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Help! Beyond exhausted with early wakening twin

(16 Posts)
Vedamakesthebesttoast Mon 28-Dec-15 10:35:11

And breathe....

I'm fucking knackered... My husband is fucking knackered and my marriage and life are slowly being eroded by general exhaustion.

I have 14 mo twins. One is a dream and sleeps from half seven give or take till seven or quarter past most nights with may one or two wake up before midnight when she's lost her dodo. The other is a nightmare and I'm losing the will to live. He goes down the same time as his sister, but wakes up SCREAMING, proper screaming like a feckin banshee every morning without fail at 5. He is inconsolable and the only thing to do is get up with him. He then spends the next couple of hours whinging and being knackered until he takes a nap. Can be anywhere from half an hour after he's woken to not taking a nap till he passes out at maybe ten in the morning.
We have NO morning routine which I fucking HATE. Sometimes DS will take a nap before breakfast which means DD has to either wait till he gets up or I have to do two separate breakfasts. I don't know when I'm going to get a shower or get dressed. It's a mess.
I'm crap in the morning. Can't cope with the early wake up so my husband gets up with DS and I do all the night time wake ups and then at least know I can sleep uninterrupted till seven when DD wakes.
DD takes an afternoon nap between 12 and 1 and sleeps for anywhere between an hour and a half to two hours and a quarter. DS takes a nap around the same time but it depends on what he's done in the morning and can take ages to settle, he also wakes up screaming from his afternoon nap.
Please can someone tell me what I'm doing wrong? Or at least tell me it'll get better (soon!! Please god soon)
He's always knackered looking, place with bags under his eyes, and although he's a lovely happy little guy when he's in bad form he's just on constant whine mode and when I'm sleep deprived it goes right through me.
They both eat well. 8oz bottle in the morning, followed by breakfast (some time depending on nap for DS) then lunch about half eleven twelvish, 8oz bottle after afternoon nap. Dinner about half five. Bedtime bottle 8oz at seven then bed time with story and lights out (I sit with them till they go over)
Any ideas?

FATEdestiny Mon 28-Dec-15 12:45:20

I just wanted to check, they are 14 months old, not weeks?

In that case, why the dummy runs for DD. she should Beale to find her own dummy now. Or not waking at all. I just think if you sort her (the easy one) then you'll have more energy to tackle DS.

I have ribbons sewn onto the chest of sleeping bags with press studs sewn at end if ribbon. Dummy permanently attached. This means a sweeping hand under chin finds ribbon, which finds dummy to put back in. A 14mo shouldn't need help to do this.

Are they in the same room? They could well be disturbing each other.

Your DS needs to not be hit up at 5.30. What you describe suggests he's still tired and actually just needs to find a way to go back to sleep.

Every child is different (as you know!) but if this was my 15mo DD in the early morning I would nappy change (cos my DD finds it hard to settle in a full, heavy nappy), warm the morning bottle and give it then (in dark room), check she is not too cold (as can happen early morning - a pair of socks can help thus at night) and then put back to bed safe in knowledge that she is all ok and then ignore.

FATEdestiny Mon 28-Dec-15 12:47:44

Your DS needs to not be hit got up at 5.30 (auto correct and fat fingers on my phone!)

CadburysTastesVileNow Mon 28-Dec-15 12:50:37

Is he having a pooh or wind at 5? Sounds as if something is actively waking him if he's so upset

whatithink Mon 28-Dec-15 12:51:43

I had this with twins. One was a dream sleeper and one was terrible. As per previous poster, can I just check, if they are 14 mo isn't that too much milk they are having now (sorry It's been a a long time, I can't really remember), just thinking if it is, maybe he is hungry. Afternoon naps had definitely gone by 2 years old for us, and never really lasted more than an hour anyway.

Vedamakesthebesttoast Mon 28-Dec-15 13:04:36

Hi fate, thank you for taking the time to reply.
Yes they're 14 months, sorry should have been clearer
Most nights dd is fine and can find her dodo again but just sometimes it'll drop out of the cot. I'm too scared to put any type of ribbons on her dodos to honest, she's a really active sleeper and moves around a lot, so I'd be terrified of her getting tangled somehow. I think I might put an wiretap on her cot so the dodos can't fall out and see it that helps.

They are in he same room but we don't have any other options as there are no more bedrooms. When they're sick we always take the sickest one into our room in the travel cot to minimise the distrust ion for the other, but apart from that we don't speed ate them and having one in with us permanently isn't really an option.

