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Controlled Crying

(106 Posts)
clurina32 Wed 30-Dec-15 20:43:44

OK, please don't judge, but its got to the point where we are going to use the cc method to help our 6.5 month old sleep through. She has 3 meals a day, plenty of milk and water and a HUGE bottle before bed. It gets to 10/11pm and things go down hill from there, wakings every 2 hrs sometimes more. She uses a dummy and that used to work to settle her back, but we've fallen into the bottle trap and now she just yells 'til she gets it. Been like this for weeks now. I am not coping with the sleep deprivation, its driving me mental. I have a husband who works very long hours and i'm on my own quite often at night until the wee hours when he gets back. I need to improve things for my own sanity!! I am nervous about this. My husband has booked some time off work and my 3yr old is going to stay with his cousins so we can spend a few nights trying cc. I would really like to hear from anyone who has succeeded with cc - tips, positivity, ANYTHING!! Please tell me how it worked for you and that i'll never look back!!!

CottonSock Wed 30-Dec-15 20:58:21

It works, Just stay strong and think of the long term benefits. I was a much better mummy after sleep. And, don't read too much posted by people anti cc, a lot of rubbish is written (imo), take it with a pinch of salt. Are you thinking of quitting the dummy now as well? I just ask because she might get confused if you respond with dummy, but I'm just curious really as we didn't have one to think about. My problems were using boob to sleep. Which was fine until it was every 45 min. I ended up with anxiety from sleep deprivation. I did it in stages, starting with bed time, then night waking, moving to later wake ups. Next time I will try my very best to get good sleep habits from the start
(Until it happens, then I'll do whatever works that moment ;)

CottonSock Wed 30-Dec-15 21:01:02

I remember this blog I found brilliant at the time

SparklyTinselTits Wed 30-Dec-15 21:04:39

Once you've exhausted all the possibilities of hunger, wind, teething, illness etc, CC does work. We did it with our DD when she was 7mo. (I say controlled crying, but it was more like controlled "leave to fuck about in her cot"hmm she never actually cried) She's 8mo now and sleeping through 7:30pm to 6:30am.
We did the usual bedtime routine with a 9oz bottle, and put her down. If she didn't fall asleep, we would leave her for 2 minutes, then go in and do the whole "sash-pat" thing until she calmed, then left the room. The next time she started, we left her for 4 minutes and did shh-pat again. The next time we left her for 6 mins, and so on and so on. We never got past 10 mins before she gave up the ghost.
The first day or two was really tough. It was so hard for me to not go in there, pick her up and rock her to sleep! But I stuck to my guns and she started falling asleep on her own smile

Good Luck OP!!

clurina32 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:15:05

thnk you so much for your replies! She is fine going to sleep at 7pm when she goes to bed. I just tuck her in, kiss good night and she goes off on her own no problem. Its the night wakings that are the problem. I am so anxious about noise, she can get pretty loud and I worry about my 3yr old waking (he didn't sleep through until he was 14 months and is currently going through phase of nightmare - just to add to the mix!) I guess with the 'middle of the night crying' I just have to remain strong and not give in right? Cotton Sock thanks for the blog i'll have a look at that. I also agree with you that I know i'll be such a better mummy if I could just get some more sleep. My daughter is such a happy little thing during the day and I want to enjoy her more rather than feel so low and tired. How long did it take to work for you?

clurina32 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:17:40

also the dummy thing does worry me. Will it make cc a futile process? My son still used a dummy when he slept through though so I guess it is possible for them to sleep through and use a dummy?

Doboopedoo Wed 30-Dec-15 21:21:20

How does she go to sleep at night? The reason I ask is we were putting 5 month old down with dummy.....worked well at first and she settled with it and slept all night, but then four month sleep regression hit and she woke hourly moaning to get it back in. Also had random night wakings where she just wanted to chat-they were possibly a different issue though. However I worked out that because she was going down with the dummy, every time she work she wanted it to be there. Not too bad when she's in the room with me but I didn't want to be walking through to her room to replugging constantly....

So, Sunday night, I put her down without dummy, and did pick up put down with lots of shushing and hand on stomach in between. The longest has been 15 minutes of crying in total (but calming her by picking up in this, around ten times the first night). Last night we had no tears at all and she put herself to sleep - and slept all night with no need for settling or dummy! I never thought I'd let her cry but the total time she has done it for is less than we would have been up in those nights, and we're all happier for having slept better. Good luck with it if you do it X

SparklyTinselTits Wed 30-Dec-15 21:22:20

My DD sleeps through with a dummy. She picks it up and puts it in her own mouth now though.
It took us about 5/6 days for her to sleep through

YouBastardSockBalls Wed 30-Dec-15 21:26:25

6.5 months is quite young to sleep through isn't it?

clurina32 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:27:14

Hmm Doboopedoo, you've got me thinking now that maybe if we're going to do this CC thing we should just not bother with the dummy too. I guess whats the point if we're teaching her to self settle? I'll have a think about that one!
SparklyTinselTits - god I hope i'm strong enough for 5/6 days. Thanks for your positivity - I know we have to do this!!

trilbydoll Wed 30-Dec-15 21:28:13

I've got a 7m old waking 2 hourly as well, I feel like I've been lied to, she self settles but it wasn't the magic answer to longer sleeps?!

