lie them down and say, 'it isn't morning time, you need to sleep' and tuck their sleeptime thing in with them. And repeat, and not be to anxious if they cry a bit, which they did because they wanted to get out of the cot.
reassure, repeat, reassure, repeat.

It took 2-3 nights for each of them. One was waking at 5 am, and we switched it to 7 am. One was waking every hour through the night, and so on.

But you have to decide before you begin that you can do it and then stick to your guns, because once you give in, they learn that shout louder and you get what you want.

FATEdestiny Mon 04-Jan-16 11:45:44

Do you think it'd be better to take her out and resettle her into her cot?

It generally isn't easy to re-settle back to sleep when woken from being asleep. I would struggle doing this with my DD and she's a good sleeper.

Better would be to try and keep her awake for the nursery run. Just until better nap times are established. Either go in the car so that journey time is shorter, or have her sat up in the pushchair and keep disturbing/engaging her.

Then settle to sleep in the cot when you get home.

I would stay in the room with her when she naps (at least initially) so that you were there to resettle as soon as she stirs.

Stop rocking to sleep at this age and work on her settling to sleep in the cot and staying in the cot. Shush, pat, tickle, stroke, firm reassuring hand on chest/back, whisper repeated things like "sleep time now, nan night" (or whatever), sing, hum - not all of the above just whatever works for you and your DD.

Every time she sits up, lie her back down (a firm reassuring hand on chest helps to reaffirm the need to stay still and lie down to sleep). Every time she stands, lie her down and repeat the same thing - "sleep time now, nan night".

Keep going but the key thing is don't pick her up out of the cot and stay right there reassuring her until she (finally) falls asleep. Much easier and less tears to do this using a dummy, but 9 months is realistically too late to introduce one now.

LongHairDontCare Mon 04-Jan-16 18:57:16

She does have a dummy, but no set times for it. I think I might take that away unless it's sleep/nap time, so we can use it as a sleep cue. Thanks for that idea.

Nearly bed time so I think we will do bath, bottle and then into cot awake and I'll sing twinkle twinkle. Hoping if I do the same thing every night she will get it, then do the same thing in the middle of the night too (which will be 10x harder as I'm so tired/worried about her waking ds/the neighbours!)

We don't have a car for nursery runs, naps are what I'm worried about because ds is only at nursery 3 hours a morning, not enough time to settle her for a decent nap and the afternoons ds shouts/calls for me! Hopefully once she learns to go to sleep herself, naps will be easier.

FATEdestiny Mon 04-Jan-16 20:26:00

Restricting dummy to the cot only is great. My DD (15 months) just has a dummy attached to her sleeping bag and that's now the only time she has a dummy. But I did it gradually. I allowed free use of dummy up to 6 months old (when all babies need a lot of comfort) and then from 6-12 months it was a gradual reduction and limiting the use of the dummy with the aim that by 12 months it was restricted to sleep time only.

So at 9 months I wouldn't personally make the immediate change to dummy only being for in the cot. But I would certainly have started to aim towards that as a final outcome.

LongHairDontCare Mon 04-Jan-16 22:44:32

I don't plan on it being just the for the cot but for places she might like to sleep like in the car/pram. Just not at home when she's crawling about! Which she does because I'm rubbish

Thanks for all your help, she went into the cot awake and I patted her back and stroked her face until she was asleep. She's only woken once so far, now just to be strong tonight!

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