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Help!!! 7weeks old cries and cries

(17 Posts)
lorza03 Wed 30-Dec-15 19:06:47

Looking for any advise to try anything, me and my partner have a 7week old baby. She has a morning routine at which I give her a wash change her and then feed,also a night routine which is bath,feed and bed. She has unfortunately since being born been handled a lot as she was hospitalised for 10 days then we had lots of visitors and now being Xmas, but I feel she needs to get used to being put down as I can't go on as I am, just feeling so exausted. When ever she is put down she cries I feel as if it's just because she wants to be picked up so I leave her crying for 5 minutes then pat her once settled put her back. But I repeat this process numerous times and fail she eventually goes to sleep but this is after hours of trying. Dooes any one have any suggestions that I could give a go.

Gillian1980 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:08:13

I feel for you as I know how exhausting it is, but I'm afraid its totally normal for such a tiny baby to want to be held and cry when put down.

They like being held close, especially to their mummy. Google the fourth trimester.

7 weeks is really far too early for a routine, self-soothing or any kind of sleep training etc. All you can do is try co-sleeping or sleep in shifts shared with your partner. It will get easier but it may well be a while yet... It was at about 11 weeks that my DD suddenly liked sleeping at night but I know I'm one of the lucky ones!

Gillian1980 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:23:32

I actually found the frustration and unsuccessful attempts to settle DD almost as exhausting as the sleep deprivation. Once I accepted it and went with it rather than trying to change it I felt much happier.

Until about 11 weeks she chose 1am as her bed time, she simply wouldn't settle earlier no matter what. So we went with it, stayed up until 1am every evening together watching films etc. Sometimes I would go off for a sleep and dh cared for DD. She would then wake every 2 hours or so all night.

She fell into her own routine gradually, with no pressure from us and now sleeps 8pm to 9am with no night feeds. Happily goes to sleep alone in her cot.

Please be reassured that it will get better at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later, even if it feels endless now.

ALongTimeComing Wed 30-Dec-15 21:27:10

She's 7 weeks old, she's teenie tiny! She should be cuddled as much as possible. My advice would be to get a stretchy sling and just cuddle her up to you or your partner whilst she's still tiny. That way you have your hands free and she feels snuggled and safe. Especially during the evening which seems to be the most grumpy times.

AliensInUnderpants12 Wed 30-Dec-15 21:46:18

I feel for you, I have two children and I have found the first 12 weeks the hardest! My midwife said to me "you can't spoil a baby", so I would go with whatever is easiest at the moment and don't worry about holding the baby too much or getting the baby to self settle.

I found getting out of the house at least once a day (even just to buy milk) saved my sanity!

Do you have anyone that could take the baby for a walk or something while you grabbed an hours nap?

Frustratedmummy79 Wed 30-Dec-15 22:11:51

I would second the idea of a sling - see if there's a sling library near you where you can borrow different ones to try. I was in the same boat and used a stretchy sling just so I had my hands free to do other things like prepare tea etc. it does get better.
I wouldn't get het up about self settling at this age, she's a bit too young for that yet. I decided that if feeding it cuddling to sleep was what she needed when tiny then that was what I would do. She will now (age 7mo) settle herself for naps in her cot and has done for past few months.
If you have someone who will help, then take the opportunity to get some rest while they have the baby. I know it can feel like admitting you can't cope to ask for help (that's how I felt anyway!) but it really is important and people really do want to help. I know what feeling exhausted is like and it's not fun. It will get better though x

SouthernComforter Thu 31-Dec-15 00:39:43

Mine turned 7 weeks old yesterday. We only have a vague routine - in that he would feed/settle between 11 and midnight (no regular evening baths and he usually dozes downstairs until I go to bed about 10 to feed/cuddle to sleep). However tonight he has been red-faced screaming for over 2 hours and I'm now sniveling in spare room while husband takes over. I think it's wind but just can't get it out of him and now he's overtired too. Dreading tomo (toddler up by 6am, neighbours coming for NY) and the next six days (inlaws invited themselves). Maybe it's a thing at 7/8 weeks?

PeppasNanna Thu 31-Dec-15 06:12:51

I can totally relate to how your feeling I've 6 dc.

I've only encountered 1 child that was in a routine as you describe at 7 weeks. Realistically 12/16 weeks depending on the baby.

Shes not choosing to cry. Shes not demanding to be held. She needs comfort

Relax about the routine. I personally have never left mine to cry (couldnt stand the noise!). It will get better. She will cry less. This time will pass. Dont make it any harder then it has to be.

Blueturquoise Thu 31-Dec-15 06:32:18

Same as pp here . Completely agree baby is looking for comfort.
I think facilitating sleep in what ever way possible in the first 12-16 weeks is the way to go. Up to then they are so so small they don't care where they sleep just just need sleep m, to be ve held and to know mum especially is close.
So use a sling or plonk yourself in front of the Tv or mn and let her sleep on your chest / dh chest (while you catch some zzzzzs - this really works for the first few weeks)
You ll find a lot more settled baby and you can transition to sleeping more and settling earlier in a few weeks more.