I always worry that she is actually hungry, that's my problem. Even though she has reserves grin

DD1 had a dummy and I have spent hours of my life patting the bed looking for it when she lost it during the night, I wish we got rid of it way earlier than we did. If she goes down to sleep okay it might be worth a try?

clurina32 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:29:39

YouBastardSockBalls - there seems to be a lot of people on here trying the CC method at 6 months. Our daughter will be 7 months when we give it a go. Even if we can get her down to 1 or 2 wakings in the night that would be a vast improvement!!

clurina32 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:34:05

trilbydoll - I know what you mean. I am thinking along the lines of, well if she's waking because shes hungry the CC method won't work. So i'll see how it goes and if it doesn't work then I guess shes just one hungry bubba! She has 3 meals plus usual intake of milk during day though so I am not sure that she can be that hungry to warrant so many night wakings?! I am not sure that its her teeth either as quite often when I go into her the shouting stops and I get smiles and kicky legs!

Frustratedmummy79 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:34:33

We're in the same situation - started CC 3 nights ago. We also have a 3 year old and we're doing this mainly for his benefit as he's shattered from constant disturbed nights and he's not getting the best from us either because we're knackered all the time too. Felt awful on first night as she cried for over an hour. We went in every 5 mins as I felt too guilty. Last night she only woke once for a feed (I felt that trying to reduce her from 2+ feeds a night down to 0 all at once wasn't really fair) with no other significant crying. It's hard but I'm focussing on the whole family benefitting from this. Good luck!

ScarletBegonia1234 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:35:56

My ds had been waking 2 hourly since 4 months (co sleeping and bf) I finally reached the end of my tether last night (he is 8 months) and we did cc.I was dreading it and had put it off but I'm back at work next week.

He cried for total 20 mins at 7pm and then slept through til 6!he stirred a few times in the night but self settled and tonight went to sleep without a peep. We have had less crying than a normal night! I can't believe how painless it was actually but I do think he was ready for it. He already self settled sometimes at bedtime so I knew he could do it and the last month it seemed I was making him more cross then comfortin him. Good luck!

clurina32 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:40:38

Frustratedmummy79 - I feel your pain. Its so reassuring to hear from people in exactly the same situation though! I really hope its successful for you. My 3yr old is a sensitive little soul. We are constantly creeping around in the middle of the night trying not to wake him. If I hear her as much as squeak i'm ready to dash to her room just to get her back to sleep. I think i'm the problem to be honest! I am really hoping that not having my 3yr old around will give me the confidence to leave her longer and she might surprise us by dropping off quite quickly. ONE CAN LIVE IN HOPE!

Padget Wed 30-Dec-15 21:40:45

I found the biggest thing I learnt when doing CC was that I listened to my daughter more. I learnt when she was crying and when she was just grumbling/moaning. That really helped me to know when to go to her, instead of the knee jerk reaction to run to her the second I heard a noise. It really worked for us, straight away, and she thrives on a routine so it was the best thing to do. Trust yourself. Good luck smile

clurina32 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:43:34

wow ScarletBegonia1234, well done you that really does sound like my dream scenario. I really hope mine is ready for it. I'm going back to work part time in a couple of months so really need this to work too.

Frustratedmummy79 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:53:48

We've been the same - trying to not disturb the 3 year old but I think in actual fact we've made the problem worse by not giving her chance to self settle. We've taken the view point that a few really bad nights over the Christmas holidays to sort this out will ultimately benefit him in the longer term - short term pain for long term gain!!! We can really see the difference in him when he's tired, behaviour deteriorates and everything is a battle as he just doesn't have the energy to be reasonable about anything so everything is bloody hard work! Fingers crossed for everyone - I think CC is more common than anyone admits!!!

clurina32 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:58:58

yes we are totally in the same boat. I'd be very interested to hear how you get on Frustratedmummy79!! We will be trying it out in a couple of weeks. If I could get 4 indisturbed hours of sleep I would feel like we've accomplished something....sleep deprivation is the worst sad

bonzo77 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:59:13

We did it with our oldest at 6 months. He's been a perfect sleeper since (he's 5). DS 2 was/is a stubborn little character. I also had PND with him. To my shame we actually did CIO much earlier than recommended, around 12 weeks. He's not quite as consistently good at sleeping as his big brother, but aged 3 is pretty good: always self settles, and if he wakes in the night only needs a moments reassurance. Ds3 is 17 weeks and is more like my oldest. We will do CC as soon as he is 6 months, if he needs it (probably will to deal with night wakings, though he may still have a dream feed for a while).

Personally I would go cold turkey on the dummy at the same time. Get the pain over with. We did with ds2 and will with ds3. Ds1 didn't have a dummy. Instead he had to take a clean muslin to bed with him. He still does blush but he's agreed to give it to the tooth fairy when she comes for the first time.

clurina32 Wed 30-Dec-15 22:02:23

bonzo77 I think you're right about the dummy. To be honest she's not as attached to it as my son was at her age. I think it does calm her down initially though at bedtime. We'll give it a go!

Nanofone Wed 30-Dec-15 22:15:43

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Frustratedmummy79 Wed 30-Dec-15 22:16:38

I would agree re getting rid of the dummy. We decided to ditch it as I wasn't sure whether any of the wakings were due to the dummy falling out. It didn't make a massive difference but at least I won't have the problems of getting rid of it at age 3 (we tried about a month ago with my son and I caved and gave it back after repeated nights of waking and crying 😁 - will address that after the CC!!!)

Frustratedmummy79 Wed 30-Dec-15 22:18:22

Well we did quite well to have a supportive discussion for that long before someone barged in and accused us all of child abuse!

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