If love not to get him up at 5.30, it's usually 5 though but we have tried everything I can think of. I tried wake to sleep, so gone in at half four and semi roused him and then let him go back to sleep... Sometimes worked but only ever slept for 45 mins from goi g back over of ee just decided to get up at half four. We've tried getting him up giving him a bottle and then tried to get him back to sleep on the sofa with us downstairs in the dark with no lights etc. I've tried not giving him the bottle and just getting up with him and rocking him back to sleep downstairs (in case he's started waking for the bottle iykwim). We've tried later bedtime, which just resulted in an over tired baby who cried for ages going to sleep and then woke up earlier anyway. I've tried co sleeping with him when I'm ready to go to bed by just bringing him in with me and dh asleep on the spare bed in my studio. I'm not trying to be facetious by listing everything we've tried just trying to let you know what we've ruled out already.

God I'm just so fecking knackered. It's turning me into a bad parent as I literally have no energy to play with them and just look forward to nap time so I can get some peace. I so have pnd which doesn't help and certainly isn't helped by having such interrupted sleep


Vedamakesthebesttoast Mon 28-Dec-15 13:08:07

X posts with you cadburys and whati

No poo, maybe wind but not sure what I can do about that, and why won't he settle after?

Whati, I've tried to drop the afternoon bottle but there was a shit storm, he litey screams when he wakes up from his nap till he gets it. Also he's not been great at eating the last wee while so I'm loathe to drop his milk as I feel that at least he's getting something.

RamblingRedRose Mon 28-Dec-15 13:12:35

7.30pm to 5am really doesn't sound that bad. My youngest is also an early riser so I'm just used to it now. I usually go to bed at 10pm though. Are you going to bed late? I know babies that sleep 11pm to 4am so what you have doesn't sound awful.

Buttercup27 Mon 28-Dec-15 13:19:53

Could you force a routine during the day to try and set his body clock.
Maybe try waiting until dd is up the giving them both breakfast at the same time. No morning nap (it will be he'll at first) then both down after lunch (you might be able to catch up on sleep too) . Then normal bedtime.
It might be worth a try.

GenevaMaybe Mon 28-Dec-15 13:22:32

You need to cut his morning nap altogether and aim for one nap of about 2 hours at about 12. Easier said than done I know...
Start with 30 mins at 9.30
Then 20 mins at 9.40
15 at 9.45
10 mins at 9.50
Then cut it completely. He should start waking later and later. Morning nap is directly linked to early morning waking

llhj Mon 28-Dec-15 13:31:30

That's a lot of milk to be having at 14 months. Could he be hungry for more food in the day and the milk is suspressing the daily appetite iykwim.
I would start cutting back milk and provide more substantial food.

Nanofone Mon 28-Dec-15 13:59:04

You'll hear lots of well meaning advice but the truth is that there's nothing you can do to change a child who is wired to wake early. Your only option is to change your behaviour and responses - go to bed early and don't expect him to wake up later. Eventually he'll grow out of it. X

Getyercoat Mon 28-Dec-15 15:07:19

I had one of these.

I had four dummies on the four paws and DS could find it himself no problem.

It's extremely hard with PND and lack of sleep.

bigkidsdidit Mon 28-Dec-15 15:11:52

One of mine was like this too. I'm sorry to say nothing I did worked. He just grew out of it and when he was 2 ish we got a gro clock which solved all the problems.

I found me stressing out about it was upsetting me more than the actual early mornings - so I gave in and resigned myself. Put a film on and gave him crackers and apple slices for breakfast while I had a coffee on the sofa. He had more breakfast with ds1 when he was awake.

I feel for you - it was a horrible time.

Vedamakesthebesttoast Tue 29-Dec-15 14:38:14

Thank you all for your input. I've cut out the morning bottle and this morning just gave DS a sippy cup with water in the morning. He was up at 4.28..... Not that I was obsessing or anything but finally cried him self back to sleep on my chest after an hour and then slept till quarter past seven. He then literally passed out whilst we were out and I had him in the sling at quarter to eleven, he slept for maybe 15 mins till I got home and then refused his afternoon nap for AGES... He is so infuriating! Meanwhile his sister fell asleep in the travel cot in our room on her own after blowing me kisses as I walked out the door to deal with her brother. Chalk and cheese.
Definitely going to cut out morning and afternoon bottles and see if that helps with an increased solid intake and therefore being fuller for longer.
In the meantime I'll grit my teeth and try not to let it get to me so much, as difficult as that is.
Wish us luck!

GenevaMaybe Tue 29-Dec-15 15:29:22

My DD is 15 months old and she has 3 bottles a day. 210, 150-180, 210ml.
She has protein and carbs at every meal and 2 snacks. She has as much water as I can get in to her.

She naps 12-2 every day then sleeps 6.45-6.30 unless teething then she's up at 5

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