Fwiw I think they need more of mum or dad especially after they ve been handled by others.

Also white noise app is a great help with them settling themselves.

My Lo is now 11 weeks (she s my 3 rd baby) she s started to settle herself nicely for day time naps, I found though I need to be holding her regularly so I could identify her cries and knew when she needed sleep versus feeding etc. They are all so different that different little nuances work for each child. My first hated swaddling wrapping or too much blankets (to this day he is the child who wants to wear shorts inndecwmber ) my second loved sling being held and snuggled, guess what she loves cosy blankets and fleecy PJ s
No 3, I m learning- doesn't like sling or being constrained at all, loved sleeping on us for the first while but now cries to be put down once she s fed and got wind up, won't fell asleep on us anymore wants to be in her pram or mists basket but likes white noise or a little rock of the pram. At 7 weeks she would have been sleeping on us until a deep sleep then put into Moses basket when I was going to bed. Also st 7 weeks there was lots and lots of cat napping in the evenings so she would wake for frquent feeds but then she started to stretch out to long sleeps after those cat naps (up until last week she was not settling properly until 11-12 -1 ) she s now settling at 9 in her modes basket ..... I didn't do anything per say
Sorry if that s waffly but I just think you re exhausting yourself pushing a routine she can't physiologically do yet on her. Have a look at the wonder years app it s good - she would be due a developmental leap maybe around now too

Blueturquoise Thu 31-Dec-15 06:35:38

Just to clarify I didnt sleep with baby on my chest she s usually being held or settled by dh or I m holding feeding and dh is sleeping and once the evening craziness passes and she fell into a deep sleep we woudk out her in the noses basket, I co slept nights she was going through growth spurts (dh in sore room)

SouthernComforter Thu 31-Dec-15 07:15:51

Blueturquoise thanks, that's useful for me to know as my 7wo cat naps in the eve and doesn't really settle until between 11pm and 1am. He sleeps well when he actually goes down (in a sleepyhead next to me, husband is in spare room and does the early mornings with our 2.5yo. Not looking forward to him going back to work next week!).

Cuppaand2biscuits Thu 31-Dec-15 07:26:03

How was the birth? Has baby always been unsettled when being put down? I ask because I know many people who have had their lives transformed after taking baby to visit a cranial osteopath.

Nanofone Thu 31-Dec-15 07:37:03

It's exhausting but not at all unusual. Try googling Sarah Ockwell Smith and The Fourth Trimester - I found it a real eye opener, and it changed the way I felt about the situation.

upthewolves Thu 31-Dec-15 12:24:05

Hi OP. My DD is 4 months but we had no routine at all until about 12 weeks and no success in attempting to put her into one. I had all the same issues and I totally feel for you because it was so so exhausting but I found it best just to go with it. My DD, for some reason, slept best at that age from about 7am in the morning to about 11am, as long as she was in the bed next to me. So my DH would sneak out to work every morning leaving her in the bed with me. I think it is best to just go with their routine at that age.

Does she sleep in a moses basket? We found our DD wasn't great in the basket - it helped to warm it with a hot water bottle, but it only helped a bit. At 8 weeks we tried her in the cot and she slept much better.

You aren't doing anything wrong, this is just what young babies are like. You will get through it! At about 12 weeks mine just fell into a routine of falling asleep earlier and actually staying asleep for the night (just waking for feeds). Just give her the comfort she needs for now... it will get better!

lorza03 Thu 31-Dec-15 13:27:17

The birth was very normal. Natural. No drugs involved and she was delivered within 1 hour of going to hospital

lorza03 Thu 31-Dec-15 13:35:53

@upthewloves she's in a moses basket next to me. I've tried using a hot water bottle abd even my jumper on the bottom so it smells of me. But no real success. I've co-slept a few times and she does seem to prefer this. Just worries incase anything bad happened. My partner has a 7 and 5 yr old to and his patients with dd is 0% and this is my first baby. He keeps saying she should be able to be put down as be ok..and we were taking it in turns a5 night and I'd take over at 1pm. But just recently my gut instinct feels my partner just gets to stressed and that's passing over to baby. Then I can't settle because of how I feel. I feel that what I do my partner doesn't agree . I think maybe a discussion may help. I live in hope that soon it will get better

AliensInUnderpants12 Thu 31-Dec-15 15:43:46

Hmm..one thing I've learnt is that no two babies are the same and shouldn't be compared!

As the babies get older they do sleep for longer stretches of time. I found my friends babies seemed to sleep through the night for 12+ hours at 12 weeks old, but DS didn't sleep through the night until around 5 months old, and DD was around 6 months old.

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